The Sunlight and the Shadow
by consultingmusician
Summary: 15-year-old Rowyn Copeland has had an unimaginably difficult childhood, and expects it to continue until he finishes school. That is, until he comes across Azuriah Young, who is determined to befriend him whether Rowyn likes it or not. WARNINGS: Homosexual activity/undertones (Rated: T), violence (Rated: K to T), occasional mild language (Rated: T)
1. Chapter 1

School, for me, wasn't exactly fun. It's not the work that bothers me, I get fairly good grades, with the exception of "participation." No, the work is fine, I have trouble being around large groups of people, or really any size group, even just one person can make me very uncomfortable. My mother died when I was an infant, and my father never really got over it, so I was raised by my older brother Griffin. My father, though, was a violent drunk, and constantly beat me and my brother, though Griffin tried to take most of the hits for me. One day though, when I was about seven, the inevitable happened, and Griffin was killed taking a beating for me, and from then on I couldn't stand being touched, or stood too close to. Anyone who got near me, I would have to move several feet away, completely out of range, which means I've never had any friends. To this day, 9 years later, nothing has changed, not even when I was taken away from my father and put into foster care. I didn't mind it, but little did I know it was about to change.

After walking the familiar route to school, carrying my ragged, worn-out backpack, I spent the morning as I usually do. My teachers all know I'm not exactly a normal student, and after little persuasion I now have a seat in the back corner of every class.

The morning passed quickly and soon it was time to head to the cafeteria for lunch. I never bothered with the lunch line; I took the quickest way possible to the small empty table in the back, trying to avoid any close confrontation. It didn't take long to eat my usual lunch of an apple (I've never had much of an appetite), so soon enough I was headed towards the library.

Before I could make my way out the door, I was interrupted by someone I didn't immediately recognize.

"Hey!" I was greeted by a tall, athletic looking boy with ash-colored blond hair and strikingly clear blue eyes.

"H-hi," I muttered quietly, trying to be polite, but stuttering a bit in my utter surprise. Who would want to talk to me, of all people?

"You're Rowyn, right?" He asked with another step forward. Whoever this guy was, he was quite obviously used to being very close to other people. Maybe he lived in a crowded house. Whatever his deal was, I was very uncomfortable very fast, and took another step back. He wasn't even that close though, two, two and a half feet maybe, but still, I didn't like it.

"I…" I cleared my throat, brushed my vibrantly dark red fringe out of my light green eyes, and started again. "Yeah, I am. I… I'm sorry; I don't know your name."

"You don't?" He asked, as if it were obvious who he were. I shook my head apologetically. "I'm Azuriah! Mostly people call me Az, we have three classes together, haven't you noticed?" Again, I shook my head. "They're math and history," he pointed out, as if proving a point.

"You said three classes," I reminded him.

"We both have Mr. Jefferson for study hall," he said, looking a bit disappointed that I hadn't known any of this. At this point he was still subconsciously moving forward, making me step back again. Now trapped against the wall, he was about three feet away and I could only hope he didn't step forward again.

"I-it's nice to meet you, I guess," I stuttered awkwardly. "I-I'm sorry, I don't exactly like people." He stepped forward and offered his hand, obviously meaning for me to shake it, but I could only look down at it and press my hands to my sides stubbornly.

He had stepped forward again, and I normally like to be a few feet away from the nearest person, which for most people is a rather awkward distance to be socializing. I couldn't step back again, but I tried my hardest, and pressed my back against the wall as if trying to force myself through it, my head inclined slightly, and I knew my expression must've showed some sort of discomfort because he tilted his head looking confused.

"What's wrong?" He asked worriedly. After all, we were still about a foot and a half away, which was pretty normal for most people.

"N-nothing," I stuttered, my voice quiet and strained.

"You look terrified, what's the matter? I can help," He stepped towards me again, and though to most people he wasn't even _that_ close, about a foot, I was starting to panic.

I shut my eyes, finding it easier to speak properly that way, and tried to ask as nicely as possible. "C-could you maybe just… s-step back a little?" Feeling my face burning with embarrassment and panic, I looked down to try to hide it from him.

"Step back…?" He paused for a second before realizing he was the one making me so uncomfortable, and then hurried to try to fix it. "Oh, yeah, of course I can! Hey, I'm sorry," he said, taking a few steps back.

I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding and began to relax a little.

"It's fine," I said, a bit more confidently now. "It wasn't your fault, you couldn't have known."

As soon as I'd said it, the worried expression immediately melted away into a radiant smile. I was confused as to why he was so happy that I didn't blame him, he hardly knew me at all, nor I, him.

"Anyway…" I was glad my voice had reverted back from the high-pitched nervous tone back to its usual softer, quiet one. "I was just headed across the hall to the library."

"Cool, I'll come with! I need a book for my history report, anyway," he said, making a face at the mention of his homework.

So, careful now to keep a distance, he walked with me across the hall and I helped him find some useful books before settling down at one of the tables to read, even though break was about to end.

I looked up at him as he flipped through his newfound books. "It's Azuriah, right?" I asked, making sure I had his name right.

"Yep!" He responded cheerily with a small nod.

Taking a shot in the dark to satisfy a strange curiosity, I asked, "That's a strange name… what does it mean?" barely able to get the sentence out before the bell that signaled the end of break resounded throughout the halls. We both stood up and made our way to the hallway as he answered.

"I'm pretty sure it means 'aided by God,'" he said. Giving me a playfully confident smile, he teased, "I guess that means I'm an _angel," _before taking off in the opposite direction. Shaking my head with a disbelieving little frown, I watched him go before heading to class, wondering why someone as energetic as him would've possibly wanted to spend all of break in the library with me.


	2. Chapter 2

Two weeks. Just two weeks since I met Azuriah. It's a bit strange, honestly, that he tries so hard to be my friend. No one has ever tried so persistently to befriend me and strange though it was, it was also a bit of a nice change. It's still hard to be too close to him but I'm trying to get over it, I know he wouldn't hurt me, not on purpose, and yet… the feeling of insecurity remains.

I took out my iPod and started to put Thriving Ivory on shuffle, singing along quietly as Angels on the Moon came on first. On those particular days when I wanted to avoid going back to my foster home for as long as possible, I'd come sit at the park for a while instead.

I was sitting right at the edge of the little pond in the middle of Central Park when I pulled my backpack next to me, letting it rest against a small boulder on my right, and pulled out a little plastic bag full of breadcrumbs and filled my hands with some. I set the bag down on the ground and let it lean against my leg so the crumbs wouldn't spill all over the place.

I reached out towards the water; my hands cupped, and spread a couple around. Soon enough, there were some curious animals swimming towards me. I felt a small smile appear on my face when I watched the ripples of the surface as fish swam up to eat some of the crumbs, and one brave duckling of several swam up to me and ducked its head into my hands, where I had more breadcrumbs. That was when I heard the leaves rustle behind me.

Trying hard not to startle the little animal, I turned my head to see what was coming. Unsurprisingly, my gaze rested on Azuriah, who could have been standing near the trees for quite a while without my noticing due to the music. I gave him my best 'shut up and come see this' look and turned back around. A few silent moments later, he was crouched down on my left, a bit close for comfort but I couldn't shift away because I'd scare the duck that had now climbed into my hands.

Azuriah watched for a minute, amazed, before turning to me with a grin.

"You're just full of surprises, aren't you?" he asked in a hushed tone, looking quite honestly like a child would if you handed him a bag full of candy.

I responded with a quiet nod, looking down at my hands with a small smile.

"What's with the music?" he asked, still careful to be quiet.

I gave a small shrug. "They seem to like Thriving Ivory."

He smiled and looked out at the water, and it was a few minutes before I broke the silence.

"There are more breadcrumbs if you want to try," I said in an almost-whisper, giving a slight flick of my head, half to get my hair out of my eyes and half to indicate the little bag on my right.

He grinned at me excitedly and crossed his legs loosely so he could sit instead of crouching beside me. Leaning back casually, he watched the pond for a few moments more before shifting position and reaching his arm around me to grab the bag that couldn't have possibly been visible from his position.

When his arm pressed against my back, I knew if I tensed up I would scare the small animal that was still nestled in my hands, so I closed my eyes gently and took a quiet breath, trying my hardest to stay calm, but my hands shook, just slightly, as I tried to control myself.

Nearly loosing his balance, he thoughtlessly steadied himself by putting his left hand on my shoulder, as I was the only thing around him to hold on to if he wanted to keep his balance. I stiffened, and the duckling in my hand gave an indignant shake of its downy feathers before fluttering off to join the rest of them. As soon as it was gone, my hand shot out, throwing the crumbs to the water to grab his shoulder, unable to find my voice.

"What-" he began to ask, but the small jolt my sudden movement must've given him caused his fingers to brush against the edge of the bag. "Oh, I found it!" he exclaimed triumphantly.

His hand on my shoulder, his arm pressed against my back, and now his right hand brushing against my leg as he grabs for the bag, I tightened my grip on his shoulder and he looked at me curiously.

"Rowyn, what… OH," Azuriah said, finally understanding. He quickly moved away from me when my grip on his shoulder loosened, and I found myself unable to look up at him.

"I… sorry," I managed after a few moments.

"N-no, it's okay!" he hurried to try to make me feel better and, for his sake, I looked up at him with a timid smile that I hoped looked more real than it felt. To my relief he smiled back and lay down on the grass looking up at the sky. After a few moments trying to regain my composure, I spread the last of the breadcrumbs out over the water and lay down on the grass too, about a foot away from Azuriah, which, for me, was a big improvement. There we sat just watching the sky grow darker until we each had to go home.


	3. Chapter 3

It's been nearly a month since Azuriah and I met, and things have gotten a lot better with him since then. It's still really uncomfortable for me to be too close to him, but we can walk and sit normally, side by side, now without it bothering me, which is a huge improvement, though only with him. It's the same as it always has been with anyone else. As it turns out, he and I actually live on the same block. I took my free period as my last class so, even though I spend it in resource anyway, I'm out of school a few minutes earlier than he is and we've gotten into the habit of meeting at Central Park before walking home.

Waiting for him now, I climb up onto the playground and over the railing on the equipment, so that I sit up high, my legs hanging over the edge, while I wait. A few other kids come and go a few minutes after I knew everyone had gotten out of school, and I didn't have to wait long until I saw the familiar ash-blond boy come just barely into view.

I let go of the rail with one hand to wave to him.

"Hey, Azuriah!" I called to him to get his attention as soon as he looked up from the horizon, still making his way over to the playground, and I smiled over at him. "For once, I'm taller than you!"

He smiled back. "You're sitting up high, though, that's hardly fair!"

"It still counts, you're always tallest!" He was still quite some distance away, so I didn't think I needed to climb down just yet.

He adjusted his backpack and sped up a bit to meet me when his gaze slid past me to look at something behind me, his eyes widening in what I could've sworn was fear, though it was hard to tell from so far away. I furrowed my brow in confusion.

"What…?" One of the kids from school must've climbed up behind me without my noticing, because before I could turn around someone shoved me hard and I fell to the ground. It wasn't too high: six, maybe seven feet. I tried to land so I wouldn't twist my ankle but just as my feet hit the ground someone else shoved me back. I hadn't gotten the chance to regain my balance after falling, and was easily pushed over. I fell back hard and all the air seemed to leave my lungs when I hit the ground.

Gasping for air, I tried to scramble away, but the first boy had jumped down and kicked me back down. When I hit the ground, I tasted blood.

"Come on, freak, get up!" he shouted down at me. I could faintly hear Azuriah's feet pound against the earth as he ran towards us but he was too far away.

I was trying to get to my feet when one of them grabbed my arm, trying to force me to my up, and I reflexively jerked away, causing me to loose my balance again. I couldn't seem to stay on my feet very long.

"What's wrong, loser, don't you know how to walk?" the second one sneered, as he forced me to my feet. I tried my hardest to get away from him but this one was much bigger than me. He held my arms behind my back as the one who had pushed me off the park equipment stepped in front of me.

"Jonathan," I said quietly, trying to sound menacing, but I was still trying to regain my breath and still struggling desperately, trying to get away.

He ran his hand tauntingly down the side of my face and I jerked my head away, still tasting blood, and feeling a bit of it running from the corner of my mouth.

"What kind of person," he mused, "can't stand to be touched, or have anyone anywhere near him, for that matter? You're a whole new level of freak, Copeland," he said, using my surname. I could only glare at him as he took his hand away from my face, though not before caressing his hand carefully down my neck. I flinched back, my skin crawling.

He turned as if to walk away, but at the last minute whipped around and punched me hard in the stomach. I felt my legs buckle, but the boy behind me kept me up, and for a moment everything went dark. When my vision cleared, I was still seeing spots, and the footsteps pounding toward us were getting much louder. I lifted my head with the little energy I had and smiled.

"What are you so happy about, you little psychopath?" he asked.

"You won't be happy when he gets here…" my voice sounded shaky even to me, but I still smiled. I could only hold my head up a moment longer, so I took that moment to spit the blood that had filled my mouth at him, before letting my head fall back down.

"Are you so stupid to think I'd let you get away with that? Your boyfriend can't protect you, Copeland, I can take him," he snarled at me, raising his hand to strike me again. He hit me hard, several times, before the boy behind me let me fall to the ground. I coughed up the blood that had filled my mouth, and just after he kicked me down, I heard a very angry, very familiar boy shout.

"You leave him alone!" Azuriah thundered, and just as I passed out, I glanced up to see him throw Jonathan to the ground, and the boy that held me quickly ran off before he Azuriah could get to him too.

When I came to, the light seemed blindingly bright, so I kept my eyes closed. I tried to sit up but the pain the action caused prevented it and I lay back down with a quiet groan. As if on cue, I heard someone skid to a stop next to me.

"Hey," said a proverbial voice, "how are you feeling, are you all right?" asked Azuriah, sounding anxious.

"Yeah," I said, my voice sounding strained, "yeah, I feel _fantastic_." Even after having gotten beaten up, somehow I manage to keep my sarcasm. Great.

I blinked a few times, finally having gotten used to the light, and looked up at Azuriah. I tried to prop myself up on my elbows, feeling rather helpless lying completely flat. It seemed my sarcasm was lost on him when he was worried because he only frowned down at me and tried to keep my lying down.

"Rowyn, be careful, you're hurt pretty bad, you need to rest or you're gonna make it worse."

"You sound like my mother," I told him, trying to lighten the mood a bit, but it wasn't helping that my voice still sounded pretty weak. I glanced around and grabbed a few pillows from near by, putting them behind me so I could sit up properly. Looking around, I didn't recognize where I was at all.

"Hey… do you mind telling me where we are?"

"Oh, yeah that's right. We're at my house, you've been… asleep, for a couple of hours now," he obviously didn't want to deliberately point out that I'd been unconscious, so I didn't correct him. "I brought you here because I didn't have a key to your house and even if I did it might look bad to your parents if a stranger sauntered into their house with an unconscious kid."

"Not a kid, and yeah you're probably right," glancing around I saw that we must be in their living room or den, and I'd been carefully positioned on a rather large sofa, obviously meant for a big family.

"You know what I meant," he said with a slight smile.

"So… how bad was it anyway? I saw you take down Jonathan, but after that…" I was curious as to what had happened and how bad a condition I was in.

"I taught that kid a lesson he won't soon be forgetting. Who was that jerk, anyway?" he asked.

"Jonathan Mikkleson," I answered. "He's been picking on me since grade school… my own personal bully. He likes to beat me up when he can catch me alone, which tends to happen a lot, as you know. His favorite adjective seems to be 'freak.'"

Azuriah shook his head. "That guy has no reason to treat you like that, I won't let him."

"Thanks," I said, adjusting my position. Wincing, I stopped, and settled back against the pillows. "How bad was… am I? Like… on a scale of band-aids to hospital."

"Pretty bad, Rowyn, but I think I patched you up pretty well. Here, look," he moved towards me, and I was happy it didn't have much of an effect on me. Though admittedly it may have been because of my weakened state, I was glad I could actually feel safe around someone for once. He sat by me on the edge of the sofa before stopping. "Er… may I?" he asked. I nodded even though I wasn't exactly sure of what he was asking permission to do.

He reached down and, to my surprise, pulled the hem of my shirt up, exposing my flat stomach. Trying to keep from blushing I focused on what he must be trying to show me. After lifting my shirt up far enough, I saw what he was talking about.

"This is the worst, I think," Azuriah said quietly. On the right side of my torso, going from the middle of my ribcage down my hipbone, a few inches past my waistband, there was a long, dark bruise. For a moment he absent-mindedly traced it, starting at the top near my ribs and gently ghosting his fingers down the side of my stomach, stopping when his fingers brushed my waistband which, I now noticed, was sitting rather low on my hips, causing a shiver to course through my body. I closed my eyes gently, the way I do when I'm trying hard not to flinch away. I felt his gaze shift up and knew he had noticed my eyes were closed, because he gently pulled my shirt back down.

He opened his mouth to apologize, but I interrupted him. "It's fine… what else?"

"Well, you can't see it, but I had to patch up a pretty bad cut on the side of your face. Hold on a second," he leaned away to reach for something on the little table next to the sofa, and turned back around with a small mirror. "See?"

I turned my head to the side and saw a shallow cut along the side of my jaw, a few inches long.

"This is not going to be fun to explain when I get home…"

"You can crash here for a while if you want, at least then when you get home the… on your stomach," he didn't seem to want to verbally point out anything physically wrong with me, "won't look as bad, bruises look really bad just after you get them."

I nodded. "Thanks, Azuriah. I'll text my… parents, to let them know where I am," they weren't exactly my parents, they were my foster parents, but it's easier just to call them my parents when I talk about them.

Still looking a bit concerned, he gave me a small smile. "No problem. I'll go find you a blanket or something, we can play games until you're tired enough to sleep. For some reason when one person in my family goes away somewhere they all have to go. My sisters and my parents are out of town visiting relatives until Monday, but I convinced them I was sick so I wouldn't have to go. Lucky… this would definitely be difficult to explain."

My phone vibrated and I checked it. "My parents say I can stay as long as I want so long as I check in every now and again."

"Cool, you can stay a few days until your… injuries, are healed enough to be relatively easier to explain."

For the rest of the night we played board games that he got from his little sisters' room until I fell asleep a little while after we gave up on games and decided to marathon season 4 of Doctor Who instead.


	4. Chapter 4

I woke up a bit disorientated, until I remembered where I was. As it happens I was slumped against Azuriah, who had probably fallen asleep not long after me by the looks of it. Removing his arm from where it had fallen around my shoulders I sat up, cringing at the pain in my torso.

"You awake, then?" he murmured, still half asleep as he sat up and rubbed his eyes.

"Sort of," I said, giving him a sleepy smile. I stood gingerly and ran my hand through my messy hair.

"All we have that I can successfully make is cereal, is that alright?"

"Yeah, that's fine, but…"

"But?" he asked.

I held my arms out at my sides and looked down at my clothes. They were wrinkled from sleeping in them and there was still a bit of blood at the collar. I looked back up at Azuriah.

"Right," he said. "I might have something in the back of my closet that'll fit you, hang on." He put a box of cereal down on the table before disappearing up the stairs. I walked over to the kitchen and glanced around, trying to get an idea of where things were. Azuriah came down after I had poured the cereal into two bowls that had been set out.

"Here," he said, tossing the clothes to me. "Go past the stairs and turn right, there's a bathroom down the hall to the left."

I nodded and followed his directions, finding the bathroom without much difficulty. Locking the door behind me, I began to change into the clothes he had given me. I turned towards the mirror after pulling my shirt over my head and moved my hand to the crescent moon charm that hung off its chain to rest low on my chest.

I pulled Azuriah's shirt over my head and was satisfied that it kept the chain hidden. A dark blue shirt and a pair of jeans aren't what I normally would wear. The sleeves of the shirt were long enough that just my fingertips could be seen, but otherwise the clothes fit fairly well. After turning to the mirror and fixing my hair, which clashed horribly with the shirt, I checked my phone. It was about 6:50, and school started at 7:45. We had plenty of time before we had to leave.

Stepping back out into the living room, Azuriah looked me up and down.

"All of your clothes are quite colorful, aren't they?" I said.

"It's not my fault all of yours are really dark," he responded, faking offense. It was true, though. I mostly wear black, grey, and white.

"It's not a bad fit," he said, noticing the sleeves and suppressing an amused smile at the length. "It always was a bit tight on me but it seems to fit you pretty well."

I grabbed my dark gray jacket out of my backpack and put it on over the shirt, though the blue sleeves still stuck out a bit at the end.

"Hm…" I said, regarding them patiently and trying to think of a way to fix it.

Azuriah smiled. "Just leave it, you look fine. Come on, you should really eat something."

Following him to the kitchen without responding, I sat down carefully at the table in front of one of the bowls of cereal. He watched me and I could tell he noticed how gingerly I was moving, he looked a bit nervous.

"How are you feeling, then?" he asked.

"Better," I responded simply before pushing my sleeves up to my wrists and ignoring my cereal. While Azuriah ate I looked down thoughtfully. "I could teach you how to make something other than cereal, you know," I said.

He raised an eyebrow in surprise with an amused half-smile. "I never would've guessed you could cook, considering your lunch most days is an apple."

I gave my head a little shake. "You pick up things like that when you switch houses a lot; sometimes the mom or dad will cook and sometimes I have to do it myself," I told him. Azuriah was the only one that knew I lived in a foster home; I've never seen the point of telling anyone else.

"I see…" he said. "You really should eat more than you do. Is lunch, if you can call it that, all you usually eat?"

I gave a quick nod, not seeing what was wrong. My eating habits have been this way since my brother had died and I've been fine.

Putting down his spoon, he looked at me seriously. "Really, Rowyn, you're much too thin," I raised an eyebrow at him, a silent question. "I did have to carry you back from the park, remember, how much do you even weigh, anyway?"

I just shrugged. "90, 95 pounds maybe?" was my simple reply.

"Jesus, Rowyn, 95? You weigh as much as my sister and she's 12!"

I nodded distractedly and checked the time again. It was 7 o'clock, which meant we had about half an hour before we had to leave for school. I felt like I was forgetting something… then it hit me.

"My essay for science class," I said suddenly, abandoning my untouched cereal and striding over to the living room where Azuriah had left my backpack. "The first draft is due today. I only have to do the last part of it, but I was planning to do it yesterday."

"We have time, and you work fast. I'll go get my books for school while you finish," said Azuriah, having followed me out of the kitchen. I turned back to my backpack after he disappeared up the stairs, even though all of his books were down here on the table (I figured I'd let him discover that for himself), and spread my nearly finished essay over the little coffee table. Crossing my legs, I sat on the floor, took out a pen, and began to work. After about five minutes of furiously scribbling into my notebook, crossing things out and wording them better in the margins, my paper was filling up fast, and I heard Azuriah bound down the stairs and skid to a stop at the bottom, a bit flushed, and continued to ignore him as he gathered his books and put them in his backpack.

Walking over to me, he sat down on the edge of the couch and, lacing his fingers together in front of him, leaned forward to read over my shoulder. I ignored him and kept working, but after about ten minutes, when he had finished reading my rather long essay, he sat back.

"Impressive," he said, to which I was too busy writing to reply. "You get to choose any topic you want… and you choose to try to justify the theory of infinite universes."

I nodded. "The theory is logical to me, but when I try to explain it no one listens," I told him, and even I knew I sounded distracted. Finishing the last sentence, I threw my pen down triumphantly. "Finished!"

He smiled. "See, I told you we had time."

"Yes, now if only there was time to read it over," I said, looking over my papers, my hair falling over my eyes.

"Rowyn, relax, you've never gotten less than an B on an assignment as long as I've known you, and your over-all grades are always A's" he told me confidently.

I sat back against the sofa with a nervous sigh and looked down. Azuriah slid down onto the floor beside me and, turning to face me, brushed my hair out of my eyes. I flinched slightly but not so drastically that he took notice.

"Hey," he said, a bit more quietly now. "You'll be fine, alright? What are you so worried about, anyway?"

I hesitated, just for a moment. "Wherever I go, whenever I move, no one I go to ever accepts less than perfection," I told him, unable to look up, afraid of what I might see. "I've always been able to keep up with it because I've never had anything to distract me from my work, but every time something does come along I know there's a chance I'll do something wrong and terrifies me to know that everywhere I go I'll never be good enough. Since Griffin died…"

"Griffin?"

"My brother."

In the long silence that followed, I went over what I had just said to my only friend. The more I thought about it the worse I felt, ducking my head lower so my eyes were hidden. I shouldn't have told him any of that; I don't know why I did. I clasped my hands together as tight as I could to hide their trembling.

I felt him move beside me and immediately thought he was just going to leave. I looked down at the ground, still not able to find the courage to look up. Instead, to my surprise, he shifted position so I was facing him and put his arms around me. My eyes went wide and I froze. I didn't stiffen, but I didn't move either.

When I didn't shove away, he held me tighter. I ignored the pain that shot through me because I knew he had forgotten about the bruise on my stomach. He turned his head slightly and said quietly to me, "I don't care what they think, or how awful you think you are or you think you've done, you're wonderful and nothing you do will ever change that, not to me."

I blinked, not knowing what to say, so instead, to my surprise as much as his, I hugged him back. After a few long minutes of just sitting there, I turned my head slightly so I could mutter to him, "we're going to be late."

He laughed and pulled back. Standing up, he offered me his hand. I put my papers in my backpack and took it, letting him help me up. Picking up his backpack on the way out the door, we walked the school, and the whole way there he never did get around to letting go of my hand.


	5. Chapter 5

On our way to lunch, I nearly dropped the notebooks I was holding when we quite literally ran into someone that Azuriah obviously knew, and though I vaguely recall the fact that she's in our class for study hall at the end of each day, I had no idea who she was. Another class too but I couldn't quite remember… Latin, maybe?

She was almost as tall as he was, meaning she was a few inches taller than me, and her light, straight blond hair had been dyed violet at the ends. Blinking with faint curiosity as she spared hardly a second to look me up and down with an almost cold look, but she turned back to Azuriah so quickly, the warm, friendly expression back on her face, I wondered if I hadn't imagined it. It took me a moment to remember I was wearing Azuriah's clothes and felt a blush rise to my face as I looked away.

"Ava!" he exclaimed happily, his clear, icy blue eyes sparkling in a recognition that told me they couldn't have been anything other than childhood friends.

"Hi, Azuriah," she said warmly, moving to his side and linking arms with him so we could keep walking to lunch, but at the same time discreetly forcing me away from him. Blinking in confusion once more, I could almost feel my vibrant green eyes clouding in something that, if I didn't know better, could have been mistaken for jealousy. I fell quickly into step behind them.

"It seems like it's been forever since we've talked," he said, obviously meaning it as a friendly conversation-starter. Ava, though, didn't take it as such and her tone turned serious.

"Yeah… not since you started hanging around with that thixophobic freak," she responded with forced calm.

I tensed significantly, clutching my books to my chest in a desperate attempt to keep my composure, ducking my head I tried my hardest not to run off. I knew perfectly well that "thixophobia" was a strong fear of being touched.

Azuriah, to my immense disappointment, seemed at a loss for words. "Ava..." he managed before she interrupted him.

"Come on, Az, you can't honestly tell me it doesn't bother you. You're the friendliest, most affectionate person I know, and to be friends with someone you can't even touch must be killing you," she said to him persuasively. My head ducked further yet, I didn't see when he took his arm away from hers. "He's a freak, Az, no matter what you think, and soon enough you'll come to that conclusion too. He can't have friends; he doesn't deserve such a good friend as you." Normally people saying things like this wouldn't bother me, I was used to it, but hearing her voice my deepest fears so persuasively to Azuriah, I spark of panic rose in me that he would eventually come to believe her.

"Ava, that's…" but I didn't hear the rest of his hesitant protestation. Not confident in my ability to control my emotions the way I normally can while on this train of thought, I shoved between them, my books still clutched so tightly to my chest that my knuckles were white, taking off down the hall and around the corner at a run. Vaguely hearing Azuriah shout after me, I ignored it and closed myself in the nearest empty classroom, locking the door and not bothering to turn on the lights.

Feeling an uncomfortable stinging prickle behind my eyes, a tell-tale sign of tears to come, I let myself sink to the ground, put my notebooks in my lap, and pushed the heels of my hands against my closed eyelids, determined not to cry, especially not at school. When was the last time I even cried? It must've been ten, eleven years ago, before I had even been taken to my first foster home, long before dad stopped beating me.

_She's right._ I thought to myself miserably. _I'm a freak, and soon enough Azuriah will realize it and he'll hate me like everyone else._ Choking back a sob I pulled my knees up against my chest before remembering how I've always dealt with all these unwelcome feelings before. Shoving my hands into my pockets I immediately realized nothing was there and my eyes widened instinctively in the beginnings of a panic.

Forgetting for a moment what had happened, I could hear Azuriah outside in the hallway looking for me.

"Rowyn!" he yelled down the hall, which was otherwise deserted as it was lunch time.

I scrambled to my feet and burst from the room before I had realized Azuriah was directly outside the door.

"Row-!" his call got cut off when I barreled into him, still in a panic. Caught off guard, he lost his balance, falling back and taking me not-so-gracefully down with him. Reflexively my arms shot out as we hit the ground, each hitting the ground hard on either side of his head and keeping me up so I didn't hurt him when I fell on top of him. I winced slightly at the pain it caused my bruised stomach but otherwise took no notice.

In my current disorientated state, though, I didn't seem capable of noticing that, as a result of my reflexive action, though I hadn't hurt him in our fall, I was currently on my knees, bent over him with my arms stretched out on either side of his head and effectively straddling his torso with my legs on either side of him, my dark hair coming down in a short curtain around my face, casting a slight shadow over the both of us.

No, had I been in the right mind I would have immediately gotten off of him, but I didn't notice at all.

"My notebook, Azuriah," I say, before he has the chance to speak.

"W-what?" he sputtered breathlessly, eyes wide, clearly a bit disorientated himself.

"My notebook, the little one that was in my jacket, where is it?" I repeat, my tone growing impatient and sounding a bit as if I was speaking to a child.

"The black one?"

"Yes, the black one! Where is it?"

"It came out of your jacket at the park when I tried to pick you up," he says quickly. "I thought, since you had it in your pocket, I'd better take it with me and put it in my pocket when I grabbed your backpack. I put it on my desk thinking I'd remember to give it back to you when I go to gather my books for school, but since they were all downstairs last night I forgot!"

I was silently relieved that it wasn't lost somewhere, but didn't let up quite yet.

"The notebook, Azuriah, did you read it?"

Seeming to finally get over his initial confusion, he hears the tone in my voice and looks at me curiously, though his eyes are still wide.

"I didn't, actually, I was a bit busy downstairs with you," he says curtly, as if it was obvious.

Ignoring the slight blush that I felt pass over my face again at his particular choice in words, I scowled at the grin that spread across his face and asked again just to be sure.

"Azuriah, promise me, _promise me_ you didn't read it and it's safe.

"Rowyn, I swear to you I didn't read a word of it, whatever it is, and I'm sure it's exactly where I left it."

Finally relaxing, I started gaining my sense back. As soon as that happened I realized exactly what I was doing and, for a moment, found myself frozen to the spot. My eyes widening a bit, I looked at Azuriah and noticed that his eyes were _very_ wide, his pupils so dilated that only a bit of the icy blue showed around them. Though he was much stronger than I was, he didn't try to push me off or get away, or even just sit up. He just sat there beneath me as if waiting for me to realize what I was doing.

After a few more shocked moments, I scrambled back to sit against the wall furthest from Azuriah and just looked at him, knowing my expression was one of complete disbelief and confusion but unable to do anything about it.

Slowly, he sat up, ran his hand through his hair and straightened his shirt before tilting his head and looking at me. As soon as his eyes reached mine I ducked my head, letting my hair fall over my eyes. On reflex I ruffled my hair so that it lay back in place, but kept the fringe over my eyes. After a few unbearably silent moments, I got to my feet, not looking at him.

"I…" I say, not knowing where to start. "Class is going to start soon."

Risking a glance up at him I see him grinning, which thoroughly confuses me.

"Right," he says. "See you after school then," he finishes, as both of the classes we share are in the morning. Without another word I picked my notebooks up off of the ground where they had been thrown and took off down the hallway to my next class, deciding to skip lunch and just get there early.

Just as class is starting, I remember what had caused my outburst just minutes ago, and all throughout class Ava's words echo through my mind and I wished desperately for my notebook, as for the rest of the day I was the very definition of counterproductive.

_Freak._


	6. Chapter 6

As school is ending, at first I head to the front doors to go to the park, but don't stop there, the ridiculous notion of seeing Azuriah so soon after the incident that had occurred in the deserted hallway just a few hours before was not exactly appealing to me. Instead I walk past the park, which was currently under construction for some reason, meaning there were mounds of dirt here and there, and head straight back to his house, sending him a brief text as I walk.

_Heading straight back to your place_

Hesitating to hit send, I add to the end as a second thought just one word.

_Sorry._

I wasn't quite sure what I was apologizing for but I knew there had to be something. When I reach the door and realize I don't have a key, I close my eyes for a second to think. After a brief moment I reach up, sliding my fingers over the top of the door frame. Feeling cold metal, I close my fingers around the spare key, and open the door, putting the key back where I had found it.

In a family as big as Azuriah's, it was unlikely that there wasn't a spare key for when someone forgot theirs.

Tossing my backpack across the room where it lands on the couch with surprising accuracy, I move to sit next to it for a few minutes, trying to think.

_Upstairs._

The thought occurs to me briefly, and at first I dismiss it knowing it wouldn't be right to go into Azuriah's room without his permission. Soon enough though the sense of urgency takes over me again and I bound up the steps in a way that should have been rather loud, but I make no sound when I move, a skill well developed over time.

At the top of the steps there's a sort of hallway. Glancing around, an open door reveals a bathroom, and another a master bedroom. One of the three remaining closed doors, one to the left, one to the right, and one to the left at the end of the hall, has a few semi-skillfully drawn posters on it. A few were drawn in the same style but one of them was different. Vaguely I remember him mentioning two twin sisters, and think that that must be their room. The only two left are to the right of the staircase and to the left down the hall. Thinking, I come to the conclusion that Azuriah's room would likely be closest to the stairs and as I'm about to open the door my phone buzzes in my pocket.

_K, be there in a minute_

Putting my phone away, I hesitate a moment longer before reaching out for the doorknob, which gives easily under the pressure, and silently swing the door open. My eyes immediately find the desk and I stride over, shuffling a few papers when I pick up the small, leather-bound notebook and put it in my pocket. The papers, I notice vaguely, are drawings; nothing too complicated, but incredibly well drawn. A faint smile flutters across the corners of my mouth as I turn to leave, but my gaze catches on something.

Turning a bit, I move to the bookshelf, careful not to disturb any of the things scattered here and there over the floor. When I reach it, I lift my hand hesitantly to brush over what I'm faintly surprised to see, knowing I probably shouldn't even be in here to begin with but I can't help myself.

On the bookshelf there are quite a few of those little plastic army figures. Idly, without thinking, I pick one up to examine it and smile despite myself. I had definitely not thought Azuriah to be the kind of person to collect something like this, but there must have been dozens.

After a few moments, an amused but soft voice startles me, making me jump and nearly dropping the figure I'm holding.

"Having fun?" Azuriah asks. I quickly put the figure back where I found it before turning to see Azuriah, his arms crossed casually, leaning against the doorframe. He could have been standing there watching me for quite some time and I wouldn't have noticed. I then realize that, for some reason, his jeans were more than a bit speckled with dirt from the knees down.

I lace my fingers behind my back and look down sheepishly. "Sorry, I shouldn't be in here without your permission."

Glancing up nervously, having to look through my fringe, I see him grin in that casual, lopsided way he does. "Don't worry about it, kid."

Bristling slightly, as we're in the same grade, I move away from the bookshelf and over to him, keeping my hands behind my back but flicking my hair out of my eyes.

"What is all this, anyway?" I ask curiously, trying to be polite.

"When I was little my dad would help me collect these, they were really popular back then. Sometimes he'd buy a few for me but mostly we'd pick them up here and there. Surprisingly, if you look hard enough, you can find one or two lying on the ground every few days."

I couldn't help but smile at his fond memories, and though it did make me a bit jealous I was happy for him. "That's really nice…" was what I could think to say.

"Oh, hey that reminds me!" he says suddenly, shoving his hand into his pocket and pulling something out. striding over to me he turns his hand and opens his palm to triumphantly reveal yet another plastic figure, but this one has a bit of dirt on it still.

"I found this at the park near the construction," he says, brushing the dirt off of it. That explains the dirt on his jeans then; he must have climbed up on one of the dirt piles to get it. When this thought crosses my mind I can't help but smile with amusement. Grinning back at me, he is clearly quite proud of himself for making me smile so genuinely and he ventures further yet.

"Here, you can have it," he says stepping forward, closing his fingers around the plastic figure and turning his hand over with his arm extended as if waiting for me to hold my arm out as well so he can drop it in my hand.

I blink in surprise but didn't hold out my hand just yet. "You seem to have more use for it than I do, why would you give it to me?" I asked him, confused.

"I have lots already; I want you to have this one. It's the first one I've found since we became friends," he responds, and to anyone else it would have been a simple statement, but, as it is, the last word seems to ricochet off my mind and I can't quite understand it for a few moments.

_Friends…? I've never had friends before. Why would he want to be my friend? _

Resolving to ponder this line of thought further at a later date, I quickly recompose myself and, to my relief, he doesn't seem to catch my hesitation.

"Thank you, Azuriah, it's… lovely," I said with a nod, silently cursing the rare moment when my vocabulary falls short of what I mean to say. Holding my hand out he drops the figure cheerily then seems to finally notice the dirt he's tracked into the room.

"I should probably change before I cause any more damage," he said, laughing. "Actually… I didn't get a chance to shower this morning. You don't mind, do you?" he asked, almost shyly.

"No, its fine," I said absently, shaking my head. "I'll be downstairs when you're done."

He nodded and bounded out of the room, I heard his footsteps down the hall and a door close, a lock clicking into place. I figured he won't mind if I borrow a pen from his desk as I take what seems to be the least used, judging by its position on the desk and how much ink was in it, and headed down the hall.

On my way down to the living room I paused, just for a second or two, outside the bathroom door. Giving my head a little shake I bounded noiselessly down the stairs and positioned myself propped up on the couch against the arm rest. Taking the notebook out of my pocket, I listened to be sure Azuriah was still busy, opened it, and began to write.


	7. Chapter 7

Nobody would think someone like me would keep a journal, which is why it's so very easy to keep it private. Having to work so constantly to maintain such a high GPA is trying, and though I'm quite a bit smarter than most my age it does seem hard to concentrate with all these thoughts and emotions running through my mind, so I write them down. When I write in my journal all of the thoughts and emotions seem to transfer from my mind to the page, my head clears and I can think properly once again. So whenever there's something consuming a significant amount of my mind and thoughts, I write it down, no exceptions. As of recently, though, it seems there's a common pattern concerning the general theme of the aforementioned entries: Azuriah.

The small notebook was bound in soft black leather, and it was only six inches tall and about 4 inches wide. This was so it could easily fit in my pocket, but due to this fact entries that would normally only be two or three lines occupy whole pages, so one page is the equivalent of one entry. On the back, in the bottom right corner, my initials were embroidered in with silver thread, RC, the R slightly above the C.

Sucking the end of the pen habitually as I tried to think of what to write, I looked over previous entries. Further back, most of them concern school work, temporary families, and the constant torment of my classmates. Now, however they're quite different.

_I've never been this close to anyone before, and it's a strange thing to have to get used to. If it had to be anyone, though, I'm glad it's someone like Azuriah._

_I've received yet another beating from Jonathan and his group. I've become accustomed to it, and he's become wise enough to make most of the blows where no one will see the marks, the way dad always did. This time was different, though. While I ignored the pain as best I could as he beat me, Azuriah had come out of nowhere and I was conscious just long enough to see him throw Jonathan to the ground._

_Today I've promised to teach Azuriah how to cook properly. It's the least I can do for him letting me stay with him until the marks left by Jonathan are easier to explain when I get back… home._

_I can hardly believe I let myself look so weak in front of my newfound 'friend', telling him about Griffin wasn't only unnecessary, it was stupid. Astonishingly he didn't turn away from me or send me back home, he embraced me and, due to what I can only assume was mostly to utter surprise, I found myself unable to move, so there we sat for an immeasurable amount of time. No one had held me like that since Griffin died, and I'm not sure what to make of it._

_Azuriah has let me borrow some of his clothes until I can get around to my house to retrieve my own. It surprised me how well they fit considering how much smaller I am. He says they're quite old and they're a bit colorful for my taste, but I can't help but feel a certain satisfaction wearing them._

Pressing the pen to the paper, I begin to write the next entry.

_Today I've met one of Azuriah's long-time friends. _I start, scribbling into the notebook, my slanted cursive much different from Azuriah's hurried scrawl. _Her name was Ava, and she acted rather strange towards me at first. She seemed to glare at me when she saw I was wearing Azuriah's clothes, and very nearly shoved me away from him so she could take his arm. This I didn't mind too much, I was used to it, but what she had said to him did bother me significantly. "He's a freak," she had said. That for him to be so close to someone without being able to touch them was killing him. That I didn't deserve friends like him, or friends at all, that it was impossible for me to have any. For the first time in nearly eleven years I was dangerously close to tears and over Azuriah nonetheless. What's happening? I've always had so much control, but now I'm so confused. Azuriah is the closest thing to a friend I've ever had, I couldn't possibly be so shaken by something he had tried, albeit hesitantly, to deny. Yet the feeling remains and I don't know what to do._

Deciding that I was done for now, I read over the entry that spanned two full pages. Scanning it over several times, I didn't notice when the shower on the floor above had turned off, and a few moments later I jumped, hearing Azuriah bound down the steps, his shirt damp around the collar and his hair still soaked. Had he been as consistently quiet as me, he could've easily approached from behind and read over my shoulder. Glad for his recklessness, I shut the journal quickly and shoved it into my backpack, though not quickly enough that Azuriah didn't see that I had had it out.

"What is that, anyway?" he asked curiously. "I mean, what could there possibly be written in there that you don't want me to see?"

My mind immediately went to one of the more recent entries: _It could just be my naiveté when it comes to friendships, but whenever Azuriah grins at me in that cocky, lopsided way he has I get a strange fluttery feeling in my stomach. I've tried convincing myself its normal for friendships, as I wouldn't know otherwise, but something is telling me it's much more than that._

"Nothing important," I said simply, not wanting to dwell further.

"Rowyn," he started, "you quite literally knocked me over and pinned me to the ground just to make sure it was alright and you made me swear I hadn't read a word," he said, sounding impatient.

Blushing at the reminder of what I had done, I looked away and told him moodily, "You could have easily stopped me if you wanted to," to this he merely shrugged and I ducked my head further, trying to conceal the reddening blush. At his lack of response I decided to rephrase. "It's nothing concerning you," I lied convincingly.

That brings up yet another excellent point to record in my journal later, I thought. _Why didn't he stop me? I was directly on top of him; I was literally straddling him with my face inches from his. Why didn't he stop me?_

"Look, I know we've all got our secrets but this is ridiculous," Azuriah's voice pulled me back to reality, as it has done so often in the past few weeks. As he continued speaking, I stood from the couch and moved back, closer to the wall, feeling at a disadvantage lounging the way I had been.

"As much as I love having you around, Rowyn, Ava had a point," he continued. I flinched as if he had struck me, remembering exactly what she had said. _Thixophobic freak…he can't have friends…soon enough you'll come to that conclusion too…_ Before I could interject he continued speaking.

"I know what you've been through, you've told me yourself, and I tried to help in the only way I know how but you won't let me do anything, you never let anyone do anything to help you! I've seen how sad you look when you don't think anybody is watching, and I've never wanted anything more than to help you but you make it impossible. I can't get anywhere near you and it's killing me! We've been friends for nearly a month and it's only recently that I can even get near you! That's not _normal, _Rowyn!"

Narrowing my eyes a bit, I contemplated how I would respond. My mind immediately translated "that's not normal" back to the oh-so-popular "freak." The term bothered me more than any other, but it wasn't hard to deal with. Coming from Azuriah, though, it was different, and for some strange reason my chest ached and I knew it had nothing to do with the bruise on my stomach.

"You're right, Azuriah, it's not normal. I'm not normal and I'll never be normal, I get that. I've known that since I was five years old, but if you're going to call me a freak you might as well say it, you wouldn't been the first." The cold calmness of my voice was perhaps even more harmful than if I had shouted.

When he didn't respond, I kept going. "You have no idea how difficult it was for me to trust you, but I really, honestly thought you were my friend and that you understood. Now I know better though, you thought you could change it, make it better, but I'll tell you something Azuriah, there's nothing to make better. I may be a freak and I may be broken but you don't seem to understand that you can't fix it, no matter how much you thought you would be able to when you met me. That is why you introduced yourself, isn't it? To fix me," it was phrased as a question but it wasn't meant for an answer. "When are you going to realize that I'm too broken to be put back together!?"

Something I said must've struck a nerve, though, because Azuriah practically flew over to where I stood, closing the distance completely in a few long strides, causing me to back instinctively against the wall where he immediately pinned me. My pulse fluttered and my head spun, but only for a second. Even for Azuriah, he was much too close. There was barely a centimeter between the two of us now and he didn't look like he planned to move any time soon. When I put my hands out against his chest to try to push him back, he grabbed both of my slim wrists in one of his strong hands and pinned them roughly above my head.

Now completely helpless, I looked up with him with a mix of fear and anger. He was nearly a full head taller than me and now, towering over me, looked every inch of it.

"Let me go," I hissed at him, my normally bright eyes darkening significantly with anger.

He leaned forward and my breath caught when he practically breathed his next words against my ear. "You're assuming I'm trying to change who you are… I'm merely trying to help."

His hair still soaked from showering, the cold water made me shiver. Though I knew very well he had me completely trapped, I struggled for the sake of defiance. To my complete surprise, to keep me from struggling he closed the small space that was left and pushed his entire body against mine. Immediately pain shot through me at the amount of pressure it put on my torso and I gasped audibly. Azuriah almost looked like he was about to back down at the sound of it but he kept his act together. Needing to keep me from struggling at all, he aligned his body with mine. The only difference was that he needed at least one of his legs free to keep his balance, so while one of his legs was keeping one of mine trapped he had improvised with the other and kept me still by pressing his free hand hard against my thigh, keeping it to the wall, so his other leg could keep him standing. My skin crawled where his hand kept my leg against the wall, though not unpleasantly, oddly enough.

He leaned down to murmur once again into my ear, and I couldn't help but shiver as he all but nuzzled it as he spoke.

"This is why you need me, Rowyn," he muttered. "Anyone you meet can do anything they want to you," as if to prove his point just then, he suddenly pressed forward, increasing pressure on my whole body, making me suck in my breath at the pain in my torso, but also at an unwelcome sort of… almost, pleasure, "and you can't do anything to stop them. You need me to teach you how to defend yourself, and to be there to help you when no one else is."

Finally something clicked in my brain and I understood. Azuriah would never do anything like this willingly; he was putting on an act to prove a point, and he's right. I'm not nearly skilled or strong enough to defend myself against anyone who tries to hurt me, the way Jonathan does, or the way Azuriah is trying to make an example of. I felt the anger drain from my expression and relaxed my tense muscles almost to the point where Azuriah was the only thing keeping me up.

Seeing now that I finally understood he took a step back, bringing my arms back to my sides and cautiously taking one hand in each of his own.

"I…" he started quietly, looking away from me. "I'm really sorry I had to do that, Rowyn, but I had to make you understand and nothing I was doing was working."

I nodded and he let my hands drop. I knew I should be furious with him, but in reality I was incredibly grateful. I hadn't realized how stubborn I was being until just then. Instead of letting my arms fall back to my sides, I stepped forward gingerly and wrapped them around Azuriah's waist with maybe a bit too much caution.

He definitely seemed surprised, as it took him several moments to apparently gather his thoughts before tentatively putting his arms around my shoulders. When this happened I gained just a bit of confidence and hugged him tighter.

"Thank you… I understand now," I said quietly, my head against his chest. He gave a small nod and rested his chin on the top of my head before letting me go. I lingered for a moment longer then took a step back, lacing my fingers behind my back and giving him a shy smile from behind my fringe before flicking my hair out of my eyes.

"I'm sorry, I should have listened to you before you had to do that," I told him quietly.

He blinked, taken aback. "You're apologizing? You didn't do anything Rowyn, I…" As if remembering the exact details of what had happened in that exact moment, his eyes clouded with worry once again. "I didn't hurt you, did I? I know I was a bit rough but…"

I attempted a laugh to try to convince him I was fine, but I was actually quite sore from the pressure put on the still-healing bruise down my side and the effort made that fact well known; I winced and saw him watching me with concern.

"I'm alright, really," I told him with as much confidence as I could gather.

Hesitantly, he nodded and looked back up at me. "You're wrong, you know," he said quietly.

"About what?" I asked, confused.

"About being too broken to be put back together. Even if it's true I'm never going to stop trying."

To that, I blinked and looked up at him. I had absolutely no clue what I was supposed to say to that, as I've never had experience with anything like this before. Thankfully he just ran a hand through his damp hair, making it stand up in all different directions before he realized he hadn't dried it. Laughing, he shook his head in an almost dog-like fashion.

Mesmerized, I watched as the droplets were shook from his hair before rolling my eyes fondly and going to sit back down on the couch as I heard Azuriah head to the kitchen.

"Hey, are you hungry? I'm hungry and you promised you'd teach me how to make something other than sandwiches and cereal."

"I'm not hungry," I said simply, and Azuriah stopped, turning to look at me.

"Rowyn, you –" he started, but I interrupted him.

"Look, tomorrow morning I'll show you how to make pancakes or something and I promise I'll eat, alright?" I said, knowing exactly why he was concerned.

He hesitated, but eventually he nodded. "Okay, I guess that's good enough," he said, walking back into the kitchen. Since Azuriah would just eat at the bar in the kitchen, I figured I had a bit of time and pulled my journal out of my backpack and wrote down everything that had just happened, finding the memory incredibly vivid, along with every thought that clouded my mind. The entry covered four pages.


	8. Chapter 8

The rest of that evening had passed rather slowly as neither of us had had much homework to do. After a little while Azuriah thought that it would probably be a good idea to wash my clothes so he didn't have to try to find some that would fit me. This morning I was grateful that he had and I could return to my usual gray attire.

After rather awkwardly asking if it was alright, I quickly showered and changed from Azuriah's colorful shirt and jeans to my significantly less colorful clothes. I made a point to never wear much color at all as my vibrantly dark red hair already draws enough attention to me as is.

After running a towel over my hair roughly I figured it was as dry as it was going to get for now and knew it would be pointless to try to get it to lie flat, so I tossed Azuriah's clothes into the laundry bin and hung the towel up before walking barefoot back down the hall and into the living room.

Azuriah was lounging on the couch reading, his back to me. As I make virtually no sound coming out into the living room he doesn't turn.

"What time is it?" I ask, making myself known.

He puts his book down and turns before answering me. "Ten to seven," he responds quickly.

He watched me as I walked over, barefoot and hair damp, sticking up in all directions. I had meant to go to my backpack to move my journal from there to my pocket, liking to always have it with me, but I was stopped when I pass Azuriah and his hand closes around my wrist. I flinch away automatically and he gives me an apologetic look before standing up.

"Breakfast," he says simply. I respond with my automatic answer.

"I'm not hungry."

"Rowyn, you promised," he points out with a small frown.

Sighing, I remember that I did, in fact, promise him I would eat something before school. Abandoning the journal in my backpack I nodded and strode around the couch into the kitchen. Rummaging in the cupboards for a minute I finally found everything we would need. Measuring all of the ingredients first I then put them aside by the mixing bowl and gestured to where they sat on the counter.

"Pour those in the bowl and mix them all together while I find a decent pan," I told Azuriah, who then nodded and proceeded to mix them all together. When I had found the pan and put it on the stove, turning it on and waiting for it to heat up, I turned back to check how Azuriah was doing. When he turned to look at me I felt one corner of my mouth quirk up in a barely concealed smile. He held the bowl crooked in one arm and the whisk at a bit of an awkward angle as he tried to mix the ingredients. At some point he had gotten some of the mix on the back of one hand and it was now smeared a bit on the side of his jaw.

"I have no clue what I'm doing," he said, laughing as I tried to hide my obvious amusement.

"Actually it looks fine, now you use the measuring cup to pour some into the pan," I told him, moving back so he could get to the stove. I stood a bit behind him so I could see what he was doing as he poured the mix into the pan.

"Okay, now just give it a minute then I'll show you how to flip it."

He nodded and put the measuring cup down, turning to hand me the spatula. After waiting for a bit I nodded to Azuriah and he moved out of the way. Taking the handle of the pan in one hand and the spatula in the other, I quickly slid it under the pancake and flipped it over so it landed right back in the middle on the other side.

"Just like that, it's easy. You can try next, just give it a second," I told him, handing him the spatula and moving a plate next to the stove for him to put it on. He got it pretty easily and we spent a few minutes making more. We had made about four when there was only enough left for one more, and by this time Azuriah had gotten fairly good without my help, though occasionally I did have to reach around to help him get the spatula under the pancake. This time, though, I took the spatula from him and he gave me a quizzical look.

"With a bit of practice," I told him, "you'll be able to do it like this," putting down the spatula, I took the handle of the pan in both hands and with a flick of my wrist the pancake was flipped into the air and had landed safely back on its other side in the pan.

Azuriah laughed and smiled at me. "You showoff, I could totally do that if I wanted to!" he teased.

Raising an eyebrow at him, I moved away from the stove and gestured at the pan in a friendly challenge. He grinned at me and took the handle in both of his hands. I strode casually over to the cupboard to get a plate for myself as he adjusted the pan in his hands. Turning back I saw him flip the pancake into the air with horrible aim, and as he tried to move back to catch it he tripped on one of the barstools and the pan clattered to the ground. Had it not been for my strangely good reflexes the pancake would have come down on top of him, but as it happens I leapt forward, caught the barstool in one hand while still holding out the ceramic plate I had found. By some miracle, the pancake actually landed on the plate instead of Azuriah or the floor and I put it on the counter, returning the barstool to where it originally stood.

Azuriah blinked at me in surprise and I deliberately turned my back, going to get the plate that held the other four pancakes and putting them on the counter next to the other one.

"Thanks… Rowyn, how did you do that?" he asked after bringing himself to his feet. With a dismissive shrug, my back still to him, I went in search of some glasses and, once I had found them, filled two with water and sat at the bar.

The last thing I wanted to do at the moment was eat, though, remembering how it was my reflexes that had originally started the torment from the other students in just first grade. They knew it wasn't normal, but for me it was because it helped me dodge around everyone at school as well as my father and it was easier than learning how to fight. Taking the plate with just the one pancake I ducked my head down and forced myself to eat it as quickly as I could. I could tell Azuriah was confused as I moved around him and went back into the other room to get my things for school.

Shrugging on my jacket, I put my journal in the pocket while silently cursing myself. I should have let the chair fall and just helped Azuriah up like any normal person would have done, there was no need to demonstrate how accurate the term "freak" actually is for me.

Picking up my backpack I made my way past the stairs, stopping at the front door and turning to look at Azuriah, confident that I had put up a convincing mask so the whirl of thoughts running through my head wouldn't show on my face.

"Are you coming?" I asked, glad my voice sounded normal. "We're going to be late for school."


	9. Chapter 9

The rest of the day went by fairly quickly, though I did leave school a bit sore after Jonathan had pushed me into the lockers as school let out. Normally I was out of school before him but I had to go back to my locker after I'd started to leave when I forgot one of my textbooks.

When we got back to Azuriah's house he threw his backpack across the room onto the couch and shut the front door.

"This is ridiculous," he said as we walked over to the living room. He went to lean against the far wall so I sat on the arm of the couch to face him. "We can't keep letting him hurt you like this or one day he'll go too far."

"What do you suggest, then? No one but you seems willing to help and I'm hardly fit to fight him off myself," I said.

"You've taught me how to cook, that's something, now it's my turn," he said vaguely and I frowned slightly in confusion.

"Sorry?"

"I'm going to teach you how to defend yourself."

"You really don't have to," I started but Azuriah cut me off, taking a few steps away from the wall.

"Right, so first things first!" he said. "Before you can do much you have to be able to get away so I'll show you how to get him off if he pins you down."

When I didn't say anything he continued.

"Rowyn, what's the one thing that there needs to be present before you can even attempt to get out of a pin?" he asked and I just shook my head with a slight shrug as a sign for him to continue as I had no idea.

"There has to be someone pinning you down," he said and I realized where this was going and that he probably figured the best way to go about this was to jump into the deep end, so to speak.

"Azuriah I don't-" the hesitant protestation was cut off when Azuriah practically flew at me and within seconds I was on my back, pinned to the couch.

I had gone stiff with a sharp intake of breath as I shut my eyes so I wouldn't panic at the sudden contact and after another moment I began to let my muscles relax, reminding myself it was just Azuriah and he wouldn't actually hurt me.

"Th-this is a bad idea," I stammered.

"You just don't want to admit I've got you beat when I'm going easy on you," he replied with a teasing grin, trying to motivate me to at least try.

At this I opened my eyes and looked up at him, tilting my head a bit to the right while I quickly assessed the entire situation.

"I'm willing to bet that I can get out of this on my first try," I told him after a moment.

"Go on then, I dare you," he said with a confident grin.

"Be glad it's not Monday," I mumbled abstractly and he laughed.

"Yeah, how weird would it be if it was and my family got home right now? Talk about an out of context situation."

"Right… let's see then," I muttered to myself, thinking out loud.

Azuriah had my lower body pinned down pretty well but instead of holding my shoulders down he held me down by my collar bone.

_Going easy on me… _I thought to of holding me down in what would have been the most effective way possible he seemed to pin me down with as much physical contact as possible without my noticing. I noticed anyway, of course, but I wouldn't have normally if not for the fact that in every place of contact I could feel the pressure that I was nowhere near used to, and every time he touched me my skin seemed to burn. He had my lower body pinned pretty well, using his knees on either side of my waist to hold my body in place and twining his legs over mine to keep them from moving as well. As a result of this, however, his feet were impossibly close to… had they slid just a few inches up and… or I down and… my mind didn't seem to be working properly, but my breath hitched as I became _very _aware of what my thoughts seemed to be implying and I knew that if I didn't act soon I would give myself a panic attack.

Because my arms weren't pinned down I had full use of my hands but what choices does that give me? I can't push him off, he's stronger than me. That only leaves distraction; my only choice is to catch him off guard. But how do I…

I knew this would be taking a big risk for more than a few reasons but it seems to be my only practical option. I looked up at Azuriah trying to find any alternative, but when I didn't find one I did what I did next without any warning.

In one fluid movement I lifted my arms and laced my fingers together behind his neck. I lifted my head from the couch just far enough to touch my lips to his cheek, barely brushing the corner of his mouth and lingering before pulling away.

The affect was immediate. Azuriah's guard immediately dropped and his eyes widened in surprise. Though all of his muscles tensed, which didn't help my situation, he was unsteady. My heart seemed to stop too but I knew if I didn't act on this it would have been for nothing and it would become very awkward very quickly. In his lapse of concentration I kicked his knees out from underneath him and turned him over by the shoulders so I now had him pinned to the floor. Correcting the mistake Azuriah had made on me I held him down by his wrists.

I looked at him for a moment and tilted my head pointedly before letting him up and sitting with my legs crossed and my back against the couch.

He sat up and ran his fingers through his hair with a disbelieving chuckle before giving me a dazed looking grin.

"I'd like to see you try that on one of Jonathan's friends," he said lightheartedly.

"Somehow I don't think that'll ever happen."

"Right, so you need to know how to get away from anyone besides me," he said casually and I looked away when I felt the heat rush to my face.

In the next few hours Azuriah had taught me some basic defense skills and soon enough, combined with my uncanny reflexes, I was able to not only get away if I was trapped, but I could avoid getting trapped altogether. While he was teaching me we were both put in some awkward positions now and again but he didn't seem to mind. He actually seemed to enjoy it quite a bit every time I felt my face flush.

The rest of that day went on as usual, but every so often Azuriah would try to jump me and at around 6 o'clock when he did just that and watched me duck his arm and spin away from him fluidly he leaned back against the wall, crossed his arms and tilted his head, waiting until I was facing him again before speaking.

"You'd be a brilliant dancer," he mused conceptually.

"Sorry?" I asked, baffled.

"Dancing," he repeated. "You'd be very good."

"I'd say you would be surprised, but you obviously wouldn't be," I told him off-handedly, and he seemed to take a moment to process this.

"No… you? Where could you have possibly learned to dance?"

I shrugged. "Changing families as often as I have, it's shocking how many things people will sign you up for without your permission," I explained and Azuriah just laughed.

"So you took dance lessons?" I shook my head.

"Just one or two, I picked it up pretty quickly and convinced them to let me stop."

"Of course you did," he laughed again.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked with a confused frown.

"With your reflexes and just the general way you move it doesn't surprise me you picked it up so fast. Hey, you should show me some time! _That_ is something I would love to see," he answered so casually, I had to take a second to process what he had said.

_The way I move…? He wants me to dance for him…_ I could barely wrap my mind around it but I knew I had to answer so I shrugged, going for nonchalance but knowing my face had probably gone red again.

"Yeah, maybe… a-anyway I should probably get going," I said.

"Get going?" He asked, furrowing his brow in confusion.

"Your family will be home day after next and it would be bad if they found a stranger in their house," I explained. "Besides I have stuff to do."

"Stuff to… It's only Saturday, can't it wait? Or else you can do it here; I won't bug you anymore I promise."

I shook my head. "It's not exactly homework, our class has a choir concert Monday evening and I haven't had a chance to practice in the last few days."

"Choir?" he said, obviously surprised. "No offense or anything but that doesn't seem like your sort of thing."

"Well normally it isn't," I answered reluctantly. "The choir teacher and I have a bit of an agreement because some sort of music class is required."

"Agreement?" he inquired, prompting me to continue and I sighed, kicking myself for bringing it up.

"I don't sing, I play the piano for our class," I explained briefly.

"I didn't know…" he stopped himself. "Right, same reason you can dance?"

I shrugged. "I get bored and you'd be surprised how many people have pianos in their homes. I really should be going, though. It's getting dark," I said, changing the subject before we got any further on the topic of me teaching myself to play the piano.

"You're just full of surprises. I'll see you Monday then?" He asked.

I nodded and picked up my backpack but Azuriah stopped me at the door.

"And hey," he said. "Can I come to your choir thing?"

"There's nothing I can say to dissuade you, is there?" I asked rhetorically.

"Nope," he said with a recalcitrant grin.

"Fine, I'll stop by here on my way. It's actually supposed to be really formal, so it'd be best if you wore something nice. I'm not sure if you've got a suit, have you got a suit?" I was surprised when he nodded. "Right, that'll be fine then. See you Monday."

With that I was out the door and it only took me a few minutes to get home since I only live down the street. Ignoring my foster parents I took the steps two at a time and shut the door to my room behind me. They had let me move the keyboard to my room so I could practice easier but I still had to practice on the grand piano every now and then so they knew I wasn't slacking.

The rest of that night, and most of the next day, was spent practicing, doing homework, and writing in my journal, and before I knew it, it was Monday.


	10. Chapter 10

School passed uneventfully. Jonathan wasn't at school that day and we got little more than a glare from Ava. When I got home I did my homework and changed into my clothes for the concert: black pants and a fitted white dress shirt. It wasn't much different from what I usually wear so it didn't take long for me to be ready to leave. I fixed my hair so it wouldn't fall into my eyes while I was trying to read the sheet music and checked the time.

It was about 5:15. The concert started at 6 but I had to be there by 5:45 at the latest so I grabbed my music folder and bounded soundlessly down the steps and out the door, shivering at the late autumn chill and wishing I'd thought to grab my jacket before leaving.

_Too late now, _I thought as I made my way quickly down the street. Stopping in front of Azuriah's house I immediately noticed a car in the driveway that hadn't been there the past week.

_Great, so his family is back._

I straightened and took a breath. I had been hoping they wouldn't be back until later but I knew that was unlikely and that I would have to face them eventually. Gathering what courage I could I went and knocked on the door before I could convince myself otherwise.

The door was opened by a woman of average height with hair so blonde it was nearly white. She bore a striking resemblance to Azuriah so I could only assume that this was his mother.

"Ah… Mrs. Young… er…" I wasn't quite sure what to say as she held out her hand, presumably for me to shake it and I crossed my arms over my stomach looking away apologetically.

"You must be Rowyn, come on in," she said, and I could see where Azuriah got his cheerfulness from. Mrs. Young practically radiated friendliness.

She went back inside, leaving the door open for me and I took a few steps forward, just far enough to close the door and lean against it as she went into the living room, approaching two small figures lounging on the couch.

"River, Echo, go get your brother or he's going to be late," she said and they got up simultaneously. I watched as they made their way over to the bottom of the stairs and, instead of going up them to get Azuriah, shouted up to him.

"Az, your boyfriend's here!" the first one shouted, River, I think.

Echo glanced back at me. "He's cute, too, you'd better get down here!" she shouted up the stairs and I looked down at my feet when I heard yet another set of footsteps approaching from down the hall.

A man with messy, light brown hair the same color as the girls' came out from what I assume must be the study.

"Alright you two, that's enough. Why don't you go get your homework done?" he told the twins.

Echo sighed and River rolled her eyes dramatically but they did as they were told. The man then walked over to me and looked me up and down.

"You must be Rowyn," he said, echoing Mrs. Young's greeting, and I wondered how often Azuriah spoke of me to his family. I nodded, and thought that it must be quite often considering his father knew not to offer a hand to me in greeting.

Before I could say anything I heard someone bound loudly down the steps and not a second later Azuriah flew into the room.

"How do I look?" he asked, turning a full circle excitedly.

I raised one hand to my mouth to try to cover my amused smile.

"What is it?" he prompted.

"Azuriah… when was the last time you tied a tie?" I said, barely able to smother my laughter.

"Oh it's been _years_," he replied and I strode forward, having forgotten everyone else in the room.

I stopped just in front of him and pulled at the poorly made knot until it came undone then redid it quickly, tugging it back into place and taking a step back.

"Better," I told him. "What about me?" I asked, holding my arms out a bit at my sides. He looked at me for a moment then frowned disapprovingly.

"What?" I asked, tugging my sleeve self-consciously.

"When was the last time you ate?"

"Um…" I thought for a moment. Wearing a fitted shirt like this I shouldn't be surprised that was the first thing he noticed. "I guess Friday, why?"

"Rowyn…" he looked at me sadly for a moment. "When your choir thing is over we're going to get you something to eat."

"Azuriah, I…"

"Okay?"

"Okay, fine. But seriously do I look alright?"

"You look like you normally do, Rowyn," he said, and I gave him a "_you are not helping in the slightest" _look.

"You look fine, just…" he trailed off a bit at the end.

"Just what?" I prompted.

"Top button," he said briefly and I blinked in confusion.

"Sorry?"

He rolled his eyes and stepped forward, raising one hand and quickly undoing my top button. It was at that point that we heard a very distinctive "Get a room!" shouted from the living room and I looked down when I felt my face flush.

"Ignore them, they're just mad because I told them they couldn't come," he said and I couldn't help but look up at him curiously.

"We should go," I said, knowing it was probably around 5:30, and Azuriah nodded.

"Right, well I'll see you guys later then," he said to his family in general, and we were nearly out the door when Mr. Young stopped us.

"You know, Rowyn," he said. "You're the only one who calls him Azuriah."

I looked up at the tall, wiry looking man with faint surprise.

"My apologies, Mr. Young, but we really do have to go. This isn't something I can afford to be late to," I told him as politely as I could, wanting for some reason to leave a good impression.

He nodded. "Of course, be careful on your way back, it'll probably be dark by then."

I nodded and Azuriah and I left before anyone could say anything else.

After a few minutes of walking in comfortable silence I voiced my thoughts.

"Am I really the only one who doesn't call you Az?" I asked tentatively and he nodded. "I… if it bothers you I can stop, it's-" Azuriah cut me off before I could continue.

"No!" he said quickly, and I looked at him quizzically. "No, you… it's fine. I like when you use my full name, it sounds better when you say it," he said, trying to explain as best he could.

I felt a faint smile ghost over my lips and nodded.

"Alright," I said, and soon we were at the school.

The concert went perfectly. I made a few mistakes on the piano but no one seemed to notice, and as soon as the concert was over I stood and bowed like I'm supposed to and went backstage. There was still a bit of the concert left but the rest of the songs were done either with just the vocals or with a different instrument.

I took the bag that I keep backstage out from under one of the chairs and took out a more comfortable shirt to change into. I undid the top few buttons of my shirt as well as the ones on my sleeves and instead of undoing all of the buttons I pulled the shirt over my head because I'm just smart like that. Evidently I managed to get one of the buttons caught in my hair.

"Ow, okay," I muttered to myself as I tried to untangle it but it was impossible without a mirror. It was then I heard the door open. Azuriah came in looking like he was about to say something but stopped.

"Rowyn, what're you doing?" He said, laughing.

"Shut up, it isn't funny," I said indignantly, but I was smiling too. "I was trying to change into a different shirt because this one is really uncomfortable but the button got stuck in my hair."

When he just laughed again I took it in good nature and gave him an unmistakable "_help me"_ look and he walked over and I sat down in the chair, giving up.

He stood behind me and I sat up straight, folding my hands in my lap as he slowly but surely untangled my hair from the shirt. Every now and again I would tense but I never cried out, though I knew he noticed.

"I didn't know you were so sensitive," he said off-handedly.

"Full of surprises, remember?" I said, sounding tense.

"Mm," he agreed and he paused in his efforts to disentangle the button from my hair. I was about to ask what he was doing when he ran one hand through my hair, tangled his fingers and gave an experimental tug.

"Ow, hey!" I told him indignantly.

"If you want me to stop you just have to ask," he said fondly. When I didn't say anything he returned to freeing the shirt from my hair and had succeeded after a few moments longer.

"There," he said, letting it fall to the floor.

"Thanks," I said, standing up and picking the shirt up off of the floor. I put it in my bag and retrieved the shirt I had meant to be changing into. I put it on and turned to look at Azuriah. "We can go, they don't need me on stage anymore," I said.

"Right, come on then! I know a place," he said vaguely and I remembered he said we were going to get something to eat when the concert was over.

After a short walk into town we arrived at a small café type restaurant that, had Azuriah not been looking for it, I probably would have missed. Once in and seated Azuriah ordered for me because he knew this place better than I did, and the waitress insisted that we were "just the cutest couple" to which I had no idea what to say, but Azuriah grinned at me when I blushed.

"'S not funny," I murmured to him when he slid into the booth beside me.

"Come on, Rowyn, would it really be so bad if we were a couple?" he asked jokingly.

"Azuriah, stop it," I said, sliding down in my seat, my face reddening.

"I'm only joking," he said. When I didn't say anything he shifted closer to me and put his arm around my shoulders. I looked up at him, eyes wide with surprise.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Relax, I'm not gonna hurt you," he said.

The rest of the evening went by pretty quickly, though I gave him a questioning look when our food got here and he had ordered me an omelet despite the fact that it was 7:30 at night ("Because the omelets here are fantastic and something tells me you won't be coming here for breakfast any time soon, don't question me." He was right, too.)

After we ate Azuriah paid the bill, though I promised to pay him back, and we walked home arguing about the logic of having eggs for dinner.


	11. Chapter 11

When I got home I was at the base of the stairs when a voice from the living room stopped me.

"Rowyn?"

I sighed inwardly, wishing I had been faster. Leaving my bag on the bottom step I made my way to the other room.

"Yes?" I asked. My foster parents Mark and Anna were sitting on the small loveseat near the window.

"Come sit down," Anna said. When I heard this my heart sank. Normally they tend to leave me alone, knowing that they didn't have to bother with telling me to do my homework or whatever it is parents usually do, and I knew this wouldn't be good.

"I would rather stand," I said, honestly just to be difficult. She sighed.

"Mark got a job a few towns over," she said, gesturing to my foster father. When I didn't say anything Mark rephrased bluntly, even though he knew I had probably already figured out the implied conclusion.

"Rowyn, we're moving," he said.

Despite the fact that my mind was sent spinning with all the thoughts that ran through my head just then, the only thing I could manage to say was, "When?"

"This Wednesday," Mark said. It was Monday. When I opened my mouth to protest he cut me off. "I know its short notice but I start Thursday and I've just found out I got the job."

"But you're not my permanent guardians," I pointed out, arguing desperately. "You can't make me go with you."

"We called the foster care center but it's too last-minute, they won't have a family for you until the day after we leave at least," he explained.

_'One day,'_ I thought. _'One more day and I wouldn't have to go.' _Then an idea broke through the whirl of my inner panic.

"What if I had someone to stay with until Thursday, it's just one day," had I not been so good at keeping my voice calm, I'm sure I would have been on the verge of begging.

"I can't see why not," Anna started and I cut her off.

"Great, I'll ask him at school tomorrow," I said. Then I practically flew out of the room and up the stairs, shutting the door to my room behind me.

For nearly an hour I paced back and forth, contemplating calling Azuriah but eventually resolved to just do my homework and deal with it tomorrow.

As usual, Azuriah bounded up to me as soon as I came onto the school grounds. This time, however, I didn't react.

"Hey, is something wrong?" he asked, one step ahead of me.

"We're moving," I told him, not wanting to waste words.

"Wait, what? When?" he asked.

"Tomorrow."

"To-" he paused and seemed to gather himself. "_Tomorrow. _You're leaving _tomorrow._"

"Normally if I want to stay I can request a new foster family, it's not that big a deal, it happens more often than you would think," I started to explain.

"_If_ you want to stay?" he repeated as an incredulous question.

"Don't be stupid, of course I want to stay," I reassured him before continuing impatiently. "But because it's so short notice the earliest I would be able to do that would be Thursday."

"One day," he breathed disbelievingly. "One _fucking _day!"

"Language," I muttered halfheartedly, which he ignored.

"Well what if you stayed with us tomorrow night? Then you could move wherever it is you're going the next day," he suggested.

"That's actually what I meant to ask you," I told him hesitantly.

He held up a finger to stop me and fished his phone out of his pocket. After punching in a number he held it up to his ear and waited. After a few moments someone apparently picked up because Azuriah immediately explained my situation as quick as he could. When he was finished he paused, listening, before speaking again.

"Crap, I forgot!" a pause. "You're sure?... Alright thanks, bye," and he hung up.

"Well?" I prompted when he didn't say anything.

"My mom says my sister Charlie is staying with us for a while, she's back from college for a few days. She'll have the couch but given your situation my mom says she's sure we can find somewhere for you to sleep. I mean, what's one night? It'll be fine," he explained to me and I felt like I was finally able to breathe.

"Thank you," I said and he nodded.

"No problem."

School went on as usual at first but halfway through the day on our way out of the cafeteria when we had finished our lunch Azuriah and I were stopped by Jonathan. I looked pointedly at Azuriah and he nodded, understanding that this time I wanted to handle it myself.

"Can we help you with something?" I asked with forced politeness. To my surprise he ignored me and addressed Azuriah first.

"I hear you're letting the freak show stay with you for a while," he said. Azuriah frowned but stayed silent. Jonathan then turned his attention towards me. "What's wrong, Copeland? Parents finally get sick of you?"

Word travels quickly in high school, someone must have overheard Azuriah and I talking. It was the last comment that really hit me though. I reminded myself that he didn't know my parents were dead. Only Azuriah knew. My hands curled into fists but other than that I had enough self-restraint to not react. Jonathan, though, kept talking.

"I bet they're freaks just like you," he said, then paused to take in my reaction. "No… I bet you get it from your mother," he looked like he was going to continue but I cut him off.

"Shut up," I said quietly, my voice trembling and my hands shaking; my normally bright eyes had darkened dangerously. He'd finally found the only really sensitive topic that sets me off.

"Looks like I struck a nerve," he said laughingly. When he laughed at me I completely snapped for the first time since what must have been around second grade.

"You have _no idea_ what you're saying, and you have no right to talk about her like that!" I shouted, and more than a few people turned to look. "You didn't know her!" he didn't seem to notice that I'd referred to her in the past tense.

"Neither did you," Azuriah muttered behind me, quiet enough that only I heard. I shot him a warning look and he held up his hands in innocent surrender. "Shutting up," he said.

Jonathan looked incredibly surprised, and why shouldn't he be? I've never shouted before, as far as he knows. He looked surprised, but then he smirked.

"She is, isn't she?" he said, obviously enjoying himself. "That's why you're getting all defensive. She's a freak just like you."

"That isn't true! She's nothing like me, she's so much better. _She's nothing like me!_"

Silence. No one breathed a word in the entire crowded cafeteria as the weight of my uncharacteristically loud outburst sank in. When I finally couldn't stand the silence I turned to look at Azuriah, but his eyes were full of so much sadness at what I had said that I had to look away.

"Weren't we leaving?" I asked quietly and he nodded, leading us out of the cafeteria. It seemed like every pair of eyes followed us as we left, the nervous chatter resuming only after we were gone.

We were halfway down the deserted hall when Azuriah grabbed my wrist and turned me around. I thought he was going to yell at me or ask me something but he didn't say anything so I spoke first.

"I'm not going to apologize."

"I'm not asking you to."

"I meant what I said," I told him, taking a different approach because we were getting nowhere.

"How could you, though?" he asked and I gave a confused frown.

"What?"

"How can you be so sure?" he asked again.

"I have to be," I answered simply, thinking it had been obvious.

"Rowyn…" he started sadly but I cut him off and rephrased.

"I have to believe that at least one of my parents was good," I clarified. The silence that followed seemed to last an eternity but it couldn't have been more than a few moments before Azuriah spoke again.

"Why does that mean she can't have been like you?" he finally asked, his quiet inquiry seeming twice as loud in the soundless corridor. This is a sensitive topic and I could tell he was treading carefully, but even I knew this probably wouldn't end well. Who knows, though? I might be surprised.

"Do you really believe 'good' and 'like me' mean the same thing?" I asked, surprised. "Azuriah I've told you this before; I'm broken. I'm antisocial, I'm much too smart for my own good, and with the exception of you nobody likes me. And even putting all that aside, when was the last time you saw me doing something nice for someone? Might as well add 'selfish' to the list," I was speaking quickly and stopped myself there, not sure what would come out if I let myself go on.

"You really don't see any of your good traits, do you?" he said, not missing a beat.

I shook my head with an evasive shrug, not sure how to respond.

"Well I think you're wrong," he said and he continued before I could protest. "I think she must've been exactly like you. I bet she was considerate and helpful and absolutely brilliant. You know what else?" he stopped to ask.

"What else?" I humored him even though it was a rhetorical question.

"I bet she was beautiful," he said and my mind raced to try to come up with a response.

"Thanks," I answered, looking baffled. Clearing my throat I quickly changed the subject. "We should get to class," I said, not knowing what else to say.

Azuriah grinned, knowing fully well how confused or uncomfortable I get when he compliments me.

"Alright," he said with a cheerful nod. "I'm going a different way, see you later?"

"Er, yeah," I said intelligently. "Yeah, see you later," I started down the hall after Azuriah took off in the other direction.

As I was passing the lunchroom I saw someone out of the corner of my eye coming out the door. Ducking my head, I slid forward while turning 180 degrees. I had narrowly avoided a blow from one of Jonathan's friends.

"I said stop him, not knock his lights out," Jonathan scolded him as he approached, arms crossed. "Though it seems you haven't managed to do either. As for you," he said, turning to face me. "You ran off before I could finish with you."

"Leave me alone," I said, starting to turn away. When I took a step in the other direction he made a grab for me, his fingers grazing the back of my jacket as I pulled away. Knowing if I stayed any longer things would only get worse I darted down the hall away from Jonathan.

I had a head start but I'm not as fast as they are. I knew I had to do something fast so I turned the first corner I came across and ducked into the nearest classroom, closing the door as quietly as I could. It was a simple trick but for the moment I had disappeared. Turing around I saw that, though I had hoped it would be, the room wasn't empty.

"Can I help you?" Mr. Collins was sitting behind his desk at the front of the room. He pushed his wire-rimmed glasses up on the bridge of his nose and I ran my hand through my hair nervously.

"I doubt it," I murmured distractedly, glancing out into the hallway. _'Could've been worse'_ I thought. Mr. Collins teaches math and he's my favorite teacher.

"Sorry?" he asked, not having heard what I had said.

"No, sir," I said more clearly.

"Then may I ask why you're here?" he prompted, running a hand through his own dark brown hair making it stick up.

"Just… waiting, sir," I said, not wanting to lie. Mr. Collins is the only teacher who will defend me during class and never makes me work with anyone other than Azuriah. He's also the only teacher I refer to as "sir." I'm not sure how else to express the respect I hold for him. He's very young for a teacher, maybe around 24 or 25, but he was absolutely brilliant.

"You don't have to call me sir, I've told you that before haven't I?" he said.

"Yes, sir," I said with a sheepish smile.

"Right then," he grinned with obvious amusement. "What are you waiting for?"

"Er, well…" I stalled, tugging my sleeves nervously I looked back out into the hallway, pulling out of view when Jonathan and his friends went by. Unfortunately Mr. Collins saw them too.

"I see…" he started. "Want to see a neat trick I've developed with students in situations like these?"

I nodded and he stood from his desk. Walking over he stopped in front of me.

"Now we'll have to be rather convincing, just follow my lead, okay?" he said, and even though I had no idea what he was thinking I nodded. "Is it alright if I grab your arm?" he asked and I nodded again. "What class do you have next?"

"English, sir," I said. "With Mrs. Picard," he nodded.

He took hold of my arm just below the shoulder and we were out the door.

Mr. Collins quite literally dragged me out of the room and into the hall. Jonathan and the other two boys saw us immediately but stopped when they saw who I was with.

He let go of my by my locker, which was conveniently just across the hall from his room, making it look rougher than it was.

"Alright now, Copeland, since this is the first time I've caught you skipping class I'm sure Mrs. Picard will let you off with a warning. We're not gonna make a habit of this, now, are we?" he said and I caught on fast.

"N-no, sir," I stammered quickly, purposely fumbling with the lock on my locker.

"Alright then," he said. "As for you boys… he turned to face Jonathan and the two boys I didn't know. "Get to class before I write you up for truancy!" he snapped. They scrambled back down the hall and around the corner. Once they were gone I smiled up at my teacher.

"Truancy?" I asked with an amused grin.

"Too much?" he laughed. "Dramatic yet effective."

"Thanks, Mr. Collins," I said and he ruffled my hair which, for some reason, I didn't mind.

"No problem, kiddo. Get to class, alright?" I nodded. He smiled and disappeared back into his classroom. After that school, like I said, went as usual. After school Azuriah and I walked home while I recounted the story. When I got home I told Mark and Anna I had somewhere to stay, then I did my homework and fell asleep with my journal open, halfway through an entry.


	12. Chapter 12

Alarm buzzing, I sat up groggily and shook my hair out of my sleep-filled eyes. I stood from my bed and, still in my sleepwear of an old cotton shirt and boxers, made my way soundlessly around my bedroom throwing scattered work from the night before into my tattered grey backpack.

I took about 15 minutes to shower, dress, dry and comb my hair and brush my teeth before leaving for school. At the door I turned at the sound of my name.

"Hey Rowyn," when I turned Mark threw an apple at me fast, but he had seen my reflexes so I knew that he was sure I would catch it. "Eat something, okay?" I nodded.

"Thanks," I said.

"You're a good kid, I hope you get a good family because if you don't, well it almost wouldn't be worth leaving," he told me, looking a bit sad.

I couldn't help the smile that came when I heard this.

"Whoever they are, I've had worse. I'm sure I'll be fine," I've never been very good at goodbyes. "I'll leave the key under the mat when I get my stuff after school," Mark nodded but still seemed sad to see me go, so I said goodbye as if I would see him again, hoping it would make him feel better.

"I'll see you around," I said with a nod and he smiled.

"See you around, kid," after that I disappeared out the door.

School passed completely uneventfully and before I knew it Azuriah and I were on our way home.

"We just have to stop by my house to get my things, I made sure I didn't have any homework to do that's due tomorrow so we can stick it all in my backpack," I told him as we walked.

"All of it?" he asked skeptically. "Will all of it fit?"

"You know how often I move around," I answered reasonably. "I tend to travel light."

"I guess that makes sense," he said just as we reached my front door. I unlocked the door and led the way inside.

Azuriah looked around, never having been here before. The house was mostly empty except for a few boxes here and there that had yet to be moved.

"It's all quite clean, isn't it?" he asked curiously.

"Well to be fair they have just moved," I pointed out and he nodded.

"Come on, my room is upstairs," I said and led him up to my room. Opening the door I gestured for him to go in and after I followed him inside I shut the door.

Hearing the door close Azuriah turned to look at me, raising an eyebrow with an amused smile.

"Sorry," I said, opening the door again. "Force of habit."

"No, its fine," he laughed. "You weren't kidding when you said you travel light," I followed his gaze around the room.

The small nightstand stood next to my bed in the far corner of the room across from the door. On it stood an alarm clock and a picture frame, the photo facing the bed. In the corner diagonal from the door, on the far left, stood a wardrobe facing my bed and nightstand. Next to that on the left wall I had put the keyboard. My desk stood to the left of the door, the chair pushed in. The walls were bare and the carpet a soft grey; the best way to describe my room was colorless.

"We can leave the furniture, none of that is mine," I said, walking over to the wardrobe. Opening the doors I began moving my neatly folded clothes from the shelves to my backpack. Azuriah came over and reached up, taking something from the top shelf. When I looked up from where I had sat down on the floor to organize my backpack I saw what he was looking at.

I blushed, though I wasn't sure why, and reached up to take the figure from him. It was the little plastic army toy he had given me. He smiled and went over to the nightstand.

"Hey Rowyn, catch," he said. I turned around just in time to catch my alarm clock, which he had tossed to me. I stood after putting it in my backpack, my wardrobe now empty of clothes, and walked over to find Azuriah sitting on the edge of my bed holding the picture frame that had previously been on my nightstand.

Sitting beside him I looked down at the photo. In the picture my mother stood with a red-headed baby on her hip, holding the hand of a six-year-old Griffin, his hair ruffled and dark, and hers vibrantly red and pulled away from her face. They both looked so happy.

"You look just like her," Azuriah said quietly.

"So I'm told," I responded. I reached across him to open the drawer of the nightstand. Taking out a thick, worn white cloth I sat back up and held my hand out for the photo. When he handed it to me I wrapped it in the cloth so the glass wouldn't break, put it on top of the rest of my things in my backpack and zipped it up.

"That's everything," I said. "We can go now."

"What about all the books in your closet?" he asked, referring to the stacks of books that occupied the space my clothes didn't, which meant there were a lot.

"Not mine," I said. "I've read all of them anyway."

"All of them?" He asked, standing and going over to the wardrobe. Looking at all the books he picked one up, though the door blocked my view so I couldn't see which one.

Azuriah grinned at me mischievously and held up a small black notebook.

"I should think at least one of them would be yours," he said. "None of them, really?" I frowned and stood up. When I reached him in a few strides and tried to take the book away from him he held it out of my reach.

"Yeah, very funny," I said humorlessly. "Now give it back, Azuriah," I forgot that I hadn't brought my journal to school today. When he handed it back to me I stuck the little black notebook in my pocket.

"Sorry," he said with a shy smile. "I forgot you're a bit sensitive about your journal."

"Its fine," I said, moving around him to close the doors of my wardrobe. I'm sure Mark and Anna won't mind if I keep just one book… I grabbed my favorite one from the top of the front most stacks: _The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes._

"I think that's everything," I said. "Mark and Anna will be back in an hour or so to get everything else."

"Do you want to wait for them?" he asked and I shook my head.

"No, I said goodbye this morning. We can go," I answered and Azuriah shrugged indifferently.

"All right then, let's go," he said, taking my backpack before I got the chance and bounding back down the stairs. I shook my head disbelievingly but found myself smiling as I followed him outside, locking the front door behind me and slipping the key under the welcome mat.

When I tried to take my backpack back Azuriah insisted on carrying it because "It's only like a block away anyway."


	13. Chapter 13

When we got to Azuriah's house he immediately went inside. Instead of lingering in the doorway like last time I was here I trailed close behind him and closed the door once we were inside, allowing us to escape from the late October chill.

"Hey we're home!" he called to no one in particular. As soon as he stepped into the living room a girl with real short brown hair jumped out from around the corner and put him in a headlock.

Stopping, half hidden by the door frame, I watched to see who it was. I would have been concerned but Azuriah was laughing.

"Charlie, get off!" he laughed, trying to pry her arm from around his neck. Giving him a gentle push she finally let him go.

He stood up and straightened his shirt before turning to face me. Azuriah looked like he was about to say something but stopped, laughing.

"Rowyn, it's alright," he said, grinning. "Come on, you don't have to be shy."

He held out his hand to me, presumably to bring me forward, but glancing around I saw Echo and River on the couch watching us with exaggerated suspicion. Ignoring his outstretched hand I came around the corner into the open and flicked my head to the side to get my hair out of my eyes.

"This is my sister Charlie," Azuriah said. "She has somehow managed to get off of school this weekend so she's visiting for Halloween," he finished and I nodded politely.

"It's nice to meet you," I said, trying to make a good first impression. "I'm Rowyn."

Now that I was seeing her more clearly I saw that her hair was the same color as her father's, if memory serves correct, and was styled in a semi-spiked boy cut that suited her well. Her skin was clear, save for a few freckles across the bridge of her nose and her eyes were big and dark brown. Come to think of it, she actually looks more like her father than anyone else in her family; she was tall, too, maybe half an inch taller than Azuriah. She couldn't have been older than 18 or 19 though.

"So you're Rowyn," she mused, smiling. "I've heard loads about you."

"Have you now?" Azuriah asked as he moved our backpacks from where he had dropped them to against the wall. "From who?"

"Two identical little birds told me," she said not-so-vaguely. "The twins seem to be under the impression the impression that you two are… involved," she finished.

"Great," I muttered, ducking my head so my fringe cast a shadow over my features, hiding my blush.

"Well that's not exactly true," Azuriah said over the twins' laughter. "At least not the way they're implying."

"Semantics," Charlie said, waving her hand dismissively.

It was then that Mrs. Young came sweeping into the room.

"Hi, Rowyn," she said and I nodded uncomfortably. "Why don't you three go sit by the twins and I'll get you something to drink. It must be cold out there, what with it being Halloween tomorrow. I'll make some hot chocolate. Who wants some?" she asked.

Charlie, Echo, and River all answered enthusiastically and when I didn't say anything Azuriah answered instead.

"For both of us, thanks," he said. I would've answered but my mind was a bit caught up with "Halloween tomorrow" and the realization that, with my luck, my new foster family would probably be big on holidays. I resisted the urge to sigh and followed Azuriah across the room. Knowing the couch would be crowded with five people, he and I sat on the carpeted floor on the other side of the short glass coffee table. Charlie and Azuriah bantered back and forth with Echo and River and after a few minutes Mrs. Young came out of the kitchen using a cutting board as a tray to hold the five steaming mugs. She set the makeshift tray down on the table and took a seat between Charlie and the twins while everyone took a mug and Azuriah handed one to me.

I looked down at it curiously, never having had hot chocolate before, but decided to give it a while to cool down after Echo and River both simultaneously burned themselves trying to drink it too soon. Instead I just held it and let the heated ceramic warm my hands.

"So have you found somewhere for Rowyn to sleep tonight since Charlie has the couch?" Azuriah asked before blowing on the surface of his hot chocolate and taking a drink, somehow managing not to burn himself.

"I figured he could just share with you," Mrs. Young said simply and my hands tightened around my mug as Azuriah nearly choked on his hot chocolate and started coughing. I gave him a concerned look after his coughing had subsided.

"Really, Az, it's not that big a deal," Mrs. Young said, frowning. The twins were beside themselves with laughter and Charlie looked as though she was struggling to contain her own. I, however, had gone quite pale.

"It's not like you have a choice," Charlie said, her voice shaking with the effort it apparently took not to laugh.

"Shut up," Azuriah said hoarsely to the hysterical twins, who immediately stifled their laughter after hearing the tone of his voice. "Whatever, it's fine."

The twins, unfortunately, regained their mischievous, troublesome nature quickly.

"Hey Echo, Rowyn's gone all pale and quiet," River started. I was looking pointedly down at the table.

"So he has," Echo said. "I wonder why… do you think it's 'cause he doesn't want to?" my hands tightened around my mug until my knuckles were white.

"No, I don't think so," River said. "I think it's because he _does_ want to."

"River-" Charlie started. She looked nervous and Mrs. Young was frowning disapprovingly but Echo ignored her.

"By golly, I think you're right!" Echo said and I stood up before she could say anything else, hands clenched to hide their shaking.

"If you'll excuse me," I said quietly, trying desperately to keep my voice from trembling, keeping my head down. After that I walked quickly from the room, only vaguely hearing Azuriah try to stop me. I get enough of it at school, I wasn't about to be bullied here as well.

Not knowing exactly where I was going, when I walked past the stairs I saw the office was empty. Mr. Young must not get home until later. I went into the dark office, not sure where else I could go as I couldn't exactly leave, and waited for a few minutes, knowing that Azuriah would soon follow me. I was right, too. In a few short minutes Azuriah came in hesitantly, knocking on the door frame.

"Rowyn?" he asked.

"Yeah I'm here," I said and he came in, turning the light on.

"I'm sorry, Rowyn, that was completely uncalled for and they know it. Don't judge them too harshly, though, okay? They're not usually like this but whenever Charlie visits they feel like they have to misbehave to get any attention," he explained to me and I nodded slowly. "Come on, it won't happen again, I promise."

I took his outstretched hand this time and let him lead me back out into the living room. I knew I would have to go back eventually so I figured it would be best to go back with him. When we reentered the living room the twins were looking down sheepishly.

"We're sorry," Echo started.

"That was totally un-cool and not true," River finished.

"Probably untrue," Echo corrected.

"Maybe untrue," River said smiling.

"Girls," Mrs. Young said warningly.

"Sorry," the replied in unison, looking back down to try to hide their smiles.

"Apology accepted, I guess," I said quietly and Azuriah and I sat back down.

Azuriah and his family talked for a while, and when their conversation ran out Charlie turned to look at me.

"You're quite the loquacious one, aren't you?" she said playfully.

"Not really," I answered, ignoring the sarcasm.

"Charlie is actually majoring in creative writing, so she likes to use a lot of big words," Azuriah said, and Charlie nodded.

"Yep," she said. "Loquacious means-"

"Talkative, I know," I interrupted. I knew it was probably rude to interrupt but I don't like when people assume I don't know something.

"Alright, smart guy. What does recalcitrant mean?" she said, smiling.

"Rebellious," I said, and paused to think. "Well to put it simply, anyway."

"I have an idea," Charlie said. "It's still only about 4:45, so about 15 minutes before dad gets home and we have time to kill. Let's play a game."

"What sort of game?" Echo and River said in eerie unison.

"Let's all go around and pick the biggest word we can think of to describe ourselves," she said. "When you think of a good one just say it, we won't take turns. Mine is 'pedant.' I'm very particular about small details."

"Meretricious," I said quietly, giving no explanation despite the fact that everyone looked at me curiously. Charlie seemed to be the only one who knew what it meant.

"Hey, now I don't believe that's quite true," she said, frowning.

"Why, what does it mean?" Azuriah asked.

"Meretricious," she recited, "outwardly attractive, physically or otherwise, but in actuality having no value or integrity."

Azuriah opened his mouth to protest but I shrugged and cut him off.

"She asked for how I would describe myself not for how others would describe me, what about you Azuriah?"

"Er… Charlie, quick, synonyms for friendly," he said, grinning at her like he's done this to her a thousand times, and he probably has because she immediately started naming them off.

"Cordial, benevolent, sympathetic, good-natured, benign, convivial, gregarious, companionable, congenial," she looked like she was about to go on but Azuriah laughed, stopping her short.

"All of those are fine, I can't choose one though so just all of them," he said, grinning. "Good to have you back, Charlie."

"Good to be back, little brother! Okay who's next?" she said cheerfully.

We spent the next 20 minutes making Charlie and I help come up with words to describe everyone and soon the door opened and Mr. Young came in.

"Meticulous!" Charlie shouted at him from across the room.

"Expelliarmus!" he shouted back and everyone laughed.

"No, dad," she laughed, jumping over the back of the couch and running over to hug him. "Meticulous means attentive to detail."

"I knew that," he said, hugging her and ruffling her short hair. When he let go he leaned back out the door to pick something up and came back in holding three thin, square boxes.

"I brought pizza!" he said, going to set them at the dinner table.

"Cool!" the twins said together.

"Wrong!" he said, pointing at them for emphasis, making them stop in their tracks, and pausing dramatically before continuing. "It's actually quite warm," even I laughed this time, albeit quietly. I've never been around such a large family that was so comfortable with one another, and Azuriah's family in particular was very domestic. It was a nice change.

By the time we had all finished eating (Azuriah made me have at least three slices of pizza) it was about 6:30. We had about three or four hours to kill before it was time to go to sleep and Charlie, of course, suggested we play Scrabble, but we ended up taking Azuriah's suggestion of Monopoly instead. Having so many people playing at once it took almost three hours to finish. I didn't say a word the entire game yet somehow I ended up bankrupting everyone and winning the game.

It was about 9:45 now and the twins had to go to bed, but Azuriah and I stayed up for a while longer to watch Full House and Friends with Charlie. By the time she finally turned off the TV and kicked us out of the living room it was about 11p.m.

I followed Azuriah up to his room and we quickly got dressed for bed (the only difference between our sleepwear being that while we were both wearing long cotton pants, he didn't bother to put on a t-shirt). When we had both finished getting ready, we stood uncomfortably on opposite sides of the room. The bed was pretty big so there wasn't much of a problem there; nevertheless it was incredibly awkward at first.

"Do you want to-" he started

"It's your bed, you should go first," I said, cutting him off, determined not to make it more awkward than it was.

"Right. Right. Yeah, right," he murmured self-consciously.

"If it's going to be this uncomfortable the entire night, I should just sleep on the floor," I said.

"No! No, I mean, there's no reason for that. Just. Um. Come here."

I hesitated a moment and then slid in next to Azuriah.

"This isn't as bad as I thought it would be," he said, looking at the ceiling rather than at me.

"Did you really think it would be so bad?" I asked curiously, too tired to be self-conscious. Azuriah chuckled sleepily.

"Not really."

We lay there for a few minutes more, side by side, not speaking. My eyelids began to grow heavy and soon I was asleep.

I woke up only once, which was good considering most of the time I wake several times a night due to nightmares. At first I wondered what the warm weight around me was. Did you know when two people share a bed, once asleep they instinctively shift towards one another? Some time during the night Azuriah had shifted towards me and locked his arms securely around my middle. A hand had snaked up my shirt to rest broad and warm on my stomach and his face rested in my hair, his lips almost but not quite touching the back of my neck.

A deep warmth pooled in my stomach and it took a moment for me to steady my breathing and then it just reminded me of when I was maybe 3 or 4 years old and Griffin would come into my room whenever I had a nightmare and stay with me the rest of the night, and thinking of this I instinctively nestled in closer. In his sleep, Azuriah's arms tightened around my waist and soon I was asleep again.


	14. Chapter 14

When I woke up that morning Azuriah was already awake, I found this out when I turned to look at him and found him already watching me.

"How long have you been watching me sleep?" I asked groggily, starting to disentangle myself from him.

"A while," he shrugged.

"That's really creepy, you know that right?" I said jokingly and he smiled. So we had spent the night together and nothing had changed. A soft smile ghosted over my features as I stood up, glad that nothing had really changed.

"Good morning," Azuriah said, smiling. "Happy Halloween."

"Halloween…" I said, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. "How old is too old to trick-or-treat?" I asked curiously while we got dressed, facing away from one another.

"Oh, you're never too old to trick-or-treat," he said excitedly. "When was the last time you've been?"

"Never, as far as I can remember," I said with a shrug. I sat back down on the edge of the bed after we had gotten dressed.

"Never? Well Charlie and I are going to take the twins out tonight, you can come with," he said. It wasn't a question.

"I don't have a costume," I said, trying to come up with an excuse not to go even though I knew I was grasping at straws.

"That's alright, Charlie brought these when she came," he said, going over to his closet and taking out what looked like a brown sweatshirt and a black one. After pulling the brown one over his bright red shirt, not bothering to zip it up, he tossed the black one to me.

"Here, put this on," he said as I caught it. I was wondering what this could've possibly had to do with costumes when Azuriah put the hood of his jacket up. On the hood there was fabric hanging down that had been shaped to look, as I should have guessed, like dog ears. Holding up the hood of mine I saw that it was the same for me except mine was supposed to be a cat.

"Azuriah-" I started to say.

"Please, Rowyn?" he pleaded, interrupting me and I sighed dejectedly, pulling it on over my white t-shirt and zipping it up all the way. Azuriah put up my hood and grinned at me.

"Azuriah, I-" I started again; frowning and putting the hood back down.

"Come on," he said, not hearing me. "Dad will have breakfast ready by now," he took my hand and all but dragged me out the door and down the stairs, barefoot and hair ruffled. At the bottom of the stairs, pulling back on his hand, I finally got him to stop.

"Rowyn, what-" but he was now interrupted by Charlie.

"Aw, you guys look so cute!" she said, and I tugged my sleeve self-consciously with my free hand. I ducked my head down when I felt heat rush to my face.

"Azuriah I'm not comfortable with this," I said in a quiet rush, not wanting to be interrupted again.

"With what?" he asked, confused.

"I'm not comfortable wearing this to school," I clarified anxiously.

"Sometimes you have to do something you're uncomfortable with before you can grow as a person," Charlie said before Azuriah could answer.

"Right, but that being said you have every right to be scared. I'll walk with you to all your classes, though, okay?" he said. "Nothing will happen, I promise." I hesitated, unsure, but eventually I nodded.

We ate breakfast (Mr. Young made French toast) and moved all of my clothes, as well as my other things, from my backpack to a paper grocery bag so my backpack was free for school.

At school Azuriah did just as he said he would, somehow managing to make it to my classroom just as I was getting out of class to walk with me to my next class. Every time Jonathan or Ava passed us in the hall to or from classes they could do little more than glare, not daring to do anything more drastic. Right after lunch, however, on the way to English class, someone I had never seen before tripped me. He turned just long enough to see me, fallen on my hands and knees trying to gather the books I had dropped, and shout "Watch where you're going, faggot!" before disappearing back into the crowd.

Azuriah dropped to his knees to see if I was alright. I wasn't, but I was going to try not to let that be known. Physically I was fine, but that's never happened before, not really. If you don't count Jonathan and his friends, people tend to leave me alone, and I've always been fine with that. This is the first time a total stranger has physically bullied me, and I can count the number of times I've been called "faggot" on one hand.

Azuriah picked up the last notebook and held it out to me, resting one hand on my shoulder looking worried. I grabbed the notebook with one hand and pressed the heel of my other to my eyes. After all, they technically weren't tears if they never fell. I pushed his hand from my shoulder and stood back up without looking at him.

"You're mad at me," he said, his expression somewhere between realization and fright as he stood up.

"Yeah, actually, I am," I said crossly, looking up at him now.

"I've been with you all day, I didn't think anything would happen," he said.

"That isn't the point Azuriah! That could not be further from the point," I told him impatiently.

"Then what-"

"Do you know what I am at this school?" I interrupted, not waiting for an answer. "I'm invisible. Or at least I was. It's best that way because when I'm alone, I'm safe. The way I see it if I wasn't always so good at making myself invisible I would probably be dead by now and now I've gone and drawn attention to myself just because you wanted me to wear _this,_" I pulled the jacket over my head, not bothering with the zipper, and tossed it to him.

"I didn't make you wear it, I only asked…" he said quietly, and he didn't look sad or angry. He looked scared.

"You didn't just ask, okay? You can't 'please, Rowyn,' me and then say you only asked," I said, mimicking his tone and body language. "If you ask me to do something really genuinely the way that you do I can't think of anything I wouldn't do. You could ask me to jump off a building and I probably would, to be completely honest."

"Rowyn… I'm sorry," he said, his voice nearly cracking. "I didn't know."

"Just… don't, okay? We can talk later, I'm late for Science," I left before he had a chance to respond, disappearing into the crowd.

I knew I should talk to him but for the rest of the day I avoided him, feeling worse and worse about what I had done. While I was still sort of mad at him I shouldn't have said the things I did. He meant well, after all, and he wasn't the one who tripped me.

After school I checked my new address on my phone and started walking, my backpack on my back and the grocery bag full of my personal belongings held in front of me (Mr. Collins let me keep it in his room during the school day). The address wasn't far from school, maybe a 10 minute walk, but it was in the opposite direction as before which meant I couldn't walk home with Azuriah anymore.

About five or six minutes after I had started walking my phone buzzed in my pocket and when I checked it I saw that someone had texted me.

_Where r u?_ It was from Azuriah. I turned my phone off without replying.

When I got to my new home I frowned. I was sure I had the address right, but I hadn't been expecting this at all. The house was a big, Victorian-style house, three stories tall and looking ancient.

I wasn't sure if I should knock or not but figured that it probably wouldn't go over well if I just invited myself in, so when I reached the door I knocked a few times and waited. The door was opened by a lithe blonde girl who looked a bit younger than me, maybe 14. When she saw me she turned around and called into the house in an almost sing-song voice.

"Mom, dad, new kid's here!" she said, sounding bored, before going back inside, leaving the door open for me.

I cautiously made my way inside. The inside of the house was just like the outside: spacious, beautiful, and very old. The front doorway led into the foyer, a few feet forward was the base of a large staircase. The foyer was openly connected to the living room, but other than that I had no idea where anything was. I did notice, though, that in the middle of the living room, instead of a sofa there was a grand piano. The sofa was in front of a fire place in the corner.

Not twenty seconds later two people came down the stairs.

"Actually, my name is Rowyn. I don't think I've met anyone called 'new kid,'" I said, going for humor.

"Right…" the man said, and hearing the tone of his voice I immediately abandoned trying to be funny. It was never really my strong suit anyway.

"Well I'm Stephen," he said, holding out his hand. Instead of shaking it I laced my fingers together behind my back and gave him an apologetic look.

"Right…" he said again. "This is my wife Clara and our daughter Isabella," he said. "As for us," he gestured to himself and to Clara. "You can call us mom and dad, mother and father, something like that." I'm not comfortable referring to them as my parents, but they obviously didn't want me using their first names. I thought for a moment before deciding my best course of action and responding.

"Yes, sir," I said softly and he nodded.

"That works too," he said approvingly. "What about you, then?" I frowned, confused.

"What about me?"

"Grades, friends, skills, interests?" he prompted. If they had read the file given to them by the FCC (Foster Care Center) they would know most of this, which basically means they decided to take me in simply because I looked like they might like me.

"Er… well I've never gotten worse than a B+," I started, but stopped when he shook his head.

"We'll be expecting all A's," he said. I've only ever really gotten one B+ and it was only a fraction of a percent away from an A-, if that. I just nodded though and kept going.

"My best friend is Azuriah, he lives on the side of the school opposite from us, about the same distance."

"You must be quite friendly to know exactly where he lives," Stephen interrupted and I responded, un-phased.

"Of course I know where he lives; I've been there quite a few times. Besides-"

"Older your younger?" Stephen interrupted again.

"Older…" I answered cautiously.

"By how much?"

"A year and four months," I answered automatically. "What does this have to do with anyth-"

"And you're just friends?" he cut me off yet again.

"Well yeah," I said, getting irritated. "If we weren't I probably would've said boyfriend instead of best friend."

"Good, keep it that way," he ignored my sarcasm. The statement was meant as an end to the conversation but there was no way I was letting that one slide.

"Excuse me?" I scoffed disbelievingly.

"Girlfriends, boyfriends," he started, seeming to assume I simply didn't understand. "The prior is fine but the latter is… unnatural. We'll be having none of it," I crossed my arms loosely, frankly shocked at his primal close-mindedness as well as his immediate assumption that we were more then friends without having even met Azuriah.

"I really don't think that's your decision to make," I told him. Normally I would be more polite but I haven't been able to finish a decent sentence since I had gotten here and I was getting annoyed.

"Alright, let me rephrase," he told me sternly. "If there is anything like… that, going on, we will _disown_ you. Then who knows where you'd end up? Across town, across state? You'd almost definitely have to switch schools. Am I clear?" he said.

"Yes, sir," I said dejectedly.

"Good. Isabella why don't you show Rowyn to his room?"

"Do I have to?" she whined, twirling a piece of shoulder-length blonde hair around a finger. She sounded like he had asked her to scrub the house from top to bottom.

"Isabella-" he started threateningly.

"Fine," she sighed before he could go on. "Come on, new kid, it's on the third floor," she flew up the stairs, not looking back to see if I was following.

At the second floor she stopped to point at a closed door.

"That's my room," she told me. "You enter, you die."

"Got it…" I said, following her up the last set of stairs.

The third floor looked like it was mostly for storage, but there was a room to the left that I assumed was mine.

"It's right there," Isabella gestured to the door, confirming my suspicions. "I'll assume you don't need a map to get the rest of the way there," to that I just nodded, I was already sick of arguing, and she swept back down the stairs. Perhaps living here won't be as easy as I thought.

I wove my way around the stacks of boxes and opened my door, stepping inside.

There was a small bed in the corner, a dresser, and a desk that sat next to a bookshelf. There wasn't any décor, though there was a window about a foot from the bed. Unlike the rest of the ornate house, all of the furniture was very plain. It was like they had taken the room and switched the setting from 'Victorian' to 'default.'

The only books on the shelf were reference books, but there were a lot of them. Dictionaries, thesauruses, books for math, science, a collection of world languages including but not limited to French, Spanish, Latin, German, and even Polish. There were many more and I assumed they were to help me study.

I put my backpack on the desk and set my bag on the bed. When I had finished putting away my clothes I put my alarm clock on top of the dresser and put my photograph on the windowsill, which was probably about two feet off the ground. After I had finished with all of that I sat down on my bed and took out my phone, turning it back on.

It was about 4:05 and I had 17 texts and 2 voicemails. The texts were all pretty similar.

_"I'm sorry"_

_"Please talk to me"_

_"I'm sorry,_" and so on.

There was one from Charlie, though. God knows how she got my number. _"Rowyn, talk to Azuriah. Hes been pacing since he got home."_

Leave it to a writer to use near perfect grammar even when texting. I opened my voicemails now. The first one was similar to the texts, if a bit longer, but the most recent voicemail was different.

_"Okay you don't have to talk to me if you don't want to but I still have to take Echo and River trick-or-treating tonight, if you still want to come you should be here around 6:30 because we're leaving at 7 so we'll wait for you until then. Okay call me back… or you probably won't so I guess just sort of showing up is fine too… right, bye," _there was a click that told me he had hung up after that.

I only had to think for a moment before making my decision. I sat at my desk and did my homework, despite the fact that it was Friday, and by the time I was finished it was nearly 6, I had ignored it when I was called down to supper. When I was finished with my homework I ran down the stairs, making hardly any noise, and stopped in the living room where Clara and Stephen were sitting on the couch in front of the fireplace.

"I'm going to a friend's house," I said, and it wasn't a question.

"Azuriah's?" Stephan asked, looking up from the book he had been reading.

"Seems like a pretty safe assumption considering I don't really have any other friends," I said impatiently.

"When will you be back?" Clara asked quietly. It was the first thing she had said to me since I got here.

"Probably around eight," I guessed. She nodded and went back to whatever it is she was doing; it looked like she was reading but every so often she'd mark something down in the book so I had no idea. Stephen frowned when Clara nodded but then he nodded too.

"Fine, just be back no later than eight thirty," he said. I nodded and was out the door before anyone could say anything else.


	15. Chapter 15

When I got to Azuriah's house it was 6:37pm and knowing it wouldn't do well to hesitate I bounded up to the door and knocked. There was a clattering noise as well as Azuriah's muffled "Sorry, sorry!" from inside and I smiled with amusement, imagining Azuriah rushing to the door and knocking something over in his haste.

He opened the door and pulled me into a hug as soon as he saw me. I stiffened at first, caught off guard, but it took only a moment for me to adjust and hug him back.

"Don't ever do that again, okay? You'll probably get mad at me a lot because I screw up a lot but don't just leave it for so long," he said before letting me go.

"I know… I promise I won't, I'm sorry," I said, crossing one arm over my stomach self-consciously and looking down.

"Don't be, it was my fault anyway. Come on," he said and led me inside. I shut the front door behind us and we went into the living room where Charlie was helping the twins with their makeup. They were going as Glinda and Elphaba from Wicked, River being Glinda and Echo being Elphie. There was face paint and all sorts of other Halloween makeup spread out over the coffee table while Charlie did River's makeup and Echo waited patiently.

"Charlie if you don't hurry up you won't have enough time to do Echo's makeup too," Azuriah said as he flopped down on the couch next to her and River.

"Shut up, I'm almost nearly done," she said distractedly and Azuriah laughed.

I checked the time, and Azuriah was right. It was about 6:40 and neither of them had costumes on; if they wanted to leave by 7 they needed some help. I wasn't sure what to do but when I looked over at Echo I saw that she knew Azuriah was right too, and she looked completely let down. I remembered Azuriah once telling me that the twins' favorite holiday was Halloween.

"Azuriah is right," I said, making up my mind. "You won't be able to leave in time at this rate. Let me help."

Echo's eyes lit up and she looked at me in surprise.

"Really? I mean, Azuriah would but he's not very good with whole face paint," she said. I assumed that because she was so specific he was pretty good with little things like fake scars, which didn't surprise me.

I nodded with an amused smile. "Of course I'll help," I said, going to the table. "Judging by all the green I'm guessing you're Elphie, right?"

She nodded. I kneeled in front of her and got to work as best I could, making her skin green. It had taken about 6 or 7 minutes to get it all even but when I was done she and River went to get their costumes on, Charlie going with them to help them not smudge their makeup.

I sat down on the couch next to Azuriah and he smiled at me.

"Thanks," he said. "She would have been devastated if we didn't finish her costume."

We waited in companionable silence for a few minutes before the twins came prancing out looking excited. River twirled around in her billowing white dress and Echo struggled to get the hang of walking in her witch shoes. When they weren't striving for any sort of attention, good or bad, they were actually quite cute.

"So what about you, Rowyn?" Charlie asked as she came back into the room.

"What about me?" I responded for the second time today.

"Well we are going trick-or-treating, and you can't very well go trick-or-treating without a costume."

"Er… well-" I was cut off by Azuriah.

"Charlie, he doesn't need to have a costume," he said, trying to defend me.

"We've still got that jacket from before, and then you'd match Azuriah," I'm not sure Charlie even heard Azuriah.

"How about we do this…" I said thoughtfully. "If everyone in your family unanimously decides that I need a costume, _after_ hearing the story of what happened at school today, I'll wear it."

"Fine," Charlie said. "But, under those grounds, if every single person in this house, not including you, of course, decides you should wear it, you have to wear the whole costume, not just the jacket," she drove a hard bargain but I accepted, knowing it was a fair deal.

With that, Azuriah jumped into an enigmatic rendition of what happened at school. With him telling the story I was lost listening to it and it was like it had happened to someone else rather than me. I learn new things all the time, and now I've learned that Azuriah is an absolutely brilliant storyteller.

Azuriah's parents had been listening quietly from the doorway and when the story was over the room was quiet for a moment before Charlie spoke.

"Okay, hands up if you think Rowyn should wear the cat costume," she said and put her hand up. Looking around, everyone else had a hand raised too.

"Really?" I said indignantly. "After all of that you still want me to wear it?"

"It would be adorable," Mrs. Young said with a rueful smile. I looked at Azuriah incredulously and he just shrugged in what I assumed was agreement.

"You know what, fine," I said. "I said that I would so I'm going to."

Charlie disappeared up the steps and came back with some things in her hands, one of them being the black jacket. She tossed the jacket to me and dropped the rest of the things in Azuriah's lap, presumably for him to help me with.

I put the jacket on and zipped it up and he handed me something else, it too was black but significantly smaller with something metal on it.

"What is it?" I asked as I took it from him.

"Er… well…" he said nervously and I held it up.

"It's a collar," I said, frowning.

"It's a choker," he corrected.

"It has a _bell,_" I argued.

"You said full costume," he argued back.

I sighed, taking the strip of fabric from him and putting it around my neck, reaching my hands back to clasp the two ends together. The only thing left in Azuriah's hands was a small, clear container full of something black.

"Face paint." I realized, grimacing. "Fantastic."

"It's not that bad," he told me, seeing my maybe a little dramatic response. "Come here, I'll help you."

Charlie was helping the twins with last-minute adjustments at the front door while they waited for us and I turned toward Azuriah, crossing my legs.

"Just… try to sit still, okay?" he said after unscrewing the lid of the container and I nodded.

I sat looking up at him, probably tenser than I needed to be, while he did my costume makeup. It only took a minute and then he did his own, presumably identical to mine. Whiskers. Figures.

He took another 'choker' that was similar to mine, but his was red and had a flat sort of disk, a dog tag, instead of a bell. I fidgeted while he struggled with the clasp and before long my inner control freak overpowered my better judgment and I reached around his neck, clasping the ends of the collar together. He looked down at me with a cocky grin and, feeling my face flush, I pulled my hands away.

We went over to join Charlie and the twins at the door.

"Okay, I think we're all ready," he said. I was looking down at the ground but looked up now as Charlie opened the door. She was wearing a greenish hunting jacket and a strange-looking necklace. It was far from what she normally wore, from what Azuriah has told me, so I knew it must be a costume.

"You're going as…?" I trailed the question off, trying not to be rude.

"Dean Winchester, from Supernatural," she answered.

"You are so weird," Azuriah remarked fondly.

"Bitch," she said, smiling.

"Jerk," he replied, catching her apparent reference and bounding out the door.

Echo and River followed at his heels and Charlie wasn't far behind. I closed the door behind us and Azuriah fell back to walk with me. He told me that they normally trick-or-treat for about an hour and a half, making their way around the school and back.

All while we walked I stuck close to Azuriah while the twins walked with Charlie a few paces ahead of us. As we were approaching a road to cross, after walking for about 45 minutes, I tapped Azuriah's shoulder to get his attention.

"Hm?"

"I live down this street," I said, gesturing to the road leading away from school.

"Oh, okay. Hang on a second," he sped up to get Charlie's attention.

"Hm?" she echoed him.

"Rowyn lives around her," he told her. "I'm going to go with him to make sure he gets home alright. I'll be home later."

"Okay," she nodded. "Be careful."

We walked for a few minutes before I said anything.

"It's not too far from here," I said and he nodded. I was busy worrying about how my foster family would react to Azuriah's presence when I remembered I was still in costume. Pulling my sleeves down over my hands I wiped off the face paint. After I was satisfied that it was all off I pulled off the choker and turned to Azuriah.

"Hold up a second," I told him and he stopped walking, turning to look at me curiously. Before he could say anything I stood up on my toes and used my sleeve to get his face paint off.

"Hey!" he protested, making a face and grabbing my wrists. "What're you doing?"

"My new foster parents are really strict," I explained simply, finishing removing his face paint.

He nodded and took off his own choker, understanding. I was glad he didn't ask any more questions. When I started walking again Azuriah grabbed my arm to stop me.

"What is it?" my voice was calm but my skin burned where he held my arm and I had to look away to be able to concentrate.

"You have… er, you just missed some…" I had no clue what he was trying to say.

"Spit it out, then, or we can just keep going," I said I'd be home by 8:30 and it was already past 8:15.

"Uh… here," he let go of my arm and held one hand beneath my chin, tilting my face up so I was looking directly at him, my hair falling around my eyes rather than over them. I was beating myself up about freezing instead of moving away when he brought his free hand up to my face, brushing something away with the tips of his fingers. My eyes widened and I wanted to say something but I couldn't find my voice.

"You missed some of your face paint," he explained fondly. I wanted to pull away but he was still holding me still.

"Y… you could have just told me," I protested meekly.

"I could have…" he admitted.

"But?" I asked curiously, wondering why he didn't.

"But you're cute when you blush," he said with a gentle smile. This time I did pull away. He's never been this forward before. Or… has he? I didn't know what to think, let alone what to say, so I just kept walking.

As we walked I reminded him to pull down his hood. I only realized after taking my black jacket off that I had left my regular grey jacket at Azuriah's house. I sighed and resolved to get it tomorrow.

Approaching the house Azuriah started to look a bit intimidated.

"You live in a pretty big house," he remarked quietly.

"Mhm. Okay so a quick prep," I started, knowing what was to come and glad for the subject change. "Stephen – er, Mr. VanPelt is the strict one. He's quick to jump to conclusions so try to make a good first impression. He also seems to be extremely homophobic so be careful about that."

"Best not mention Danni if they ask about my family, then," he interrupted, thinking out loud.

"Who?" I asked, never having heard him mention the name before.

"It's short for Danielle, she and Charlie have been together since their sophomore year of high school, so almost four years," he explained.

"Right, okay," I nodded, unfazed. "Probably better leave that out.

"Other than that there's just Mrs. VanPelt, who has yet to speak to me at all, and Isabella. She's… well, you'll see," I finished

"Alright, alright!" he sighed dramatically then smiled to let me know he was just messing around. "Can we go in now?"

"Yeah, just… don't get on their bad side," I said. "They already don't like you – don't ask me why, I have no idea. Don't give them any reason to dislike you even more, though, because it probably wouldn't end well."

"Noted," he said, and with that we went inside.

"I'm back!" I called out, making myself known to anyone who was listening. Sure enough I got an unintelligible reply from Isabella in the living room and Stephen came out immediately.

"Who is this?" he asked skeptically. The question was directed towards me but he never took his eyes off Azuriah. I took an inaudible breath, mentally prepping myself.

"This is Azuriah… he's just here to be sure I got home safe," I explained, careful to keep my voice clear.

"It's nice to meet you, Mr. VanPelt," he greeted him formally.

"Right…" was all Stephan said. There was an uncomfortable silence in which Azuriah happened to glance around. His eye must have caught on something in the next room because he was the one to break the silence.

"You have a beautiful piano," he said, eyes glimmering with excitement and mischief. I watched him carefully, trying to discern where he was going with this but I had no clue.

"Do you play?" Stephen asked, sounding surprised.

"No, sir, not me. But I know someone who does," he smiled.

"Don't you dare," I hissed, quiet enough that Stephen didn't hear.

"Rowyn do you want to play something for us on the piano?" he finished, ignoring my request.

"I had no idea you knew how to play the piano," Stephen said, walking to the next room. "Go ahead and play something for us."

I looked at Azuriah, eyes shooting daggers, before we followed him into the living room.

"What?" he whispered. "C'mon, it'll be easy."

"Easy is the descent into Hell," I quoted grimly. He seemed to find my theatrics pretty amusing and went ahead of me into the living room.

I sat down at the piano and could sense everyone behind me, watching me, but I ignored them. I hadn't wanted my foster family to know that I could play the piano because I knew that once they did they would want me to show them. Being as strict as they are I wanted to be sure I could do as best I possibly could and, frankly, I felt that I needed to show off. I've been working on memorizing the most difficult song I've ever played on piano but I haven't quite been able to do it all the way through without messing up yet. All the same, here goes everything and nothing.

I positioned my fingers over the keys, bowing my head down over them so I could focus, and began to play the Death Waltz.

I positioned my fingers over the keys, bowing my head down over them so I could focus, and began to play the Death Waltz.

_[Author's note: listen to the song here, it's insanely difficult __ watch?v=tds0qoxWVss__]_

After about two and a half minutes I found myself smiling. I had been playing flawlessly and I had never gotten this far without missing a key before. It was in those few seconds, about three fourths of the way through the song, when I felt someone push me from behind. Had I not been so concentrated I would have noticed them approach me but I was oblivious.

I was pushed forward and my fingers slipped on the keys, the clashing of notes deafening in the quiet of the room. I could have kept playing but I found myself unable to move, frozen but for the trembling of my hands, still poised over the keys. I vaguely heard Azuriah arguing with Isabella but it seemed as though it was from a great distance away. I was broken out of my devastated state when I heard him shout.

"Azuriah," my voice was quiet but the tone if it caused everyone to fall silent. "I think it's about time that you went home."

"Rowyn..?" I could hear the confusion in his voice; he was sticking up for me after all.

I turned my head just far enough to be able to see him out of the corner of my eye, my hair falling over the rest of my face.

_"Leave," _just when I was trying to be forceful my voice cracked. I knew I would see him tomorrow anyway, I could explain myself then but right now he needed to get out of here before things got out of hand.

"…Fine," he put up much less of an argument as I expected, which wasn't exactly reassuring. I heard him leave and when I knew he had his back turned I looked back up, just in time to see the front door close behind him.

Standing up, I excused myself without looking at any of the three people left in the room and went upstairs. As soon as my door was shut behind me I collapsed onto my bed and got out my phone.

_I'll explain tomorrow._

I hit the button to send the text to Azuriah before I could decide not to and turned over in my bed so my face was buried in the pillow. Why do things like this always happen? Why can't I just be happy for once?

When my phone buzzed I turned my head so I could see properly and checked my inbox.

_Why tomorrow? Why not Monday at school?_

Mentally kicking myself I realized I had been jumping to conclusions again and texted him back.

_I left my jacket at your house. Can I come by tomorrow evening after dinner to pick it up?_

I haven't had a decent amount of sleep for weeks and I was exhausted, but I couldn't sleep, there was too much going through my head. After receiving a text from Azuriah saying that it was fine for me to drop by tomorrow I sighed and stood up, knowing that I needed to do something to clear my head.

Only after I stood up did I realize the flaw in my initial plan. My journal was, evidently, in my jacket pocket. Before I knew what I was doing the chair was kicked over, the leg of it pulling a cord and causing the desk lamp to come crashing to the ground, taking several papers and notebooks with it.

"Damn it!" I cursed, falling to the ground. Only when I hid my face in my hands did I notice I had tears streaming down my face.

Is this what everyone has always been warning me about, all while I was growing up? Have I finally reached my breaking point?

_Pull yourself together, _I told myself. _What are you so upset about? _

Things will be fine tomorrow when I explain why I had to do what I did to Azuriah. It's not the journal either; he knows not to read that. I'm not usually bothered by the other little things. I knew even when I had just arrived here that living here wouldn't be easy, too, so theoretically I shouldn't be bothered with any of those things. I guess with everything piling up it's finally gotten overwhelming… that plus the fact that I'm so damn _tired_ all the time.

I was thinking about how I could try to deal with everything when suddenly my mind was blank. Opening my eyes I saw the dim grey of the morning before dawn out the window and found myself slumped over with my back against the foot of my bed.

_I must have fallen asleep… I wonder what time it is._ I thought to myself, yawning. Standing up I looked over at my alarm clock.

"Eugh," I groaned, throwing myself back down onto my bed. It was just after 4 in the morning. I knew I must have had a nightmare that woke me up but I couldn't remember what it was about. Pulling my pillow over my head I shut my eyes and tried to go back to sleep, drifting in and out of consciousness until about 9am.


	16. Chapter 16

Saturday morning and I had absolutely nothing to do. I told Azuriah I would come over after dinner but that was a long way off, so to kill time I reread the only book I brought with me from my old house: _The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes._ Not the entire works, just the short version, it's the one most middle school libraries provide.

After reading it cover to cover I looked over at the clock which read 3:17pm. I had about two hours left before I could go to Azuriah's house so I finished my homework and read the first few chapters of Sherlock Holmes again.

After pulling on a fresh set of clothes, dark jeans and a black long-sleeved shirt I made my way down the stairs. I didn't bother with an undershirt like I do most days. It was 5:30 and I told Stephen that I left my jacket at Azuriah's house and was going to go get it. He gave me the same rule as before, telling me to be sure I was home by 8:30.

As I walked I noticed right away that the sky was overcast, but I hoped to get to Azuriah's house before the rain started. Halfway down the block I took my phone out to text Azuriah.

_On my way over, be there around 6ish_

When I was still more than 10 minutes away it started to rain, it wasn't raining hard but I sped my pace nonetheless. In just five minutes time the rain turned into a downpour and I ran the rest of the way.

When I arrived at his house and knocked on the door Azuriah almost immediately pulled me inside. He must have seen that it was raining and been waiting for me.

"Jesus, Rowyn, you're freezing!" he said, sounding concerned.

"I'm fine, it's just from the rain," I replied, trying to reassure him.

"You're going to get sick," he frowned. "Come on you need some dry clothes."

Before I could protest he grabbed my hand and led me up the stairs. I noticed Charlie watching us go with a look that I could have sworn was pity, as if she knew something that I didn't. I knew what she was thinking, though. When Azuriah gets worried, especially when he's fussing over me, his boundaries all but disappear. I knew if I didn't tread carefully this wouldn't end well.

Shutting his bedroom door behind us he went straight to the closet.

"Go ahead and sit down. I don't care if my bed gets wet, it doesn't matter," he told me, still looking through his clothes.

"Azuriah, you don't need to do that. Really, I'm fine," I told him.

He looked over at me and stopped, as if this was the first time he had looked at me properly since I arrived.

My hair was plastered down from the rain, even darker than usual, and my black shirt clung to my thin frame. Seeing him watching me I suddenly got very self-conscious and sat down on the bed, tucking my legs underneath me.

"You're going to make yourself sick," he finally persisted, looking away once again. "Go put these on," he tossed me some dry clothes, which I caught, but I put them down as soon as I did.

"I don't need to change clothes, I'll be alright, really," I said again. I don't know why I was being so adamant but I would dry off soon enough, this was unnecessary.

He frowned, convinced that he was right, and strode over to sit by me.

"Azuriah, what-" I started, beginning to ask what he was doing. I had to stop though when my voice caught in my throat. Azuriah, proving my "all boundaries set aside" theory, took hold of the hem of my shirt and was trying to pull it off, as if to force me to change clothes. I tried to push his hands away but he was determined.

"S… st-stop it," I stammered, still having trouble finding my voice. "Azuriah, stop!" I shouted, finally able to push him away.

There was a long silence before he spoke again.

"I…" he sat back, looking away. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize… I mean, it isn't really your fault. You tend to not be able to think straight when you're really worried. I'm kind of used to it," I reassured him quietly.

To be entirely honest, under normal circumstance I probably would have just gone with it. The truth is the only time he's ever seen beneath my shirt was when he was checking the injury Jonathan gave me, so he's never seen the scars my father gave me that cover my back and I wanted to keep it that way. I don't want him, or anyone else for that matter, to know about or see them. I've always hated them and I know that anyone else who sees them will too. It's the reason I almost always wear an undershirt, like I should have today.

"Okay, well I'm going to go get you a towel. I'll get my dad's tablet too, we can watch a movie or something while we wait for the rain to let up, there's no way you're walking home in this weather," I nodded and adjusted my sitting position, crossing my legs.

"You really are going to get sick if you stay like that, though. I'll be back in like five minutes, change your clothes," before I could protest he was out the door.

I knew he was probably right and I sighed, standing up. I quickly changed out of my clothes and into the set of clothes Azuriah had given me, blue jeans and a white t-shirt. They were too big, of course, but significantly more comfortable than my own rain-soaked clothes.

While I was waiting for Azuriah to come back in the first bout of thunder rolled. Flinching at the booming noise I brought my knees up to my chest. I've always hated thunderstorms.

Looking up as the door opened I saw Azuriah come back in and toss me a white bath towel. This, too, I set down after catching.

"Azuriah, I'm fine. Quit fussing over me," I insisted.

Rolling his eyes at my stubbornness he came over and picked up the towel, moving to sit behind me on his bed.

"What're you… hey!" I protested as he threw the towel over my head and worked on drying my hair.

"Do you know how ridiculous you are?" he asked fondly.

"As a matter of fact I don't," I replied sarcastically. "Care to tell me?"

"You are absolutely ridiculous," I could tell just from his voice that he was smiling.

"Yeah, well I probably get it from you," I said and he laughed, taking the towel away now and tossing it across the room into a laundry basket.

"That's probably true," he smiled as I looked back at him.

I was about to say something else when the thunder boomed again, louder and longer this time. Cringing, I tensed. Locking my arms around my legs, which were pulled up against my chest, I hid my face by resting my forehead on the tops of my knees.

"Rowyn…? What's wrong?" Azuriah asked, sounding worried again.

"I'm n-" a new bout a thunder rolled and I tensed again, my voice going up an octave. "N-not too fond of thunderstorms," I finished in a rush.

"Er… hey, it's okay," he said and I knew he wasn't sure what to do. He moved to stand in front of me. "It's just a bit of rain. You've got to stand up though, I need to change the blanket on my bed before we can do anything else," looking up I saw he had his hand held out to me.

Hesitantly I began to relax again and took his hand. Just as I was standing up the thunder resumed and, panicking a bit, I rushed forward straight into Azuriah. He stepped back in surprise but I held on like my life depended on it, terrified, clutching the fabric of the front of his shirt in my hands.

"Rowyn, it's alright," he said, putting his arms around me protectively. "If I could make the rain stop I promise I would, but I can't. Why are you so afraid?"

"I don't know… childhood trauma? How should I know?" I said against his chest. I did in fact know, but I didn't really want to talk about it now.

As Azuriah already knows, my mother died when I was only a year or two old. What he doesn't know is that she died on her way to pick Griffin up from pre-K in the middle of a rainstorm. She couldn't see through the sheet of rain and died in a crash a few blocks away from Griffin's school. It was on days like today that my father's abuse was worst.

"We need to do something to get your mind off of the storm, you're trembling. Come on, we'll watch a movie. Have you ever seen Treasure Planet?"

As I shook my head he went back up onto the bed and got his dad's tablet out. He didn't let go of my hand so I ended up just going with him.

Turning the tablet on, he settled back against the pillows, going to Netflix and selecting a movie. I didn't so much watch the movie as I did listen to it, shutting my eyes against the storm. Azuriah ended up having to let go of my hand in favor of putting his arm around my shoulders so I could curl against him when the thunder rolled by, less vulnerable that way.

At one point, eyes shut against the lightning, I couldn't find the energy to open them again. Though I knew that I shouldn't, I fell asleep.

When I opened my eyes again there was light streaming through the heavy grey curtains and I sat up, holding my head in my hands and trying to clear my thoughts. Looking around I saw that Azuriah was sitting at his desk. I don't know how he was able to get up without waking me; normally it would be just short of impossible which worried me a bit.

"What time is it?" I asked sleepily.

"About 7am," he said, turning to face me. "Good morning."

I was about to say something, I wasn't quite sure what but I knew I shouldn't have fallen asleep so it probably would've been something about how I needed to go.

"Look, before you say anything I had my mom call your foster family and they agreed that it wouldn't do you any good to walk home in the pouring rain. I didn't even need to mention the whole thing you have with thunder that I still don't quite understand," he said, interrupting before I could say anything. "It was raining until just a few hours ago so I figured I shouldn't wake you up. You looked exhausted anyway and you were still cold as death."

"…Thank you, I guess," I replied, not knowing what else to say. He nodded in acknowledgement.

I actually did feel better rested than I had in a long time, and for the first time in as long as I can remember I slept through the night, dreamless. I was warmer too but that was no surprise, having been out of the rain for over 12 hours now.

"So… are you hungry? Do you want an apple or something?" he asked politely, turning in his seat so he could look at me properly.

"God, no," I said, my voice serious but my eyes teasing. "I am sick to death of apples but it doesn't require any preparation so it's all I eat. What else have you got?"

"Dunno," he said, thinking for a moment. "Granola bar?" he suggested.

"Sure," I agreed. "Does that mean we're going to have to go downstairs?"

"Yeah, it does," he laughed. "Come on."

I spent the morning with Azuriah and his family but I knew I needed to go home so I left around 8:30am. When I got home I assured Stephen that I was fine and nothing happened. I had remembered to change back into my now dry clothes before I left Azuriah's house so there would be no cause for suspicion.

Sunday was spent up in my room doing homework and reading. I really need to go to the library some time this week; _The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes _was becoming increasingly predictable after seven or eight times through.

Monday morning I left for school before anyone even knew I was awake, even managing to avoid Isabella as she too got ready for school.


	17. Chapter 17

I walked to school and because I had left too soon I was early. The front doors didn't open until 7:45 so I had five, maybe ten minutes of waiting around outside. This was normally a time where people would just wander around and talk to their friends, but I tried to make a habit of getting here just as the doors open so I would be spared the trouble of finding a place away from everybody.

As soon as I arrived Azuriah saw me and came bounding over. He looked like he was about to say something to me but was stopped when Ava came up to us and wound her arm around his waist. Frowning, I began to walk away, but not before I heard the beginning of an argument as Azuriah pushed her away.

"You're not still mad at me, are you?" she asked, sounding irritated.

"Of course I am, Ava! You can't just go around saying the kind of things you say to Rowyn, not to anyone," he told her. His voice was calm but I could hear the carefully concealed anger.

"You know," she said with annoyed frown. "If you'd just listened to me when I told you not to bother trying to be friends with that freak, this wouldn't be a problem."

"Ava-" Azuriah started, but by this time I was out of earshot and they hadn't noticed that I had left. I stayed long enough, though, to see another boy join the argument at Azuriah's side. He had darker, mocha colored skin and a mess of dark curls. He was shorter than Azuriah, but probably taller than me by about half an inch. I had no idea who he was but I was glad he was helping Azuriah.

Making my way to the edge of the crowd, I wandered around for a bit before I found a clear space in the shade of the building. Sitting down against the wall, I crossed my legs and wrote in my journal for a few minutes before I heard footsteps coming my way. They definitely belonged to more than one person.

Glancing up, I saw Jonathan and his friends heading my way, and I quickly put my journal into my backpack, but as luck would have it I wasn't fast enough.

"What've you got there, freak?" Jonathan asked, sauntering up to me.

"Homework," I responded automatically, pulling a different notebook out of my backpack, one that looked strikingly similar to my journal.

Jonathan snatched the notebook out of my hands and flipped through it, only to find a few notes on the French Revolution. This wasn't the first time he had caught me with my journal and he never seemed to notice when I switched it out for this notebook instead. Throwing it back down at me, he frowned.

"Come on, you little sociopath, stand up," he told me with a sneer. I knew it was a bad idea to refuse just for the sake of disobeying him, so I did what he said and stood, keeping several inches between myself and the wall in case I needed room to maneuver away. I then looked up at Jonathan, careful to keep any emotion from showing.

"Where's your boyfriend, then, Copeland?" he asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I'm going to assume you're referring to Azuriah, and he's… otherwise occupied," I responded coolly, mentally cringing at my poor choice of words.

"I see…" he said, glancing back at the two larger boys that stood behind him.

Then, to no one's surprise, he stepped towards me tauntingly. I very obviously stiffened but refused to give him the satisfaction of looking away. When he took yet another step forward and reached his hand towards my face I couldn't help but flinch back. He always does this and I never know why, taunting me physically before hurting me.

As soon as I had flinched away I saw the anger flash across his vision. I barely had time to think that it had definitely been a bad idea, even though it was more of a reflex than an idea, before his hands shot out, each grabbing one of my wrists, and he pulled me towards him.

I struggled against him but he has always been stronger than me. This time, though, I knew better than to give him my full attention and instead looked to the side. His grip on my wrists tightened and I knew there would be bruises, but at the moment I really didn't care.

"Look at me!" he snarled. When I refused to look up, he let go of my left wrist to plunge his hand into my dark hair and pull hard, forcing my head up. "Come on, freak, no need to be so _sensitive_," he hissed. "We left in such a hurry last time that I didn't get a chance to see just how much damage I had done."

After a moment I realized that he meant the last time he was able to get to me before Azuriah cut in, weeks ago at the park, and when he let go of my other wrist to fumble with the edge of my shirt I shoved his hand away and tried to push him back. His anger flared and he grabbed my wrists again, striding forward until he had me against the wall with my hands pinned near my head, and I blinked in surprise. This scene was shockingly similar to the one Azuriah had put me in when he needed to prove a point.

Leaning down towards me, he continued to speak. "You don't seem to understand just how far I'm willing to go, freak," he told me, his lips lingering barely an inch from mine, so naturally I turned my head away.

I never got to find out how far he was willing to go, though, because just at that moment someone called over to us from a few meters away.

"Hey!" someone shouted, sounding angry. As soon as he made himself known, Jonathan dropped my wrists and took several fluid steps back. "I thought you were told to back off of Rowyn."

Jonathan tilted his head a bit as they approached. It was Azuriah and the boy I had seen before.

"We were only having a bit of fun," he said with a sly grin. "You can't protect this sociopath forever, you know," and with that he and the other two strode away, melting back into the crowd within seconds.

Azuriah rushed over to me as soon as hey were gone, fussing over me to make sure I was alright. Before he had decided he was properly finished I brushed his hands away. As this occurred the dark-haired boy shouted after Jonathan.

"You try anything like that again and you'll wake up in a hospital!" he shouted in a clipped accent. Going off of his ethnicity I'd say it was probably Iraqi.

"I'm fine. He didn't do anything before you stopped him," I muttered, looking away and pulling down my sleeves as discreetly as I could, knowing bruises on my wrists would soon start to form from where Jonathan's hands had been.

"I'm glad you're okay, but… did I do something wrong?" he asked, noticing that I seemed more evasive than usual.

"No, no you…" looking up at him now for the first time since he yelled out to us, my resolve shattered. He looked almost scared, as if he'd wanted nothing more than to help me and had disappointed me instead. He thought he was doing the right thing, and he was, but right now he thought the reason I was upset was because of something he had done. I just wished I didn't need his help and could've gotten away myself. Hating seeing my only friend so sad at my expense, I reached out and took his hand in mine in spite of every instinct I have going against it.

"You didn't do anything wrong, I promise. You got Jonathan away from me when I couldn't, thank you," I told him.

"Then what…?"

"Really, I'm fine. I just wish I could've handled it myself. I guess it scares me to know that Jonathan is right, that one of these days you won't be there to protect me and it will be as bad as it had been before I knew you," I paused, my free hand automatically drifting to where the bruise on my stomach had been.

This was followed by a silence that went on for what felt like hours, but it could have only been a few moments before it was broken.

"You could've gotten away if you hadn't waited so long," the Iraqi boy pointed out.

"I… don't think we've met," I said, ignoring his comment.

"Sasha," he introduced himself. He looked like he was going to hold a hand out to me but knew to stop himself. "I'm an old friend of Azuriah's."

"Our parents have been friends for years so I grew up around him," Azuriah explained, knowing that I like to know as much as possible.

"He's actually the one who convinced me to go talk to you the day we met," he said, looking a bit sheepish. "So I guess we've got him to thank for why we're friends."

Walking to math together, I dropped Azuriah's hand as soon as we were through the front doors, knowing that if I hadn't we would get quite a few strange looks and there would be rumors within minutes.

There were several groups of people that stopped talking as soon as I walked into the classroom. Azuriah glared at them like he always does, but I didn't give any sign of response, having had to deal with this sort of thing since grade school.

"Why doesn't it bother you?" Azuriah asked me quietly as he took the seat beside mine, and without any context I knew he was talking about the hushed conversations and sideways glances that seem to follow wherever I go. I shrugged.

"Should it? What's the point of letting it get to me if it happens every day? I'd never get anything done," I explained to him. He crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair, turning his head towards a small group across the room to look at them, eyes shooting daggers. Their conversation quickly died out and they nervously took their seats.

"That doesn't mean I have to like it," he muttered to no one in particular. Azuriah seemed increasingly on edge today, but I brushed it aside figuring it was because since this morning my guard had been back up. I wish I didn't have to keep it up like this, but I don't want to take any risks.

I was about to say something in response when I heard the classroom door open. Glancing up I saw Mr. Collins entering the room. Returning my gaze to Azuriah, I noted that he was leaning his chair further back, a dangerous habit of his that was evidently against the rules. The way I saw it I could do one of two things: I could pretend like I hadn't noticed and let him get in trouble, like I would if it were anyone else, or…

In one fluidly swift movement my arm shot out and I placed my hand carefully on the back of Azuriah's neck. His arms uncrossed in surprise and I pushed forward so the front two legs of his chair hit the ground. The sound of metal against tile turned everyone's attention towards us, but by the time anyone had turned to look I was faced forward getting my notebook ready and Azuriah was staring down at the table top in blatant shock.

Mr. Collins gave us an undoubtedly amused look before continuing to the front of the room to begin the lesson, and the rest of class went on as usual. Azuriah tried to catch my eye a few times but I was determined to keep focused on either the front of the room or my notebook.

As soon as class was dismissed we were out the door. We didn't have history until next period though so we were going in opposite directions. Despite this, Azuriah stopped me just outside the classroom.

"Azuriah, the foreign language rooms are all the way across school, you know I have Latin next," I said, looking pointedly at the hand gripping my forearm that kept me where I stood and trying my best to look annoyed.

"I know, just… for some reason I feel like I should be thanking you. What was that for, anyway?" he asked me, looking a bit lost. I sighed a bit dramatically.

"Mr. Collins was about to come into the room and you were very obviously disregarding one of the long-standing rules. It wouldn't have been good of me to let you get yourself into trouble and if I just pointed it out you probably would've freaked out, fallen backwards, and cracked your head on the table behind you so I just did it myself," I explained, making it sound incredibly simple and obvious, and even I could tell I sounded like a smart-aleck.

"Well in that case, thanks," he said still looking a bit confused, and I just shrugged.

"Seriously though, I'm going to be late," I told him frankly.

"Oh, right," he said, letting go of my arm and starting to back off in the other direction. "See you next hour then!"

I watched for a moment as he took off down the hall before turning the other way.

Latin class passed as it usually did. Ms. Ala Campi gave us a small project like we typically get, a poster of sorts, and as per usual I had finished within ten minutes. For a while I wrote in my journal, but once I ran out of things to write I put the undersized notebook back in my pocket and read for the rest of class.

When we were dismissed I made my way out the door, but just before I was out of the classroom someone ran into me, almost intentionally. I leapt back out of their way and turned back to see Ava cast a mischievous smirk in my direction.

_That was weird… _I thought, shaking my head and making my way once more out of the classroom. On my way out Sasha passed me.

"Don't worry about her," he said, which was a bit out of the blue. "She does things like that all the time; she doesn't like you because Azuriah spends more time with you than he does with her."

I should really pay more attention to the people in my classes; it's more than likely that Sasha is in several of them.

The history classroom was right by my locker, as well as the Math classroom, so I was normally there before Azuriah. Once he did arrive, instead of sitting in the chair that sat in front of his desk he levered himself up to sit on the desk's surface, using the chair as a makeshift footstool.

"So what's new then?" he asked, trying for casual small talk.

"Not much," I said with a shrug. "I ran into Ava on my way out of Latin."

"Ava? What did she say?" he asked, ever the one to jump to conclusions.

"Nothing," I said, shaking my head. "I mean I _literally_ ran into her. Well… she ran into me. She gave me a weird look when she was turning the corner. I can't help but feel like she's up to something," I said, thinking out loud.

"Huh… but when you think about it, when isn't she up to something? So that doesn't qualify as 'new,'" he replied, diligently returning us to his original question. After thinking for a moment I remembered something he didn't know.

"My birthday is next week, does that count as 'new'?" I asked.

"I'd say it does. Why didn't I know it was your birthday? How old are you turning? I just turned sixteen a few months ago, about a week before I met you, actually," he responded, asking multiple questions at once.

"I guess I forgot," I said with a shrug, ignoring his rambling and returning to his initial questions. "I don't think I've celebrated my birthday since Griffin managed to sneak me to the park when I was six and gave me this," I said, pulling on the chain that was always hidden by my collar. On the end of it there was the dark blue crescent moon pendant. "He told me it was our mother's."

Azuriah looked at me for a minute then nodded. "And that was…?" he prompted, and I remembered he asked how old I was turning.

"Nine years ago, I'm turning fifteen," I told him, turning so I wouldn't see his palpably shocked expression.

"No way, you're only fifteen? Did you skip a grade or something? You're young enough to be a freshman!" as we were both sophomores, he was right to be surprised. Even so, I concentrated purposefully on my history supplies.

"Yeah, I am. I skipped eighth grade and came straight here after just one year of middle school."

"That must've been pretty hard to get used to, I –" his sentence was cut off when I pulled him down off the desk into his chair where, for the second time this morning, he nearly fell over. Steadying himself, he turned to me with a very distinctive _"what the hell was that about?" _look just as the door opened and our history teacher, Mr. Bergstrom, walked in.

Raising an eyebrow with a small grin tugging at the corners of my mouth, he rolled his eyes.

"You don't have to be so smug about it," he whispered with a faint smile.

"Yes I do," I responded with an affectionate undertone just obvious enough for him to catch before turning back to the front of the room.

About halfway through class I had finished the work assigned to us and slipped my hand into my pocket, but my journal wasn't there. I stopped and shuffled my notebooks and papers around looking for it before sitting back with my textbook open trying to relax and look like I'm studying, knowing it would be bad to cause a scene in the middle of class. Though my text book was open I wasn't paying attention to anything on the page or anything the teacher was saying.

After a few minutes Azuriah nudged me worriedly.

"Hey," he muttered, "second war for independence, what year?"

"1812," I said distractedly, assuming the teacher had asked me a question and I hadn't been paying attention. "The second war for independence was also called The War of 1812."

Mr. Bergstrom gave me a strange look before nodding, telling me that was right and turning back to continue the lesson. This wasn't like me; I needed to focus before anything happened.

Looking at me, Azuriah mouthed silently "what's wrong?" to which I mouthed back "later."

Luckily I wasn't asked to answer any more questions and the rest of class was spent with me zoning out so I wouldn't cause a scene. As soon as we were dismissed Azuriah curled his arm around mine and led me out of the classroom where we stopped around the corner in an empty corridor. It was our lunch hour so we didn't have to be anywhere in a hurry.

"Rowyn I can tell you're trying not to freak out here, what's wrong?" he asked, letting me go.

"My… my journal is gone," I replied, not wasting any words on details.

"What to you mean it's gone?"

"What do you think I mean?" I said with what would've been sarcasm if I wasn't so focused on keeping my voice neutral. "I checked my pocket about halfway through history and it wasn't there."

"I know what 'gone' means, Rowyn; I meant to ask where could it have gone?"

"I have no clue," I said, slumping against the wall. "It's not like it could've fallen out of my pocket," Azuriah looked like he was about to contradict me so I added, "Trust me, I would have noticed."

He paused for a second before nodding.

"Alright, then where?" he said.

Crossing my arms I looked down, trying to think. Then I remembered something and my head shot up to look at Azuriah.

"Ava," I said simply.

"What about her?"

"She intentionally ran into me after Latin, she could have easily taken it out of my pocket. I just don't know why she'd want it, it's not like she knows what it-" I stopped as I remembered that not long before class ended I had been writing in my journal, and it obviously wasn't homework.

"She saw me writing in it," I continued, running my hand through my hair nervously.

"Hey, don't worry we'll get it back. I mean really, what's the worst that could happen?" Azuriah told me, trying to reassure me.

"I don't think you understand. If she reads that…" I shook my head. "Every time something is distracting me or clouding my thoughts I write it down. Once it's written down I can concentrate again, everything I have ever felt since the second grade is written in that journal, we have to get it back _now_, before she gets the time to read it," normally one would think the notebook would have gotten filled up by now, but it's surprisingly thick and before this year I didn't have much to write about, I had only written in it once every three or four weeks, if that.

Azuriah blinked, eyes widening slightly.

"R… right, okay, come on then!" he grabbed my hand and pulled me down the hall as he ran before my mind caught up with his actions and I was running too. He let go of my hand and we slowed only when we reached the cafeteria.

Once we were through the doors I saw right away that I wouldn't be much help, but Azuriah's height was to our advantage. He stood on his toes and scanned the entire cafeteria until he found Ava. She was sitting next to and arguing with Sasha.

"This way," he said, tugging my arm as I tried to avoid the crowds of students.

Once we came to the table she was at Azuriah stepped forward, half in front of me, and crossed his arms.

"Ava, give it back," he said, not wasting time with an explanation.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," she told him brusquely.

"My notebook, give it back. You're the only one who could have taken it," I said, stepping forward a bit so I stood close to Azuriah, but so he still stood slightly in front of me, his right shoulder blocking my left almost protectively.

"Come on, freak, why would I have taken your notebook?" she said, turning her attention towards me, "Why would I ever want to know what goes on in the life of a sociopath like you?"

"He isn't a sociopath, Ava! Why do you even think that?" Azuriah snapped at her.

"Look at him, Az. He doesn't feel anything!"

I was always careful to keep my expression and voice calm because I knew it would only encourage them further if they knew how much they actually bothered me. When Azuriah looked down at me, though, I looked away. I knew if he started to believe her I wouldn't be able to do much to keep control so I just ducked my head down and, almost involuntarily, my arms lifted to curl around Azuriah's right arm. Still standing half in front of me, I risked a glance up at him and saw he had looked back up at Ava.

"We know you have it Ava, just give it back! You have no right to treat him like this, you don't know anything about him!" he fumed, eyes blazing with anger.

Ava paused for a moment before shooting us a devilish grin.

"We both know that's not quite true, though. I know lots about him and I'll know more by the end of the day," she said, then turned to me. "How's your brother, by the way? Still taking beatings for you? Your penmanship is positively dreadful," she said with a smirk. I flinched and my grip on Azuriah's arm tightened, but this did tell me something. She hadn't gotten past the first few pages. Even so, I stared pointedly down at the ground.

"Eight years," I muttered, barely able to keep my voice from shaking.

"Sorry?" she asked, either not hearing me or not understanding.

"That was eight years ago, I wrote that when I was seven, just a few weeks before…" I trailed off there, not wanting to continue this train of thought.

"Before what?" she prompted, her curiosity peaked.

"Spoilers," I muttered, my voice cracking slightly and I still wouldn't look up.

"Ava, just give it back already, nothing in there is any of your concern," Sasha snapped, and I could tell he was trying hard to keep from actually shouting.

"Sorry, I don't have it anymore. You'll have it back the next class we all have together, okay? Cross my heart," she said, trailing her finger over her chest in the shape of an X.

The next class we all have together is study hall, and that was at the end of the day. Given the length of the entries she could easily finish reading the entire journal by then. She didn't have it with her though and we had classes soon.

"Azuriah there's nothing we can do… can we please just go?" I asked him quietly.

For a moment he looked at me like he was going to refuse, but something in my expression must have changed his mind and he reluctantly nodded.

"Fine, let's go," he said and I dropped his arm as we turned to leave. Ava shouted something after us but the sound was lost in the crowd.

When we turned to find an empty table, Sasha stood up and came with us. Azuriah knew me well enough to not talk about what had just happened or what might happen because he knew I was already imagining the worst. Instead he decided to talk to Sasha, both of them sitting on one side of the table, and I across.

I heard them talking but I wasn't listening, and only looked up when I heard them arguing good-naturedly, each trying to talk over the other.

"You're ridiculous," Sasha finally said. Instead of continuing the argument Azuriah looked down with an almost timid smile.

"What?" Sasha asked, but it looked to me like he already knew.

"You know what," Azuriah confirmed. "I've told you before."

"I do not," Sasha protested, making it obvious that he did in fact know why Azuriah had stopped arguing and was only saying he didn't because he wanted Azuriah to say it.

"I don't know what," I interrupted quietly. I would have thought Azuriah hadn't heard me if it wasn't for the fact that he explained immediately after I had said it.

"You roll your R's," he explained hesitantly.

"Well excuse me for having an accent," he interrupted teasingly, grinning.

"Shut up! You know I don't mean that it's a bad thing, it's actually really cute," Azuriah said, pushing him.

"Hey!" Sasha shouted with feigned anger. "Violence won't solve anything," he teased. "Besides, you love me too much to hurt me for real."

"Yeah? Try me!" Azuriah laughed. Sasha ducked away before Azuriah could get at him again. He too was laughing and I found myself smiling at their easy banter, forgetting for a moment what was happening elsewhere.

On our way out of the cafeteria we were unsurprisingly stopped by Jonathan. Oddly enough he was alone this time. It was strange seeing him without at least two of his friends backing him up.

"Watch it…" I warned Azuriah and Sasha under my breath and they stopped arguing when they looked up and saw Jonathan.

"Leave us alone, Jonathan. You've caused enough damage already," Azuriah told him. He didn't sound angry, he sounded like he was sick of dealing with him. But then, which of us wasn't?

"Only to him," he said, jerking his head towards me. "I'm done with him."

"Excuse me?" I asked, baffled.

"Oh, only for now, Copeland, and only because I have something special planned for you for later. Don't worry, you're not rid of me yet," he said with an arrogant smirk.

"Glad to hear it," I remarked sarcastically. "If not me, then who?"

"Well that's simple," he responded. "The Indian one is no fun to poke fun at because he doesn't care," Jonathan was about to go on when Sasha interrupted.

"Iraqi," he said quietly.

"What?" Jonathan frowned, irritated at having been interrupted.

"Iraqi, not Indian," Sasha corrected.

"Whatever, it's basically the same thing anyway," he responded.

"Shows what you know, moron," Sasha said with a smile, eyes sparkling with amusement.

"You see, that's exactly what I mean. Normally people would be offended by that but you just smile like it's all a big joke. No, I wouldn't waste my time on you."

"Alright, so that only leaves me," Azuriah cut in. "What do you want?"

"There are just some things I think you should know," he said with an egotistical leer.

"Whatever, man, just hurry it along, when I spend to much time talking to you I get a headache," he frowned, completely serious, while I tried to conceal a smile. Jonathan frowned as well and cut to the chase.

"You realize they don't actually like you, right? The only reason they keep you around is because you can beat the crap out of anyone who threatens them," he tilted his head as if it were obvious and Sasha nearly rushed him, confident smirk disappearing, but Azuriah held him back.

"I want to see where he's going with this," I heard him whispers to Sasha, who grumbled to himself indignantly, but crossed his arms and stood still again.

"The only reason you can even do that is because you live in such a shady neighborhood," Jonathan continued. "I'd be willing to bet that, living where you do, your dad has to deal to kids or something to be able to have enough money for your big family."

Azuriah was still calm as ever, Sasha was fuming but standing still, and surprisingly it was I who snapped next. Stepping forward I pushed him against the wall and pinned him by pressing my forearm against his neck, not hard enough to hurt him but enough that he had to stop talking.

"Okay, your turn to listen," I said, my voice dripping with vehemence and dangerously low. I ignored his bewildered expression. "The way I see it you had two choices today. You could've grown up and quit being such a jerk to everybody for once or you could come over her and continue to be a waste of space on this planet. Obviously you chose the latter which has led me to having to warn you now. I've had to deal with you for _years_ and I never really cared, for reasons you don't need to know, but if you start to go after Azuriah, _I will end you. _Understand?" he managed to nod and I let him go.

I heard Sasha talking to Azuriah behind me.

"I hate to admit it, Az, but you have fantastic choice in friends. First me now Rowyn… he is _way_ more badass than he looks."

Jonathan strode away, glaring at us as he left. All that was left to do now was to wait for what was to come.


	18. Chapter 18

The remainder of my afternoon classes was spent with me going through the regular motions automatically. To put it simply, I was on autopilot. While, physically, I did exactly what was expected of me, I was too distracted to get anything done. By the time the last class of the day came around, I had gone through every worst-case scenario in my head at least seven times.

Mrs. Picard ignored my unusual behavior but I feel like I may have gotten on the nerves of at least three of my teachers. Miss Reece threw an eraser at me (which I caught) to get my attention during Science, and Mr. Blake looked like he wanted to strangle me he got so frustrated at my lack of focus during Home Ec. In choir, Ms. Christiansen only looked concerned that I was misplaying so many keys on the piano.

In study hall I put my books down on the table in the back of the room and soon Azuriah joined me. Sasha and Ava, quarrelling like they always are, came in after a few other students I didn't bother to know.

I suppose I had noticed before that they, as well as Jonathan, were all in this class too. It never really processed as important information so it was as if I was just now noticing it for the first time.

When Jonathan walked in, Sasha flipped him off and Azuriah hit Sasha. Jonathan was frowning but Sasha was grinning like he always is.

After Mr. Jefferson came in and shut the door loudly the room fell silent and everybody got to work. After about ten minutes of counterproductive stalling on my part, the phone rang at the front of the classroom and I looked up. Mr. Jefferson talked with the person on the other end of the call in a hushed tone before hanging up.

"I'm needed down in the office, I won't be gone more than ten minutes. Try not to set the classroom on fire," he told us as he left the room. As soon as the door was shut, people began to talk quietly. I tensed, though, knowing it was a perfect opportunity for someone like Ava or Jonathan to do something drastic.

Just as I thought, after only a few minutes Jonathan ambled up to the front of the classroom. Looking around, he waited patiently for everyone to quiet down. It was a small class so he didn't have to wait long.

"Right, if I could have everybody's attention for a moment, there's something I would like to share with you all," when no one said anything he continued, almost formally.

"As you all know, there is one person in this room who never seems to feel anything," I rolled my eyes. If he was going to use the same insults he's been using since grade school he might as well just sit down. "You all know who I'm talking about, but we seem to have been wrong."

I furrowed my brow, confused, and sat forward. Shuffling some of his notebooks and papers around, Jonathan pulled out a notebook and held it up. It was small and bound in black leather.

"He does feel things, more than we could have ever imagined, but most of the time they're twisted and misdirected. I hold in my hand the journal of one Rowyn Copeland."

My blood turned to ice in my veins and I could feel the color drain from my face. I stood up and nearly everyone turned to look at me.

"Give that to me," my voice was steady but my hands were trembling.

"No… I don't think so," he said with a self-confident smile.

"This isn't funny, Jonathan! You've no right to that book or anything in it!" I snapped in the beginnings of panic. Slowly, Azuriah stood up beside me. He didn't say anything but I knew I had his support if I needed it.

"Fine, fine, you're right. Just one thing, though, before I give it back," I frowned, not responding.

"Does he know?" Jonathan finished. My eyes widened as I saw where this was heading and all of my muscles tensed.

"Don't," I warned. My voice was still calm but I knew I must've looked scared.

"Or what?" he sneered.

"Please, Jonathan," I begged. In response, he laughed.

"Not so fast, Copeland, all the nice people here might think that I'm lying and you really are a sociopath. They need to be convinced," with that, he began to flip through the pages.

"Boring," he muttered to himself, scanning forward. "Family, family, family, me, family, lack of aforementioned family, me among others… ah, here we are," he stopped and began to read.

"'I've never been this close to anyone before, and it's a strange thing to have to get used to. If it had to be anyone, though, I'm glad it's someone like Azuriah,'"an earlier entry. To my dismay he flipped a few pages forward and kept going.

"'I don't know how to deal with something I've had such little experience with,'" stopping to read forward, the rest of the room was silent as everyone waited for Jonathan to continue.

"_'I think I'm in love with him.'_"

I curled my hands into fists to stop their shaking and turned to Azuriah, needing to act fast.

"Azuriah, I-" I stopped. I wanted to keep going, to explain myself, but the words got lost somewhere along the way when I took in the expression on his face. He didn't look angry or disgusted. He looked surprised, and he looked so confused. He looked like he was trying to convince himself that it wasn't real, that nothing had just happened. God, I wish nothing had.

He wasn't looking at me, frozen in place. When Azuriah finally seemed able to move again, he turned just in time to see me before I ran out. For once, my expression showed all of my emotions, and I hated it. The pain, the fear, the devastation, the silent apology all plain as day as the wall that I had fought for so long to keep up came crashing down.

After I ran out of the classroom I lost track of where I was going. I wasn't paying attention, and was surprised when I found myself back at my current home. It's a good 20 minutes away from the school and I didn't think I had walked for that long.

Clara and Stephen were both at work and Isabella still had school so I just ran up the steps and into my room, locking the door behind me.

I lay on my bed, hidden beneath my blanket, for what seems an immeasurable amount of time. The next morning Stephen came pounding on my bedroom door, saying I'd be late for school. The door was locked so he knew I was inside, but I didn't respond. Leaving for work, as he always does, he gave up on getting me to come out. I only went out when everyone had left and even then only when I needed to.

It was the same the morning after that, but Wednesday evening he came back upstairs and instead of "You'll have to come out of there eventually," it was "There's someone here who wants to talk to you."

One set of footsteps retreated down the steps but a shadow still lingered beyond the door.

"If you don't let me in I'm just going to sit here until you do, which would be an astronomical waste of time," said a clipped but persuasively silvery voice. I had expected it to be Azuriah.

Sighing, I got up to unlock the door. By the time Sasha let himself in I was sitting back down on the edge of my bed, looking over at him.

"What do you want?" I asked unceremoniously.

"You disappeared for two days, what do you think I want? Azuriah's beside himself," he answered, crossing his arms.

"You can't make me go back," I said, ignoring the comment about Azuriah.

"I know you're scared because everyone knows now but I can tell there's more to it than that. Is it Azuriah?"

I shrugged.

"It's not a big deal," I lied. "I can't do anything to change the fact that he'll never return my… feelings," I felt strange using that word. I've never had to use it in regards to myself before. "He's straight, anyway, so it doesn't even matter."

Sasha laughed, uncrossing his arms, and I glared at him.

"I don't see what's so funny."

"Nothing, nothing," he said, still laughing. "Just that Azuriah's about at straight as a rainbow slinky."

"Hold on," I said, frowning. Sasha was still laughing. "How do you know?"

"You mean other than the fact that I've known him for forever? He had a thing for me a few years back," he was struggling to stifle the remainder of his laughter, and when I opened my mouth to reply he cut me off.

"Before you ask, no it didn't go anywhere. Neither of us could take it seriously. Besides, even if he isn't, I'm straight. He actually met Ava when we were dating."

"You and… Ava. Really," I'm not sure how this turned into a conversation about his love life but hey, as long as we're off topic, right?

"Yeah, I made some weird decisions. Sort of explains why we argue like an old married couple, though," he mused to himself. "Anyway, that's not the point."

"Alright, fine. Say I do believe you. That doesn't change the fact that he probably hates me right now."

Sasha was quiet for a long moment but he was concealing a smile like he always is.

"There's no point arguing with you so I'll just say this," he finally answered. "You don't have to talk to him; you don't even have to look at him. Go to school tomorrow and see what happens."

Sighing, I ran a hand through my tousled hair restlessly.

"If I agree will you leave me alone?" I asked finally.

"Yes and I'm assuming that's you agreeing. By the way," he pulled his backpack off and took out a small stack of papers. "I brought your homework."

"Thanks," I muttered sarcastically, taking the stack from him as he left.

"See you tomorrow!" he called, traipsing back down the stairs.

Shaking my head I stood up. Spreading the papers Sasha had given me over my desk, I set to work.


	19. Chapter 19

Walking to school, the sky was overcast and dark. There was little wind but the trees trembled nonetheless. I left at just the right time so that when I arrived it was time for school to start and everyone to go inside.

Having had nothing better to do the previous night, the homework that had piled up for three days was finished. None of my classes had assigned seats (even though the teacher would move us if we sat somewhere where we wouldn't be paying attention) so, as a spur-of-the-moment decision, I took the one empty seat across the room from where Azuriah and I normally sat, and where he was currently sitting, in math class.

Mr. Collins looked up when I sat down and he looked concerned. I've been missing from school for three days and now I've moved across the room without any obvious reason, from his point of view, so I can't really blame him.

Strangely, class went on as it usually did. The only thing strange about it was the empty feeling I got whenever I looked beside me.

I had brought my textbook for Latin class to math with me so I wouldn't have to stop at my locker which is just outside Mr. Collins' classroom, making it easier to avoid people. Well, I say "people." Making it easier to avoid Azuriah

Throughout my next few classes I was somehow able to avoid him, but just barely. I made my way past the cafeteria to the library during lunch, not wanting anything to eat. As I walked, I kept my head down, and only looked up when someone called out to me from the other end of the hall.

"Rowyn!" Azuriah was coming towards me and I turned down an empty corridor. It wasn't _exactly_ avoiding him since I was heading that way anyway.

Quick footsteps followed me but I refused to look back, I refused to look up. I kept walking.

"Damn it, Rowyn, look at me!" now caught up to me I was forced to stop and turn around by a hand on my shoulder. Jumping back so his hand fell away, my books fell to the floor. Still I wouldn't look up.

"What do you want?" I asked coldly. Treating him like everyone else was almost unbearable but I had to do it, so I steeled myself against the tearing in my chest and forced any emotion from my expression and my voice.

"I want you to talk to me," he answered pleadingly.

"Why?" I scoffed. "So you can undermine me like everyone else? I know how I think of you is wrong, you don't have to pretend."

"I wouldn't pretend around you!" he snapped again frenetically. "I've never had to!"

"Well maybe you have to now. You've protected me long enough, Azuriah, it's time to let go. I know you would nev-mmph!" my words were muffled when he shoved me against the wall kissed me hard. It was desperate and it was frantic and it was infinitely better than I could've imagined. His tongue flicked against my lower lip, requesting entrance that was immediately granted. For a few long moments I was lost, my mind a complete blank. Then I regained my senses.

Shutting my eyes tight, I pushed him back and ducked away from him, taking a defensive stance a few paces down the hall and clenching my fists at my side, still breathing hard.

"Just stop it! I've been through enough to know that no one will ever love me, so quit jerking me around, it isn't funny!"

Azuriah's eyes widened, taken aback at my outburst. Cautiously, he came over to me. I tensed but didn't back away. He raised a hand to my face and ran his thumb over my cheek, wiping away the tears that I hadn't noticed were streaming down my face.

"I promised," was all that he said.

"I don't…" I started shakily, trying to tell him I didn't understand when he interrupted me quietly.

"When you yelled at me when I had your journal, you told me you were broken beyond repair. I promised you that I would never stop trying. I wouldn't toy with you, Rowyn, and I could never hurt you."

Azuriah moved his hand to the back of my neck and kissed me again, this time softer and more hesitant. After taking a moment to gather myself when my thoughts seemed to stutter, I laced my fingers together behind his neck and pulled him down towards me, kissing him back.

_I believe you._

After a few long, breathless moments Azuriah pulled back. I opened my eyes to look up at him and saw he was frowning.

"What?" I asked, tilting my head. I didn't know what could possibly be wrong but I could feel myself smiling all the same.

"You're thinner than you were when I saw you last," he said, stepping back to look at me properly.

I sighed.

"Not this again. I'm fine, Azuriah."

"When was the last time you ate?" he prompted.

"I don't know," I answered with a passive shrug.

"How many days?" he pressed.

"I lost count," I clarified bluntly. Thinking back on it I revised my answer. "Sunday, I think."

"Rowyn you have to eat something, you look like you're about to pass out."

"I'll eat when I get home. Class starts in five minutes, there isn't time."

"Have we really been out here that long?" he asked disbelievingly.

"Time flies, huh?" I picked up my books, still smiling faintly. "We should get going."

Azuriah stopped to look at me curiously when I took his hand in mine.

"What now?"

"Er, nothing," he said sheepishly. "Just, normally you would never hold my hand during school. I'm wondering what changed."

"I'm not sure anything has…" I said thoughtfully. "I mean, I think I've always loved you."

Smiling, he interlaced his fingers with mine.

"I love you too."

"Well there you go. Come on, we're going to be late."

Walking down the halls we got quite a few stares and whispers as we passed, I kept my head down and we were able to ignore them. Stopping at my locker to get my books for English I looked up to see someone had written on the door.

Written in what looked to be Sharpie, the space of my locker door was dominated by large letters written across it.

_FAGGOT_

Looking away, I held Azuriah's hand tighter.

"…I'm sorry," he apologized.

"It isn't your fault," I reassured him quietly.

"Still," he insisted. "I wish this had happened to me instead of you. You already have enough to deal with."

"Everyone knows you," I explained. "And everyone loves you. No one here knows me, not really… they just know that I'm different."

I must've looked exceptionally disappointed in the human race because Azuriah put his arm around me and pressed his lips to my temple.

"Hey, chin up, alright? It'll get better from here on out, and besides… whoever did this will be caught when a teacher sees it and checks the security footage."

I nodded and, ignoring the crude inscription, opened my locker to get the books I would need for my next few classes. I didn't have any more classes with Azuriah until study hall, though I did see Sasha in science. I really should be keeping track of who's in which of my classes.

"Thank you," I told Sasha, stopping him after class.

"What for?"

"For convincing me to come back," I clarified.

"So it was worth it, then?" he asked, smiling like he always is. As I nodded in agreement I saw his eyes glimmer with mischief.

"Has he kissed you yet?" the question was obviously unexpected and I felt heat rush to my face. Looking away quickly, I let my hair fall over my eyes.

"Azuriah is right," I heard Sasha say. "You're cute when you blush."

"A-anyway," I said, clearing my throat and changing the subject. "I have to get to class."

"I'll take that as a yes," he said, grinning manically before taking off down the hall to whatever class he had next.

Shaking my head disbelievingly, I brushed my hair out of my eyes as I walked down the hall.

The rest of my classes went on as they usually did, more or less. Everyone seemed to ignore me more than usual which, in itself, was an accomplishment. During study hall, even though I was sitting by Azuriah, we needed to be quiet. Instead of talking to me he threw notes on my homework while I was trying to work in an attempt to get my attention. Smiling, I passed them back each time without response. I always have been the responsible one and something tells me I always will be.

After class, as soon as we were out of the classroom, he put his arm around my shoulders. I took his hand in both of mine to draw him closer and looked up at him.

"Is this why it's always bothered you so much that you couldn't get close to me without bothering me?" I asked curiously.

"Pretty much," he smiled and brushed my hair back with his free hand. Once we were outside we were going in separate directions. After walking for a little while, I looked back at the same time he did. Beaming happily, he waved goodbye. Waving back timidly I turned back around, smiling to myself at his lighthearted gesture.

Turning the corner to pass through the back of the school, thus cutting a good ten minutes from my walk home, I was greeted by a smug-looking Jonathan. Remembering what Sasha told me the last time Jonathan tried to corner me I immediately ducked out of his way. As luck would have it, though, I was surrounded by two of his other friends. I was trapped.

"What do you want, Jonathan?" I asked, turning back around to face him.

"It seems my initial plan has backfired," he started, ignoring my question.

"That doesn't answer my question," I interrupted.

"You don't seem to realize the gravity of your situation right now," he said. "I know things even he doesn't know, I know every _twisted _thought that has ever gone through your head. I could do anything I wanted where you're concerned and you wouldn't be able to do anything because now I have leverage."

"True, but I'm fairly confident in the fact that blackmail is illegal," I replied impassively. "But then again, who would convict you? Rich little daddy's boy, your father would just strike a deal with the judge."

I've never stood up for myself like this before, but in my opinion it was long overdue. It was a low blow and, regrettably, Jonathan took it badly. Shoving me against the wall of the school he pressed his forearm against my neck to keep my pinned.

"Don't push me, Copeland," he hissed through gritted teeth. "I know everything about you; I know what makes you tick. I know how to get to you, and I know where you're most…" plunging his hand into my dark hair, he pulled hard and I tensed, having to fight to stay standing. "…sensitive."

Trying to push him back with one hand, I struck out at him with the other.

"Get off!" I shouted at him. I must've caught him off guard because my blow landed and he jerked back.

Wiping blood from the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand, Jonathan advanced on me again.

"You're going to pay for that, freak! You're going to regret ever being born!"

Grabbing the scruff of my shirt he forced me away from the others and threw me to the ground. I tried to turn in the air so as to not land headfirst but only managed to turn around rather than upright. There was a loud crack and a sharp pain in the back of my head as I landed hard, then everything went black.


	20. Chapter 20

When I woke up I struggled to keep my eyes open against the harsh lighting of an unfamiliar room. When I sat up, my head spun. With a sharp intake of breath I sat back again as gently as I could. My head was killing me.

"So you're awake," said a curious voice from a bed next to mine. Looking around, I realized I was in a hospital.

"Yeah… what happened?" I asked, carefully turning my head so I could look at who had spoken. She had thick, dark copper hair and wore a Pierce the Veil tour shirt with grey jeans. There was a dark purple streak near the edge of her long side-bangs that nearly covered her turquoise-blue eyes. I don't think I've ever seen her before, but I might have… I don't know.

"From what I hear someone threw you against the sidewalk and your head got pretty messed up. I don't know much of what actually happened, though," she told me.

"Right… so, if that's the case, why am I here instead of the recovery wing?" I'm pretty sure this wasn't what a recovery ward looked like, and we were the only two in the room.

"You're on suicide watch," she explained quickly.

"Suicide watch…? Why?" I asked, confused. I didn't mean to interrogate her, she only looked to be about 15, but I needed to know what was going on.

"Apparently when you got here it wasn't just your head that was messed up. Among other things, you were severely malnourished. Again, I'm not really the one to ask."

I noticed now that she didn't look at me when she spoke. She looked down at the sheets or the ground or over at the wall, wherever was convenient, but even then her eyes never really focused on anything. I quickly ascertained that she was blind.

"So why are you here?" I asked her inquisitively.

"I swallowed a handful of my dad's rehab pills, ironically. I didn't know what they were; I just knew that they were pills."

I didn't think it was my place to ask why, since I've only just met her, so I asked her something else instead.

"One last thing, if it isn't too much trouble. Should I… should I know you?"

"Probably not… I go to St. Mary's. It's the only private school in the district, it's the Catholic school. My name is Calliope Abberline, my father is an addict and my mother left us when I was four. Now you know the beginning of my story, what's yours?"

Taken aback by such a boldly direct approach, I had to think on her question for a few moments before I could be sure of my answer.

"I'm not sure," I said, drawing a blank. Calliope was quiet for a long while before responding.

"It wouldn't be smart of me to handle this on my own. I was told to tell them when you woke up, is it alright if I call the nurse now? I think there's someone who's been waiting to see you," she was right, of course, and I nodded my agreement.

"Yeah, it's fine."

Hitting a button, there was a quiet buzz while waiting for whoever was going to show up, I repeated her name quietly.

"Calliope Abberline… sounds very-"

"English? Yeah, I know. Lived in Great Britain for a while, actually, but moved here when I was six," before I could find out anything else, four people entered the room.

One was the doctor, obviously, and one was the nurse. One was a man with dark brown hair, looking worried but calm. The other was a teenage boy looking to be around my age with hair so blond it was nearly white, like someone took what blond hair normally looks like and ran it through with white ash. He in particular looked completely disheveled and anxious.

The doctor went to the computer, the nurse to my charts, and the blond boy hurried over to me and seemed to assess my condition. He didn't say anything for a few seconds and after he was satisfied that I wasn't, in fact, dying, he went over to stand by the nurse who had my charts and read them over her shoulder.

"Do you know what any of that means?" I asked him curiously.

"Haven't a clue," he replied, turning away from the charts and graphs to smile at me.

"Then why are you so intent on reading them if you don't know what they are?"

"Well, I don't know what it would look like if it was all good, per se, but I figure if something is wrong it would be at least a bit obvious," he explained, and I guess it made sense. If it was something really obscure the doctors might miss it as well.

"Anyway," he moved back over by my bed and perched himself on the edge of the chair that was beside it, looking tense. "How are you feeling?"

"Alright, I suppose," I answered. "My head hurts a bit, but that's probably to be expected. What happened?"

"Jonathan happened. Apparently he threw you to the ground then just ran off. One of the other guys that was there called an ambulance. Do you not remember?"

I shook my head before remembering I probably shouldn't, winced, and sat still again. He seemed to get the gist of it, though.

"Well, what do you remember?" he asked, trying to be helpful.

"Um… well I remember a lot of things. I know how to do long division in my head, I remember the years of all of the major American wars, I remember the most famous works of Shakespeare and what they're about, I remember how to create a new word and have it be accurate using Latin, I can recite the entirety of _The Raven_ but… when I try to remember anything personal there's nothing there."

"Nothing…?" he furrowed his brow, looking even more concerned, if possible. "Do you remember who you are? Your name?"

I turned my head to look at Calliope and she mouthed "Rowan" at me. When I turned back to answer the blond boy he stopped me.

"That's cheating. Do you… do you remember who I am?"

Sitting up slowly, I shook my head. The sharp pain had reverted to more of a dull ache and I held my head in my hands. A curtain of unfamiliar dark hair fell over my hands and I felt a thick cloth bandage wrapped around my head. I sat back but didn't lie back down and dropped my hands to my lap.

Looking over to Calliope again, she answered my unasked question.

"Azuriah," she said quietly, putting it simply. I'm not sure how she knew I was looking at her for help but I still appreciated it.

"Asking Calliope is still cheating, Rowyn," he told me. Turning back to face him I saw that he looked a lot more tired than he looked when he came in. He and Calliope must have spoken before, while I was unconscious.

The man with the dark brown hair stood leaning against the wall with his arms crossed the entire time, looking down at the ground and waiting for Azuriah to be finished talking to me.

"What about you?" I asked, looking over at him. "The three of us look too different to be family, so I'm assuming I go to school with Azuriah, but who are you? Also, why isn't anyone in my family here?"

"When your foster family came to fill out the papers the just left right afterwards, so without anyone else to look after you the hospital called Azuriah and me since we're the only other contacts on your phone. Azuriah does go to school with you, you're best friends, and my wife and I took care of you before we had to move away. I'm sorry, Rowyn, but you don't have any family left that we know of. If you do need anything, though, I'd be more than happy to help you. Usually, you just call me Mark," he did the best he could to explain everything in one go so I wouldn't have any questions, something I would find out that he tended to do a lot.

I didn't, in fact, have any more questions on the matter, and was saved from having to reply when I heard Azuriah asking the doctor about my apparent memory loss.

"It's a fairly common side effect of head trauma, but it's usually temporary," he said.

"Usually…?" Azuriah repeated worriedly.

"Yes, usually. Normally when a memory returns to whoever has lost it, it's because something triggered it," he explained in a kind yet gravelly voice. Before he could continue, Azuriah's eyes lit up and he dug around in his pockets until he found what he was looking for.

"I have this," he said triumphantly, holding up a small black notebook.

"What is it…?" I asked with mild curiosity.

"Er… actually this is your journal. I haven't read any of it, you told me not to, but I know some of what's in it," he said vaguely before turning back to the doctor.

"As far as I know, this has everything important enough to record since he was about seven," Azuriah finished. He looked hopeful, but the doctor was hesitant.

"My only concern with that is that… it could be dangerous if all of his memories came back at once. He could go into a permanent state of shock," he explained and then turned to look back at me.

"If you want to give it a shot, though, it's up to you."

I thought about it for a moment, but decided against it.

"I think I would rather them come back on their own, I'd rather not risk it," I said, ducking my head apologetically. "I'm sorry; I know you must be anxious."

"Don't be sorry," Azuriah said understandingly. "It's probably best that way anyway."

"How long until Rowyn is allowed to leave?" Mark asked the doctor, interrupting Azuriah and I. He had been so quiet I almost forgot he was there.

Physically, he's recovering nicely. Normally I'd be able to sign his release forms by tomorrow, but he is still under watch as a suicide threat," he answered. He was about to continue when I interrupted.

"Still here guys," even without knowing anything about myself, no one is fond of being spoken about as if they're not there.

"Sorry," Mark said with an apologetic look.

"A week," the doctor finished, ignoring my protestation. "Legally, he has to be observed here for a week before he can go home. We have to be certain he isn't a danger to himself."

And so we waited. Seven day and every one of them Azuriah came to keep me company. It wasn't entirely necessary since I had Calliope to talk to, but it was still sweet. Talking to Azuriah was a lot different than talking to Calliope. Azuriah knew me quite well, apparently, but Calliope didn't know anything about me so we had to talk about other things. Strangely enough, most of our conversations led to a philosophical argument that we were on either sides of. On the third day, when Azuriah came, he arrived to find us in an argument about whether or not existence could possibly be just an elaborate hallucination caused by oxygen, controlled by the ones experimenting on us.

I also found out that her and her father moved here after her mother left, she lived in Cardiff for six years, and she can play the guitar as well as the bass, respectively, while she sings. Also, anyone who knows her well enough just calls her Cali.

With Azuriah, I could ask him almost anything. I asked about him and his family and about school. I asked him about what I was like and what I liked, what I did, and he was eager to answer any of my questions. We talked endlessly and he was an avid storyteller.

He was glad to tell me about myself, and it seemed like he knew everything about me, but whenever I tried to ask about my family he would sheepishly change the subject. It was clear to me that there was something he was avoiding talking about, something he didn't want me to remember, but, believe it or not, I was alright with it. I couldn't explain why for the life of me, but I felt like it was the first time in a long time that my conscience was clear. The first time in a long time I could really be happy.


	21. Chapter 21

On the seventh day of observation, after every test had been passed, I was finally allowed to go home. As we were leaving, I finally caught the doctor's nametag as he was never actually introduced to me. _Doctor Bryant_

"I'll drive you and Azuriah back to your foster family's place, but I don't think I'll be able to stay. I don't have enough credibility yet to get any more time off of work," Mark explained as we were leaving.

"I understand," I said, hearing in his voice how hesitant he was to leave. "Don't worry, I'll be alright."

"I'll take good care of him," Azuriah added helpfully. We talked a while longer before arriving at an ancient-looking three story house and saying our goodbyes.

"Come on," Azuriah said, leading me up the drive. It felt strange knowing this was where I lived but not recognizing it. I thought for a moment that there must be some mistake, the house was much too big to be where I lived. But I trusted Azuriah and tossed the thought aside.

Azuriah knocked on the door and it was answered by an intimidating, broad-shouldered man with well kept dark blond hair. A disquieting feeling settled in my stomach and I shifted a bit so I stood partially blocked by Azuriah and laced my fingers through his.

Azuriah looked down at my curiously but turned back to the man when I kept my gaze pointedly towards the ground.

"Right," the man said before Azuriah had even opened his mouth. "I suppose you'd best come inside."

We followed him into the house and I took a moment to glance around before tugging on Azuriah's sleeve to quietly get his attention. Once again, he looked down at me curiously.

"I don't like it here," I murmured quietly enough that only he heard. "There's something… unsettling about it. Don't leave me alone, I don't want to be here without you."

Azuriah looked confused but he nodded anyway. When he agreed I relaxed a bit.

"I won't, we'll just go up to your room to get some of your things and you can stay with me for a while, okay?" his hand tightened around mine reassuringly and I nodded.

I was directed to my bedroom and I went upstairs to try to gather my things, leaving Azuriah with who was most likely my foster father.

When I went into my room, I put a few sets of clothes into the backpack I found lying on the bed, unsure of how long I would be away. I also took the only recreational reading book in sight: _The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes. _If at least one good thing comes of all of this, it's that I'll be able to experience all of my favorite books for the first time again.

On the floor, where I had apparently not bothered to pick them up, there were papers, books and notebooks scattered around where they had been swept off of the desk, along with a desk lamp.

_Why would I knock all of this onto the floor? _I wondered. No use dwelling on it now, though. I threw my backpack over my shoulder and made my way back down the stairs.

By the time I had made it to the second floor I could hear arguing downstairs. I slowed my pace to listen as I descended.

"He's lost his memories! He can't stay here with you when you didn't even care enough to be with him while he was in the hospital!" Azuriah snapped stubbornly.

"Well how was I to know he had developed amnesia?" my foster father replied calmly. He looked like he was about to go on when Azuriah interrupted.

"Oh, I don't know, how about _visiting _once in a while? He was unconscious for two weeks!"

"Yes, and he's been gone for three. What's he been doing all this time? Gallivanting around with you like he always seems to be, I suppose," the man responded spitefully.

Now halfway down the staircase, I sped up to a normal pace and made myself known.

"Am I interrupting something?" Oddly enough, I found their argument rather amusing. A smile played at the corners of my mouth as I went on. "Because if I am I can go back upstairs."

"Smug bastard," Azuriah said with a fond smirk. "Come on, we're leaving."

Ignoring the protests of my foster father, I strode forward and we were out the door.

The walk to Azuriah's house was about 30 minutes, and I didn't mind, but I had found out that the only form of winter jacket I had was the gray jacket I was wearing that, Azuriah informed me, I wore during every season anyway, including summer, so it wasn't exactly warm. About halfway to his house, after asking me several times if I was alright, he gave me a "For God's sake, Rowyn," and took of his coat. He threw it over my head and, nearly tripping, I had to stop. Apparently I was unaware that I had been shivering.

"Hey!" I protested indignantly, taking the coat off of me.

"You're obviously freezing, and rightly so. It's nearly December, just put it on," he said reasonably and I sighed.

"Only because if I argue we'll standing in the cold for no good reason," I said, taking my backpack off to put his jacket on. Obviously it was too big for me, but I wore it anyway. A letterman jacket, interesting. At least I know what high school we go to now, on the back was the blue and gold crest for LHS, Laurel High School. The jacket itself was blue with gold piping, so the school colors were obvious. Laurel, Maryland. Strange how I'm only just remembering where I live and it doesn't feel like the fact has much significance, like I've never really been bothered to think about it much before. I felt as if I hardly even knew it before I lost my memories.

Azuriah had picked my backpack up off of the ground and when I tried to take it back he insisted on carrying it because "It isn't that far a walk anyway," and a flash of something stirred in me. A memory? I stopped to get my bearings.

"Hey, are you alright?" Azuriah asked, sounding concerned.

"Yeah… I'm fine. Just a bit of déjà vu, I think," I responded, shaking my head in an attempt to clear it, but as a result I ended up sending a jolt of pain back into my still-healing injury, making my head spin. I stumbled but Azuriah was quick to catch me and set me right again.

"Be careful, Rowyn," he warned, putting his arm around my waist so I wouldn't fall. "Your injury is going to open back up if you're not."

"I know," I started to say, but then something dawned on me. "You did that on purpose, didn't you?"

"What?" he asked, taken aback.

"Before you caught me, when you took my backpack. You've done that before, you even said the same thing, nearly word for word. You wanted to see if I would remember." It wasn't a question. If we really do know each other as well as everyone seems to think we do, Azuriah should know that I'm clever enough to figure it out.

"Rowyn, I-"

"No, it's fine," I interrupted his apology. "It worked. At least, I think it did. Kind of." I wasn't sure what to make of it, to be honest. I knew I remembered something similar happening before, but the circumstances and details were foggy. Trying to clear it was like trying to pull back layers of cobwebs from the catacombs of my mind.

"Kind of?" Azuriah asked, trying to prompt an explanation. I explained what I could and couldn't remember and he nodded, understanding it better when I used the previously mentioned metaphor.

"I see… well, it's a start," he said, glad that I was making some progress, even if it was minor.

It felt strange to have him steadying me, like having his arm around me was something I would never normally allow, so once I was walking steadily on my own again I edged away from him, just far enough for him to notice and drop his arm to his side. He didn't seem disappointed, he actually looked like he had expected that sort of reaction. So he does know me pretty well, then.

About ten minutes later Azuriah pointed out a house just down the street. Walking up the sidewalk towards the door I got a strange feeling in my stomach that had nothing to do with my present situation. There are very prominent memories that, while I can't remember them, my subconscious seems to. Something about them is giving me the same reaction I had then, it was making me anxious. Anxious, but not exactly uneasy. I could tell already that this was a place I enjoyed spending time at.

Azuriah opened the door and, with theatric gesture, invited me in. I smiled at his theatrics and went inside far enough for him to close the door, shutting out the cold. He dropped my backpack by the door and I took his coat off, having to push up the sleeves first so I could use my hands as the sleeves came down well past my fingertips. Azuriah hung the jacket on the coat rack and led me into the living room.

Sitting on the couch that was in the middle of the room were two girls, both reading thick books, who were exactly identical. When Azuriah and I walked in they both looked up.

"What's Rowyn doing here?" one asked.

"Shouldn't he be at home?" the other finished.

"It's kind of a long story," Azuriah answered cryptically. The story wasn't that long but I figured he had his reasons for claiming it was, and didn't interject.

The twins looked similar to Azuriah in that their facial features were very much alike and their eyes were the same clear, icy blue. Their hair was light too but unlike Azuriah, whose hair is impossibly light blond, theirs was a sandy brown. They must be his little sisters.

"Anyway, just be nice okay? He just got out of the hospital today."

I frowned a bit at that as the twins eyed me warily. I may have just been released from the hospital but I'm not made of glass, I don't need him protecting me from his little sisters.

"I'm fine, Azuriah. Don't make a big deal out it," I told him quietly.

He hesitated, and I couldn't help but wonder what mischief these two got into that could possibly have warranted having to be specifically asked to behave. Eventually, though, he sighed.

"Alright," he agreed. "Sorry, I guess I'm nervous."

"Don't be, I'm fine and I'm sure your sisters won't do anything too drastic," I said with a smirk, earning myself an appreciative laugh from Azuriah.

"You obviously don't know my sisters," he said, laughing.

"Hey!" came two voices from the sofa, and Azuriah tried to stifle his laughter.

"Come on, it was a little funny," he grinned at them as they crossed their arms indignantly.

"So what now?" I ask, changing the subject.

"Well it's Wednesday and my mom works later on Wednesdays, hence why she's not home yet," Azuriah answered. "But it's past 4:30 so she should be home soon. Until then do you guys want to play a game or something?"

Before I could answer the twins simultaneously shouted "Monopoly!" to which Azuriah immediately protested.

"Why not? It could be fun," I said, smiling a bit.

"No, no, no. You haven't played monopoly with them, they're an unbeatable team. I have yet to win against them and I taught them to play when they were, what, seven years old?" Azuriah explained and the twins nodded, confirming the number.

"Okay but this time you have something you didn't have all those other times," I said and he cocked his head to the side questioningly. "You have me." Azuriah laughed and finally agreed to play with us.

I had to learn how to play, but soon after we started it was clear that this was a game of statistics and math. Once I had that figured out, it was easy to trick the twins, River and Echo as Azuriah remembered to tell me, into helping me win. I bought every property I landed on, including three of the four train stations and Boardwalk. I traded all of my other properties for the last train station, park place, and the two utilities and nearly bankrupted River. Unfortunately the properties cost me quite bit, but I was careful to not let myself go bankrupt until I was on the side of the board that Azuriah had monopolized and he ended up with all of my properties when he bankrupted me. I served as banker as Azuriah cleaned out his sisters, and I looked up when the front door opened. Mrs. Young came home to find game pieces scattered around and the twins arguing about it being unfair that I helped Azuriah because I'm "smarter than the three of them combined"(Echo's words). I laughed a bit at that.

"It wasn't unfair, you were the ones who gave me the properties I had," I told them reasonably and they frowned. Azuriah was defending me with a broad smile and while they argued I couldn't help but laugh. The three of them were a sight to behold, to say the least. While I laughed, Azuriah looked over at me and his smile brightened.

"What?" I said, still smiling.

"Nothing, I just don't think I've heard you properly laugh before," he said, his broad smile turning a bit shy.

"No?" I asked, laughter subsiding. "How strange. You would think in as long as I've apparently known you, you would have seen me laugh before."

"It's fine, it's sort of how you are, but… it's nice to see you so happy."

Before I had the chance to respond Mrs. Young interrupted, so all I could do was smile in response.

"Hi Rowyn, I didn't know you'd be coming over." She gave Azuriah a pointed look, but obviously wasn't upset. Azuriah gave an indifferent shrug, his smile not faltering.

"Can he stay overnight?" he requested hopefully.

"I can't see why not, now that Charlie's gone back to campus." She gave me a friendly smile and I smiled back. I knew I probably shouldn't stay long, as I wouldn't want to impose, but I don't know where else I would go. I'll figure it out eventually.

"Thank you." It was really the only response to give. She nodded and headed into the kitchen.

"You can sleep on the couch tonight," Azuriah said. I nodded, then laughed when Echo and River challenged us to another round of Monopoly.

"It's like 6:45, there's no way we have time for another game _and _time to get my homework done. Monopoly takes forever," Azuriah protested.

Homework? That's right, Azuriah said it was Wednesday. I missed three weeks of school, I'll be hopelessly behind in my work. What's the date again? I asked Azuriah but it was Echo who answered, I noticed she was much quieter than her sister.

November 27th, 21 days ago I was admitted into the hospital. 21 days ago, it was November 6th. Why does that date sound familiar? I asked Azuriah.

"What's on November 6th?"

"Kind of a random date, other than the fact that that was the day Jonathan hospitalized you. Why do you ask?"

"It sounds familiar, like something happens that day," I answered. I knew I was being vague but it was hard not to be, as I didn't know what it was either.

"Hang on, let me think…" he opened his mouth again, looking like he realized something important when Echo tilted her head and answered for him again.

"Isn't that your birthday?" she asked quietly.

"Hard to remember that sort of thing with everything that's happened," Azuriah said. "But yeah, that's Rowyn's birthday."

"My birthday… are my birthdays always so grim?"

"From what you've told me, actually, they are. But you tend to be a bit melodramatic." He smiled fondly at that and I couldn't help but smile back. I don't know why, but I like it when he smiles.

"I wasn't sure what to get you so I thought I'd take you somewhere instead, we can go this weekend if you want," he finished.

"I can't see why not," I agreed. "Where?"

"That's a surprise," he grinned.

"I don't like surprises," I told him, but my smile didn't falter.

"You'll like this one," he assured me.

"Get a room," River and Echo said concurrently.

"Shut up," Azuriah and I said fondly, echoing their habit of talking at the same time. He looked over at me and suddenly we were both laughing again.

After dinner he took his homework up to his room and, rather than staying downstairs to play another game with Echo and River, I grabbed my book out of my backpack and followed him.

He set up his homework at his desk and I settled on his bed, opening my book. Every now and again he'd sound confused and I'd sigh theatrically, getting up to help him before going back to my book.

"You know," he said after the third time I got up to help him, "you don't have to help me. You seem pretty interested in your book over there."

"It's fascinating. And I do too have to help you, otherwise you'll never finish. Besides, I sort of like helping you with your homework. There's something oddly satisfying about the fact that you need my help despite you being older than me," I teased. He threw a pen at me and I put my hands up to shield my face, feigning offense.

At around 10 I went back downstairs, with my book, and fell asleep on the couch by 11. When I woke up I found that a blanket had been thrown over me and my book was on the coffee table, page saved.


	22. Chapter 22

When I woke up, it wasn't morning. I found myself shaking… a nightmare? I couldn't remember. I shivered from the cold sweat running down my back and I battered my mind while my eyes adjusted to the dark. Maybe if I remembered the dream, it would help me remember something else. Anything else. I had to stop shaking.

_Think, Rowyn. _Think!

There.

My thoughts stuttered as I found the memory of the dream. It was nothing useful, there was only darkness. Pitch black darkness flooded into my mind. I tried to clear it but, now that I remembered, it wouldn't leave, and while I tried to calm down I seemed to lose the ability to think in full sentences. I need to assess what's happening before I can make it better.

_Darkness. No, not afraid. Why? Why the fear?_

_Not dark, nothing. Nothing to do. No one talks. Opens mouth, can't speak. What if I could?_

_Needs something. Needs to talk, needs noise, needs _something.

…No.

_Someone._

_No light, too late. Feet move without permission. Upstairs. What's upstairs? Can't remember, mind too dark._

I opened a door and stepped inside. When I went to lay by Azuriah I apparently didn't do well enough being quiet because once I had climbed beneath the covers and curled up next to him he shifted and gave a tired sigh. It couldn't have helped that I was trembling.

"Bad dream?" he intoned sleepily, moving so I could more easily fit next to him. In response I hid my face in the soft fabric of his pajama shirt and nodded, putting my arms around his waist, one beneath him and one over, as if afraid he'd disappear too.

"I was afraid this might happen," he muttered.

_"Why?"_ I meant to ask. _"Why now when I haven't dreamed once since I woke up in a hospital bed?"_

He didn't answer. It occurred to me that the question never left my mouth. I still couldn't speak, my voice had been taken by the dark. I wonder where it is now, if not with me…

A ridiculous thing to wonder. What am I thinking? It was nice to be able to think in full sentences again, at least. I tightened my arms around Azuriah, frightened though I knew I shouldn't be.

Azuriah rose a hand to my head and began to run his fingers through my hair, carefully disentangling the knots that accompanied sleep whenever his fingers would catch. It seemed like a strange thing to do, but perhaps not. The careful, consistent motions of his fingers had an oddly calming effect.

I let my muscles relax again, focusing my mind only on him, and let myself be lulled slowly back to sleep.

This time, no more nightmares woke me. What woke me that morning was actually movement next to me.

I laid still for a moment, listening to Azuriah move about the room. Sitting up, I found that my head was throbbing as it normally is in the morning. I'm used to it by now, but I tried to sit up too quickly and my head spun. Slouching back down I put my head in my hands. Azuriah stopped in his efforts to gather his homework in his backpack and looked over at me.

"You okay?"

"Yeah my head hurts a bit but it's worst in the morning."

"Do you think you're ready to go back to school?" he asked hesitantly.

"Yeah, I'll be fine in a minute," I assured him. He watched me for a few seconds, unsure, but nodded.

"Okay then, get dressed." Glancing around I saw that he had brought my backpack up from downstairs. I don't know when he found the time, he always seems one step ahead. I got up, more slowly this time, and took a set of clothes from my backpack. It wasn't hard to match the colors, as all of my clothes seem to be grayscale. I took out a pair of black jeans, a white shirt, and I was already wearing my dark grey jacket. Azuriah directed me to the bathroom and I made my way down the hall.

Once in the bathroom I locked the door and set my clothes down on the counter. Looking in the mirror for the first time since before I lost my memories, I had to stop before I changed my clothes.

_Who is this?_ I wondered, staring at the gaunt, pale face in the mirror. _God, he's thin. Doesn't he eat?_

_He moves when I do, so he must be me, _I reasoned. _Besides that, I'm the only one here._

My hair kept falling into my eyes, as I kept forgetting to push it back. It must've been a habit I had developed and forgotten. Shaking it back now, I watched in the mirror as my hair, garishly red and dark in contrast to my practically white skin tone, parted to reveal the green eyes of a stranger staring back at me, simultaneously bright and dark. Looking down, I turned around and quickly changed my clothes facing away from the mirror. When I was finished I put my jacket back on and went back to Azuriah's room, not once looking back up.

"You okay?" he asked again when I walked in.

"Stop asking me that," I told him, more irritated than anything. "I'm fine, why?"

"You took a lot longer than I expected, and you look like you've seen a ghost," he said, looking apologetic.

"I was distracted," I explained vaguely.

"By what?"

"Nothing," I told him. He was quiet for a minute, looking like he was trying to see through me.

"Fine," he finally said, changing the subject. "What was last night about?"

"Just a nightmare," I said passively.

"Yes but what was it about?"

"Nothing," I repeated.

"That was _not_ nothing, Rowyn," Azuriah protested and I shook my head, clarifying.

"No, it was _literally_ about nothing. There was just darkness everywhere, nothing to see or hear or talk to. The only thing to do was think."

"That's it? You were so scared by the dark?" he said, surprised.

"Not… not exactly. The dark doesn't frighten me. At least, not as far as I'm aware. Apparently I can't be left alone with my thoughts for more than a few hours. I know I was only asleep for two or three hours, but it felt like days."

"Actually, knowing you, that makes sense. You could think yourself to death if you let yourself."

"So it would seem," I agreed quietly. "I'm alright now, though," I added, easily predicting his next question. "It just shook me up a bit, that's all."

"Okay," he said after slight hesitation. He then suggested that we go downstairs, to which I agreed. Echo and River gave us some _very_ suspicious looks when they saw us both leave his room when, theoretically, I should have already been downstairs. Azuriah grinned at me when I felt my face turn red.

We ate breakfast quickly, as we didn't have much time before we left for school. I ran my fingers through my hair instead of brushing it properly while Azuriah went to find a different backpack for me to bring to school while mine was in use. He came back into the kitchen with a tan messenger bag and a dark winter jacket and we left for school.

When we arrived on school property there were people everywhere. I didn't know where we were going so I held onto Azuriah's sleeve, that way I wouldn't lose him in the crowd. Five minutes until school starts.

I saw that we were heading towards an open area at the side of the building, and was surprised when Azuriah suddenly turned.

"Quick, this way." Too late.

"What's the rush?" asked a deceptively silvery voice as he approached.

"No rush," Azuriah answered, turning to face the boy who spoke with a patronizing smile. "Just trying to avoid you. Always a pleasure, Jonathan."

I watched the exchange curiously. If Azuriah's reaction was anything to go by, this guy was bad news. I couldn't help but wonder why, he didn't look like anything special. For the most part, though, I trusted Azuriah's judgment and tightened my grip on his sleeve.

"No need to get so defensive, I'm only here to welcome back an old friend." Azuriah frowned at his claim and I furrowed my brow in confusion.

_Old friend?_

"Rowyn, call off your guard dog, would you?"

"Azuriah, who is this guy?" I asked quietly.

"Ah, I forgot. Rowyn, allow me to introduce Jonathan Mikkleson. He's the one who put you in the hospital," Azuriah explained.

"You have no proof of that, guard dog. I was accused of assaulting Rowyn, that much is true, but the charges were quickly dropped."

"Only because you're the state senator's son. They can't touch you. Why doesn't your father send you to private school already? I'm sure everyone would be glad to be rid of you," Azuriah argued.

"I've been with Rowyn since elementary school, I'm not about to leave now for some overly-pretentious academy. Rowyn," he turned to face me, "come with me. I'll show you around the school, maybe I can help you get some of your memories back."

"What are you playing at, Jonathan?" Azuriah asked before I could reply.

"He's been in a coma for two weeks, in the hospital for three, I'm only trying to be friendly." He was trying to be patient but was becoming more and more irritated by Azuriah's unfriendly demeanor.

"I think he can manage without you patronizing him to try to get into his good graces," Azuriah said snidely.

"Hold on," I interrupted quietly. "How did you know how long I was in a coma? For all you know I was unconscious for any number of days or weeks before being released."

"I-"

"You visited him, didn't you? You must have, or you wouldn't have known. You didn't seem surprised when he didn't know who you were, either. You feel guilty," Azuriah interrupted him.

"I've no idea what you're talking about," he protested calmly.

"No, not guilty. It would show now if you were… Gee, Jonathan, I didn't know you cared," he said sarcastically.

"God, are you always this rude?" Jonathan asked, and I could tell that he was quickly losing his temper.

"I can't help but wonder," Azuriah continued as if Jonathan hadn't spoken. "Why torment him all these years if you cared so much?"

"You really should keep your mouth shut when you don't know what you're talking about!" Jonathan snapped. Azuriah opened his mouth to give his retort but I pulled on his sleeve and he stopped, looking down at me.

"Leave it," I asked in an almost-whisper. Azuriah hesitated for a long moment but eventually he sighed.

"Fine."

"To answer your question," I looked at Jonathan. "I think I'd rather stick with someone already familiar to me for now. It's… easier. Less confusing."

Jonathan frowned, but he nodded, albeit dejectedly. Azuriah and I moved passed him, but I had to stop when Jonathan stopped Azuriah. He said something to him, I couldn't make out what, but I could make out Azuriah's response.

"I'd like to see you try."


	23. Chapter 23

"What did he say to you?" I asked Azuriah after the bell rang as he led me inside.

"Nothing important," he said dismissively. "Some petty attempt at a threat. He doesn't scare me."

"Oh, well as long as you're confident enough I'm sure he can't do anything," I responded sarcastically.

"Falling back into old habits, are we?" he responded, smiling at my sarcasm.

"Seriously, Azuriah. Be careful," I asked of him. "He seems… manipulative. Like the kind of person who will go after what you love rather than you."

Azuriah turned to look at me for a second. Now he looked worried, but he hid it well. He turned back again and I wondered if I had imagined it

"I'll be careful," he promised. He stopped in front of a locker with fading sharpie marks on the door. Someone had tried to clean it off and did a well enough job that I couldn't decipher what it said. When I asked Azuriah about it he said it didn't matter.

"Stay here, I'll have Mr. Collins get your locker combination."

"You mean you don't know it?" I teased, trying to lighten the mood after what happened with Jonathan.

"You know, I actually don't," he answered, smiling. "I'll be right back."

True to his word, he returned in under a minute, followed by a man of average height with dark hair and rectangular glasses with just the top rim. He looked too young to be a high school teacher, only looking around 23 or 24.

"It'll be good having you back, Rowyn," he said, handing me a piece of paper with my locker combination on it. "The class average seems to have decreased over the past three weeks." Giving me a bright smile, he retreated back into his classroom.

I opened my locker and Azuriah helped me find the materials for my next few classes. I put the books, notebooks and folders into the messenger bag he was letting me use. He may not know my locker combination, but he seems to know my schedule. I put my - Azuriah's - coat in my locker and shut the door.

"Mr. Collins has been made aware of what's been going on, and you're basically his favorite student, you'll be alright with him for the next few minutes. I have to go to my locker." Azuriah seemed hesitant to be separated from me, but more likely than not he's not in most of my classes anyway so I had to convince him that I didn't need him constantly at my side.

"Don't worry about me," I told him. "I'll be okay. What's the worst that could happen?"

"Well-"

"I meant what's the worst that could happen with a teacher nearby," I interrupted.

"Right… okay. I'll be right back then," he took off down the hall and I went into Mr. Collins' classroom.

Mr. Collins' room was unlike most of the other classrooms. There were posters and drawings all over the walls, some relevant some not. There was already writing all over the chalkboard even though school hadn't even started yet, but there was still space enough for the lesson.

Azuriah was predictably late for class, and was excused by Mr. Collins. While I waited for class to start I went over a map of the school that Mr. Collins gave me. When Azuriah arrived he took out a pen and drew in the path I would need to take to get to all of my classes.

When math class started, I found that it was a lot easier than I had expected. As it turns out, I had all of the theorems, equations and concepts tucked away in my mind and they were much easier to locate than other memories I might need to find. My other classes were similar to that as well. The only thing I really had to remember to do was check the name plate above the door or on the desk whenever I walked into a new classroom so I would know the teacher's name.

Azuriah and I were left alone at lunch, which I found surprising after what happened just hours ago before school. Nevertheless, it was nice. After school I went home with Azuriah. He sat around playing with Echo and River while I sat at the bar in the kitchen doing school work. After all, I was three weeks behind. I tried to skip dinner to keep working but Azuriah wouldn't let me. Thinking back on it, I don't even remember what we ate.

At around 9:45pm Azuriah came back into the kitchen. I was still working.

"Rowyn, give it a break," he told me, sounding tired. "Aren't you going to sleep?"

"Can't," I said. Monosyllabic answers were the least distracting.

"You can too sleep, you have to," he argued.

"Won't," I corrected myself impatiently.

"You _won't_ sleep?"

I sighed and put my pencil down, knowing he wasn't going to leave me alone any time soon.

"Why not?" Azuriah asked.

"Among other things, it's a waste of time. I have work to do," I answered unhelpfully.

"Among other things," he repeated thoughtfully.

"To sleep, perchance to dream," I muttered in response. When in doubt, quote Shakespeare.

"I thought so," he said. "Well… if you need anything, you know where to find me." I nodded and he left me alone.

I lost track of time, only remembering it to have been about an hour and a half ago when I moved my work to a more comfortable location on the couch. I spread my books over the coffee table and checked the time on my phone when I heard footsteps creak on the stairs. Had it already been three hours? It was nearly 1am.

"For God's sake, Rowyn," Azuriah said quietly, sitting down next to me. "How can you even study this long?"

"What are you doing up?" I asked, ignoring his question. I had anticipated having at least 5 hours longer before he came back downstairs.

"I was worried about you." The answer was stated as if it were obvious.

"You may as well go back upstairs, I'm not going to be able to go to sleep," I told him. Azuriah took my pencil and notebook from me and put them down on the table. When I began to protest he interrupted.

"Go to sleep, Rowyn. I'll be right here."

Sighing, I wanted to argue but knew there was no point. I laid back on the couch.

"I'll wake you if I see you're having a nightmare," he assured me, but I stopped him.

"Don't wake me, if you wake me I might remember it. Just… try to calm me down, I guess," I told him. Azuriah nodded and I closed my eyes, trying to find something I could focus my mind on so I wouldn't keep myself up thinking.

I woke next breathing hard and sat up, the only memory of what I may have been dreaming about being the way my skin burned as if struck. Definitely a different dream, then, but who would intentionally, physically harm me? I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around my legs, hiding my face.

Azuriah touched my shoulder hesitantly, but it seemed as though my mind was a great distance from my body. I hardly felt it. He must've felt that I was trembling and, when I didn't react, wrapped his arms around me. Leaning into him almost instinctively I counted his heartbeats until I could fall back asleep.

I woke up a few hours later to Azuriah shaking me awake.

"You have to get ready to school, come on," he said as I sat up.

"Mm," I hummed in agreement, still half asleep. Trying to rub the sleep out of my eyes, I stood up.

"Bathroom is upstairs to the left, you should probably shower," Azuriah told me. I nodded and followed his directions, getting a set of clothes out of my backpack in Azuriah's room before going into the bathroom. I showered quickly and got dressed while the mirror was still fogged up.

I quickly found a bath towel and tried to dry my hair, but soon gave up. There wasn't enough time to dry it properly. I let the towel rest around my neck like an untied scarf so that the water dripping from my hair wouldn't soak the back of my black t-shirt. Azuriah looked over when I came back down the stairs. The corners of his mouth quirked up in a poorly concealed smile

"What?" I didn't see what was so amusing.

"Nothing," he said. "But your hair is gonna freeze if you go out like that."

"It's above freezing temperature," I argued.

"Maybe it will be, but it's still morning. It's only like 20degrees out right now."

"I'll be fine, Azuriah," I told him.

"God, you're ridiculous," he said, coming over to me. "You're going to make yourself sick being so careless."

Azuriah took the towel from around my shoulders and threw it over my head.

"Ow, hey!" I protested indignantly.

"The last thing you need right now is to catch a cold," he reasoned. Who is he, my mother? I could tell he was resisting laughter.

"Get off!" I told him sharply, but I was trying in vain to keep a smile off my face as well. "I'll do it myself."

Azuriah backed off, going to get our schoolwork together

That day at school went by fairly quickly. No one bothered me which I found surprising, and we sat with Azuriah's friend Sasha at lunch. He seemed exaggeratedly shocked that I was eating. The only thing I disliked about school was the fact that everyone had heard some version of what happened to me, and whichever version they heard probably wasn't true. Whenever anyone was around me it was like they were walking on eggshells, afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing. Whatever they had heard, it somehow portrayed me as the culprit rather than the victim. It only bothered me because, for all I know, it was true.

Halfway through the day it started to rain. After school Azuriah offered to call his mom to pick us up but I refused, telling him "a little water never hurt anyone." Still, he seemed nervous.

We started back to his house, the rain so light it was almost a mist. But the clouds were darkening and halfway to Azuriah's house it began to rain harder and harder. Azuriah and I started to run. Normally he would easily be able to outrun me, but his backpack was a lot heavier than mine and he seemed more concerned with keeping an eye on me than keeping up, so I ran ahead.

I don't know why I kept running or how I didn't need to stop. The rain was quiet, without any thunder or lightning. There was something peaceful about it, something pure, so I kept running even when Azuriah somehow dropped one of his textbooks and had to stop. I would have stopped too but there was a rather curious noise from an alley up ahead.

Turning the corner I stumbled to a stop. Looking around, there were a few dumpsters on the right and a small cardboard box, waterlogged and near collapse, on the left. I heard Azuriah call out my name, the sound muffled by the storm. When he looked up it must have looked like I had disappeared. I ignored him, instead following the noise I had heard earlier to the soggy box against the left wall. The box was upside down. I didn't know what I expected to find when I tipped the box on its side, but it certainly wasn't what I found.

I reached down and scooped up the shivering little animal in my arms. It was a tiny grey and white kitten with tuxedo-pattern fur.

"How'd you get here, little guy?" I cooed as it curled up against the heat coming off of me. I moved towards the main road, but froze when a bolt of lightning shot through the sky, sending a flash of light into the alley. I knew it was childish but I counted the seconds between the lightning and the -

_CRASH!_

The ground seemed to shake beneath me, yet everything was still. I knew the feeling well. The feeling that the world was falling away beneath me and I was left spiraling. The only difference now, is that normally the feeling is easily dismissible. It was the feeling I got when my mind was slipping into a memory. At some point I think I fell to the ground against the wall, and I could hear Azuriah. He sounded panicked. He sounded far away even though he was very close.

Then my world disappeared.

_Where am I now? _I wondered. I was in a familiar house that I didn't know, looking out at a bleak, grey evening. It was like watching a scene from a movie, something my subconscious picked up.

There was a boy with ebony hair, the same as the man pacing the floor, staring out the window. A feeble cough sounded from the boy the man held in his arms, no older than a year old. Outside it was pouring rain. Thunder shook the house.

"It's raining, it's pouring…" the boy at the window sang eerily.

"Griffin, don't," his father warned.

"Sorry," he apologized. "Shouldn't mom be back by now?"

"Why are you so anxious?" the man asked impatiently.

"She has Rowyn's medicine," the by, griffin, answered. "Why _aren't_ you anxious?"

"Your mother will be fine and so will Rowyn," he returned steadily.

A dark car passed by the window, driving much too fast. It reached the intersection as an all too familiar silver Honda Fit turned the corner. The black car ran the stop sign.

_"Mom!" _Griffin pressed his hands against the window. A bout of thunder covered the sound of the crash, but the lightning lit the wreckage. The scene in front of me began to twist into another memory as the man handed me to my brother and ran outside.

Now the thunder still rolled but I was older, probably about four or five, and I was hiding from the storm under my bed. I heard my father come swaggering through the front door and knew that he was drunk. Griffin ran into my room and crawled under my bed with me. This memory I observed through my own eyes, rather than from a distance.

"He hasn't always been like this, you know," Griffin told me. I've never seen him any different so of course I assumed it had something to do with me.

"Is it because of me?" I asked quietly. I hadn't meant to say anything, but I had no control of my actions. After all, it was a memory.

"No, Rowyn, of course not," Griffin assured me. Then he told his story, the story of how my mother died, the story I grew up believing. Now I know that it was just that: a story. Griffin told me that our mother was in a car crash on her way to pick him up from school because she couldn't see through the rain. He told me that I was home with our father, and that it was no one's fault. It was just an accident.

_Liar._

She was only out in that storm that night because I had been sick. Griffin meant well when he told me what he did. He was protecting me. He was always protecting me, like he protected me when our father staggered in.

Griffin put an arm around me and motioned for me to be quiet. He has always been good at hiding. Me, not so much. Being under the bed, there was dust everywhere. Of all times, I sneezed when my father was just about to leave.

"A'ight, c'm' outta there," he slurred.

I looked over at Griffin with wide, scared eyes.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "What do we do?"

"You stay here and be quiet, I'll be alright." Before I could do anything he crawled out from underneath my bed, dust clinging to him.

"Where's yer brother?" I could practically hear the scowl in my father's voice. He had been looking for me, not Griffin.

"How should I know?" Griffin lied. Griffin was a good liar, too.

"You wouldn' be here without 'im." Our father was surprisingly sharp while drunk. "He's under the bed, isn' 'e?"

"This was the nearest room to run into, and there's not enough space for both of us under there," Griffin said. He was trying to keep our father's focus off of me. I knew he was going to do something reckless.

"This has nothing to do with him" Griffin added. "Don't be stupid."

There it was. Even a passing comment like that could set my father off, and Griffin knew it. From my position I saw him plant his feet, tensing in preparation for what was now inevitable.

"I guess you need 'nother lesson in _respect." _On the last word I heard something strike my brother, too fast to have been my father's fist. Of course he would use his belt, it's rare that he doesn't. His fists would knock us down quicker, but he prefers to prolong it.

I clamped my hands over my mouth and shut my eyes tight, counting how many times my brother was hit before he went down. I heard him hit the ground at 23. He was strong, but he was still only ten years old. Still, he wasn't down for long. He got right back up and the whole thing started over again. He went down a total of four times before he stayed down.

I waited a few moments after my father left before making my way out into the open. Griffin slowly sat up, coughing into his hand. His hand came away speckled with red. I got out the first aid kit that I kept in my closet and gave it to him.

"Don't cry, Rowyn," he said, taking the kit from me. Was I crying? Apparently so. I wiped away the tears I hadn't realized were there while Griffin rummaged through the red and white box. I asked him why he didn't just stay down the first time. He said he hates to give up.

"I'm sorry," I apologized again.

"Don't be," he reassured me. "I'm okay."

I helped him with the medicine and bandages, though I wasn't much help at all. I turned away every time he had to expose where his skin had been broken or where it was already beginning to bruise. The most help I was, was measuring out medicine.

The scene began to change again. I wanted more than anything for it to stop, but there was nothing I can do. Whatever's happening, it's beyond my control.

I was in the living room playing with Griffin. We were playing make-believe. He was pretending to be a dragon and I was a knight sent to slay him. I wasn't very good at this game either, it would seem. Every time we played I would refuse to slay the dragon, choosing to befriend it instead. I know that now I wouldn't even hesitate to "slay the dragon" but what I'm seeing now was nine years ago. I'm seven years old, and downstairs my father was shouting for me. When we heard him, I was on Griffin's back. He stopped and I climbed off of him, slipping my small hand into his

"He sounds mad," I observed quietly.

He must be pretty heavily intoxicated or he would've been up the stairs by now. Griffin didn't respond. He pushed me behind him protectively as our father came pounding up the creaking steps. He stumbled at the last step and strode unsteadily into the living room. My father is a violent drunk. He stopped in front of Griffin, swaying slightly. I was scared, and I began to forget that this was a memory, thinking in the present tense rather than the past.

"Get out of the way," he says to my brother, his anger making him surprisingly coherent given his level of alcohol intake.

"He didn't do anything, leave him alone," Griffin replies steadily. I expect my father to shout something back. He doesn't. Instead, he pulls his arm back and swings hard enough to knock Griffin down.

"Outside, Rowyn!" He manages to scramble to his feet and follow me out into the storm. Despite everything that's happened I've never seen Griffin this panicked. He must see something in my father that I have never been able to see. Something broken. He kneels in front of me once we're in the front yard and hugs me before speaking into my ear to be heard over the rain.

"Run across the street to Alice, tell her to call for help," he says in a rush. "We'll get through this, you and I. You'll be a scientist like you've always wanted and I'll be an animal doctor. You can come live with me, we'll be okay. We'll be happy. The doctor and the scientist, we'll change the world."

Our father comes through the front door now and over to us. Griffin pushes me away towards our neighbor Alice's house.

In the past, when we could get away in time Alice would let us stay with her until we deemed it safe to go home. We never told her what was actually going on, though. We were afraid he would hurt her too.

I pound on the door until she answers and I rush in.

"Rowyn, what-" she starts, but I interrupt.

"Griffin's in trouble, you have to call for help!"

"What kind of trouble?" Alice is relatively short, about 5'3", with spiked blonde hair. She wore a lot of black, purple and red. She goes to the window and pulls back the blinds, peering out.

"Oh my god," she breathes out in disbelief. Pulling out her phone, she hits just three buttons and holds it up to her ear. She's blocking my view of the window.

Out of the phone, I hear static and a voice say "911, what's your emergency?"

"The police are too slow," I complain, trying to see around her. Alice is amazing, don't get me wrong. She once told Griffin and I that her life's ambition is to open up a French style, music themed restaurant just so she can call it "Alice's Restaurant" when she talks about it. Right now, though, she's in the way. She quickly told the woman on the other end of the phone what was happening and the address while she tried to calm me down. When I saw around her out the window I saw Griffin on the ground. He isn't moving, and dad isn't stopping.

"Griffin!" I try to get past Alice but she puts the phone down and blocks the door.

"There's no way you're going out there, kiddo," she tells me sternly. "He'll hurt you too, and I can't protect you. He's too much bigger than me, he'll just deck me as well. I have to keep you safe."

I duck under her arm, my size finally being an advantage, and dart out the door.

"Rowyn, stop!" she calls after me. She's a lot faster than me, given that I'm only seven, and catches me by my waist in her front yard, holding me back from running across the street.

"Let me go!" I scream, my voice breaking and cutting off at the end. "He's killing him, I have to stop him! He's killing him, _make him stop!" _My voice is shrill with fear.

"Rowyn, calm down!" she has to raise her voice over the rain. "I can't do anything, you know I can't! Not without putting you at risk." Still she holds on to me so I won't run off.

_"Make him stop, MAKE HIM STOP!"_

I was seven years old.


	24. Chapter 24

My own voice is ringing in my ears- make him stop. I can't- He's killing him MAKE HIM STOP! I can't think straight.

There's something else now, too. Something that wasn't there before. Or maybe it was, and I just couldn't hear it until now. I knew it wasn't a memory, it was a voice from far away. I heard the words but I couldn't process the meaning.

"If I could make it stop I would, Rowyn, I swear that I would." I must have been talking out loud. He must have heard me. "It's not actually happening, it's just a memory. You're here, you're okay, you're safe." Why can't I see who's trying so desperately to help me, why is it all I can still see is Griffin lying on the ground? Make it stop, make it stop. Before I could think about it long, the words were gone. They were empty, I didn't understand them.

There's something, though. Something still there, pressing through the storm and the screaming. In the dark, derelict recesses of the back of my mind something clicks into place, making the rusty cogs spur into gradual life once again. The rain is still coming down, but the scene has changed. Where am I now? An alleyt touch me!" I scream over the roar of water against the pavement.

"Rowyn-"

"Get away!" My voice breaks off at the end like it used to when I was a child. Azuriah backs off, looking anxious.

My legs are pulled tight against my chest and I duck my head down, my forehead resting on the tops of my knees. I cover my head with my arms the way you have to during tornado drills at school. I sat there shivering, I wanted to scream or cry or do something but I couldn't. Azuriah and I were both soaked to the bone but I didn't care. After a few minutes Azuriah came back over and put a tentative arm over my shoulders. I have to stop, I have to stop everything. I have to stop thinking so I can breathe again. I hold my breath and wait.

It takes days. It takes seconds. I struggle to breathe until it stops being a struggle. All I can hear is my own breathing, and his. And the static. Still, it feels as though an important plug has been pulled somewhere inside of me. I felt like I was underwater, trapped under ice. I turned without looking up, burying my face in Azuriah's chest. I only looked up when a small, furry creature forced its way under my arm, seeking shelter from the storm.

I may be more than willing to sit here for eternity, freezing, but what about her? She'll die before the storm is halfway over.

I stand up, moving without thinking about it. I can't think about it, thinking is dangerous. The kitten is small enough to fit in my pocket but my clothes are soaked. I carry her inside of my jacket instead, under my shirt, hoping she'll find some warmth.

"We have to go," I say quietly, expressionlessly.

"We're still a good ten minutes walk from my house but I called home and told my mom where to find us. That was a little while ago, she should be here by now. Give it a minute."

I paced restlessly, anything to keep busy, and Azuriah leaned against the wall of the alley, watching me anxiously. In less than a minute a dark green minivan pulled over to the side of the road. I was too busy focusing on pacing so I wouldn't let my mind wander to notice and Azuriah grabbed the hand that wasn't holding the cat, pulling me after him into the car. Azuriah's mother tried to talk to me but I sat in silence, letting Azuriah answer.

For a while my movements were a blur. I wasn't paying attention to what I was doing, I just did things routinely. We got to Azuriah's house, I changed into dry clothes and kept a close eye on the new responsibility I had found. I have to keep the kitten in my sight. I dried her off as best I could and she dried herself the rest of the way. I was laying on the couch, my head on the armrest and the cat curled up on my chest, when Azuriah came over and I finally snapped back into reality.

Putting one arm behind my head, I used my free hand to scratch the soft spot between the cat's ears and tilted my head slightly, looking at Azuriah.

"So what's with the cat?" he asked. I had expected him to ask me something more relevant to what had happened, but I was glad that he didn't. "Where'd you find it?"

"Not it," I corrected. "Her."

"Where did you find her," he amended patiently.

"I heard her in the alley, she was hiding under a box," I told him truthfully.

"Okay but why did you pick her up?"

"She would've died if I hadn't," I gave him a look, as it was pretty obvious. To me, at least.

"Right" he searched for a word to use, sounding cautious. "qualified, to be taking care of her."

"The word you're looking for is stable," I tell him, my tone and expression devoid of any offense. Maybe I should have been offended that he thinks I'm unstable, but I'm not. I mean, he's not exactly wrong.

"Sorry," he apologized anyway.

"It's fine." I really don't care. "I do think you're wrong, though," I continued. "Even if I'm not real stable at the moment, I think she'll be good for me."

"How so?" he asked.

"A good distraction, I guess. She'll need constant care and I can look after her while I try to get used to new memories."

"Speaking of memories," Azuriah started hesitantly. He kept talking like that whenever I was around, like I was surrounded by landmines. One wrong move and we're both dead.

Hypothetically speaking, of course.

Azuriah, though unaware of it, was making his careful way straight towards one of those landmines. I was quickly tiring of how cautious he always is around me now. I am not a child that needs protecting.

The thunder crashed and my mind went blank for a moment, filling with things I didn't want to think about. I flinched involuntarily. We'll be okay. We'll be happy

Liar.

I shook my head to clear it and saw Azuriah watching me with concern.

"I'm fine, Azuriah. I just" I was quiet a moment longer before remembering he had asked me a question. Instead of suggesting something to do, I answered with a question of my own.

"Are you hungry? I'm getting kind of hungry."

"Umt have much of an appetite at the moment but we did need something to do.

"Your parents aren't home and I'm sure your sisters are going to be hungry soon. Why not?" I reasoned.

"Right, okay. No clue what we can make but who cares?" He practically leapt from the couch and I realized he was eager for something to do as well. He went into the kitchen and I followed close behind. We ended up deciding to make spaghetti and unfortunately succeeded in making a huge mess as well. Each time I tried to clean up, five minutes later, God knows how, something would need to be cleaned again. Finally we had finished around six o'clock and called the twins down.

We set the table and they served themselves. Azuriah's parents were home not long after and they thanked us for cooking. We talked and ate and, when I asked, Azuriah agreed to visit Cali with me tomorrow. After dinner I sat quietly on the couch, Nimbus curled up next to me, watching a rather competitive game of Scrabble between Azuriah and the twins, and helping Azuriah win. Exhausted, I was asleep before 9pm.


End file.
